“You’re unbelievable.”
Now he smiled, and my heart flipped in my chest. “We’re unbelievable together. I’ve never felt that before. You stripped my soul clean.”
I smoothed the lines of his forehead with my thumb and teased him. “Since I have nothing to compare it to, I guess it will have to do. I mean, all first times are awkward right?” An impish grin spread across my face. “Besides, I’m sure you’ll do better for round two.”
He raised his eyebrows at me before claiming my mouth in a kiss. “Smart ass! Round two it is!” My laughter didn’t last past his mouth trailing down my stomach. Perfect.
Chapter Twenty-One
Sunlight streamed in through the windows when I peeled open my eyes. The bed next to me was empty. A single calla lily rested on Josh’s pillow with a note propped up on its stem. I smiled as I stretched, luxuriating in the delicious soreness of my body.
So that was what everyone raved about. Why had I waited twenty years for that? His scent still clung to the sheets, and that was my answer. Because Josh was the one I was waiting for.
Josh, who loved me.
Happiness flowed through my veins, and I reached for the lily and brought it to my nose. No roses or daisies; Josh didn’t do anything typical. I unfolded the note.
Good morning my gorgeous December,
I wish I could be here to wake you up the same way I put you to sleep, but you looked too peaceful to wake. I had to leave town, but I’ll see you as soon as I’m back tomorrow night. Sleep as long as you like, I love knowing you’re in my bed. Thank you for the best night of my life.
I love you,
Josh
It had been the best night of my life, too. I felt free for the first time in years, free and empowered, like the choices I made were mine, and right, and for the right reasons.
I rolled into his pillow, pulled the soft sheets to my face, and breathed him in. I couldn’t see him until tomorrow night. Not exactly the morning-after glow I was hoping for, but it must have been important for him to leave so quickly.
I found my bra, pants, shirt, and located my pink panties hanging on the corner of his dresser like I had won Where’s Waldo. The memory of him taking them off was enough to set my skin aflame again. I made his bed and tossed the clothes he’d left on both sides of the bed into the hamper by his door.
Then I shamelessly scoped out the pictures he had framed on the wall opposite his bed. There was one of his motorcycle, matted and framed like a piece of art. The majority were hockey, starting with one from when he looked barely old enough to walk and with a woman who I assumed was his mom, all the way through to the team picture from this year. He had played all of his life.
He hadn’t let getting shot keep him down, though he still wasn’t ready to discuss it. He was stronger than a gunshot. Even if it had killed his dream, he still found a way to live it. I smiled when I caught the picture of Gus’s team, Josh standing by as a proud coach. He didn’t just lick his wounds and go with half a heart, he found a way to give back, to bring up the next generation if he couldn’t star in this one.
There was a picture of him perched on the side of a hospital bed, his arms wrapped around a delicate, beautiful woman with striking features that mirrored a few of his own. She had to be his mother. Love radiated from his face, almost as exquisite as the bare skin of his head that matched his mother’s. I swallowed back the lump in my throat. He must have shaved his head when she’d lost her hair from treatment. Could this guy be any more freaking perfect? He’d transferred colleges to be with his mother. That was why he understood how much my family meant to me, what I was willing to go through for them; he felt the same about his.
My eyes drifted back toward the high school years, and I gasped when I saw it. It was the picture that ran on the front of the sports section, the one I had pinned on my bedroom wall. I pulled the frame off the wall and couldn’t contain my smile. It was from the school assembly after they’d won state. Everything about that assembly lingered in my mind, from the sheer noise of the gym to Josh’s ecstatic face as he carried the trophy high above his head.
The picture captured that moment in perfection, from the deep maroon of his uniform to the blissful look on his profiled face with the trophy hoisted. He was beautiful, dangerous, and young, exactly how I remembered him. But even as gorgeous as that picture was, the high school version of Josh couldn’t hold a candle to the one I loved now. Now his beauty and danger were tempered with maturity, which made him all the more amazing.
I lingered over the lines of his face, joy and pride emanating from him. I’d studied this picture so often and always found something I hadn’t seen before. I loved that he wasn’t just happy, there was something deeper there, a longing. I loved that we both had the same picture on our walls. I loved him.
But this wasn’t the same version the paper had printed. That one had been cropped, apparently. I caught the details behind him now, the ones left off the print I had. In this picture, the crowd of students was visible behind him in beautiful detail. I had always wondered what he had been staring at, longing for. I traced my finger over the glass, following his line of sight.
It was me.
I was sitting next to Sam, laughing at something she said, and Josh’s eyes were focused on me. Everything in me melted. He had noticed me, and after last night, I knew that look. He wanted me. I may have been gangly, awkward, and fifteen, but Josh Walker noticed me. I shook my head and smiled to myself as I rehung the picture. I’d definitely need this version.