"And daddy loves both of you" my dad says right before the video shuts down.
"Yeah that was mom" his voice comes out raspy. Why haven't I seen this video before? Are there more? I turn to face him "Why are you watching this?". Why now? For the first time in my life I can see the broken man that is my father. He reminds me of.. of... me. Oh god! How didn't I see it before? "That was the happiest I've ever been in my life" he admits. My heart reaches out to his. I know that pain very well. I walk over to him and lay my head on his lap "What happen?". I want to know everything I have so many questions but I'm not going to push him.
"You look just like her you know?" he says as he combs my hair back it reminds me of when he use to do my hair. He can do a hell of a pony tail and don't let me get started on the pigtails. I'm definite dying my hair back to my natural color now that I know I got it from my mom.
"You've always looked like your mom even back then when you were only a day old. We didn't have much back then but I was so happy to have my two girls home. I was working a 9 to 5 job but that wasn't enough. Your mother wanted to drop out of school to help me but I didn't let her. I wanted your mom to finish school. We both were so young we had no idea how difficult having a baby was, don't get me wrong I don't regret having you, ever. You were and still are the best thing that has ever happen in my life," he says as my tears fall on to his lap. Even after everything I have done he still thinks I'm the best thing that has happen to him. I'm afraid to talk I don't want him to stop talking.
"I was responsible for you and your mom. I had to make sure there was food on our table and a roof over our heads. I didn't want your mom to drop out of school because she was a smart cookie she had it in her to make it far in life. I knew that if she dropped out there was no way she would ever go back. So I decided to get another job to keep us from living under a bridge and even with two jobs I still wasn't making enough. One day while I was in my second job a coworker came up to me and offer me a way to win some extra money by selling drugs. I refuse at first but then everything started to pile up and we didn't have help it was only me and your mom. So I agreed it's not like I could of gotten a third job. I was exhausted as it was. In the beginning it was just a few bags and a little extra cash. I was in no danger and I was supporting my family the best way I could but then the bags got bigger and so did the cash"