I really don't feel like shopping I have a closet full of brand new cloths. But any time I get to spend with Sammy I'll take it.
"Sounds good to me" I reply.
"Kay prima see you then" she hangs up.
Sammy is more than a cousin to me she is like a little sister combine with a best friend. She has been my partner and crime since I can remember. I can't even remember how many times we got in trouble for doing what we weren't suppose too. I walk over to my closet to start separating my cloths into two piles. One pile is made up of fancy, classy, expensive, designer cloths that my father insist on buying me. He thinks that by buying me the newest hottest designer cloths I would go back to my old self. He doesn't get that all of this don't mean nothing to me it's just material. The second pile is made up of normal none expensive cloths. I love being comfortable I don't need a 500 hundred dollar shirt that will fit the same as a 20 dollar shirt. Don't get me wrong I'm all for pampering myself all I'm saying is that there is nothing wrong with cheap cloths. "Butterfly?" Nina says scaring the shit out of me. I didn't even hear her walk in. "What are you doing?" she walks towards me. I take a moment to collect myself before answering. "Nothing Nina just picking out some cloths to donate" I finally say once I get my voice back in check. She walks over to the second pile "I can take this downstairs and have some one take it for you". She thinks nothing about me donating cloths because I always do. I have way to much cloths some of them I don't even get to wear. Instead of having them hang in my closet for ever I decided to donate them to people who have nothing and deserve it all. Everything I have has been giving to me I have never earn any of it and that makes me feel like a brat. I can't let her take that pile because I need it for something else but I can't give her the other one either with the new cloths because she will know something is up. Think Jane think. "Thanks but I'm not done with that pile yet so I'll take it downstairs when I finish" I concentrate on folding the shirt in front of me. I avoid looking at her she can always tell when I'm lying. "Butterfly you're so sweet and kind just like your mother" she taps my shoulder and leaves before I start asking questions about my mom. No one is allow to talk about my mother especially with me. Every time I ask my dad the answer is always the same she died when I was young. I know that already but I don't know how she died. I don't even know where she is buried. I wish I had a tomb to take flowers on mother days, on her birthday, or when ever I feel like talking to her. It seems like she never existed like if she is just a figment of my imagination. Well that is going to change pretty soon. I need to find out what really happen to her and I need to find out where she is buried. I should at least be able to visit her tomb when ever I want. Thursday comes around so fast and my nerves are on the edge for Saturday. Everything has to come out just right I can't mess this up because this might be the only chance I get. "Jane!" my father yells from downstairs "Sammy is here". I have been waiting for her all day. She has been bothering me to go over so we can pick out our outfit for the party but I haven't had time to go over until today. I run downstairs and embrace her in a big hug. I miss seeing her face. "Well I'm happy to see you too prima" she hugs me back. She has no idea how happy and sad I am to see her. "Come on daddy has a mall waiting for us at the house" she pulls me towards the door. "Be safe you too" my father calls after us. "Bye dad" I wave to him. I don't know why he makes such a big deal we have no neighbors around us and the only ones we do have live miles and miles away from us and if that wasn't bad enough it's my uncle's house. One of the men in black opens the door for us Sammy and I came up with their nick names after watching the movie. When we were younger we use to pretend that they were here to protect us from nasty roaches. "How annoying is this? I can't even drive to your house with out Will Smith and Tommy Lee" Sammy says. Sam still don't know what the family business is and I'm not going to be the one to pop her bubble. I know she has the right to know what's going on but I can't be the one to break her heart. I see the way she looks at her father the love and respect she has for him. That's the same way I used to look at my father before I found out everything and I won't be held responsible for killing that. No girl should look at her father differently. "They are just doing their job" I try not to laugh but fail miserly. She needs them around to keep her safe and I know why but she doesn't. "I know but they are still annoying," she rolls her eyes at them "I can't wait to go try on the cloths and they even brought shoes!". Sammy knows that high heels are my weakness. Show me a cute pair of heels and I'm a goner. "Hi, tio" I greet my uncle Jay as we walk in. Uncle Jay is my dad's older brother. They look exactly the same they can play it off as twins if they wanted to. My uncle Jay is my second favorite person in the world he has always spoiled me when ever my father wasn't around. He always let Sammy and me get away with almost everything. "Jane, how are you?" he gives me a hug. "Good and you? Where is Jr?" I return the hug smelling him in. Call me weird but I like smelling people. No one person smells the same they all have their different scent. "I'm fine baby girl and Jr is traveling you know he can never stay in one place for to long" he walks over to Sam and gives her a kiss. Jr is Sammy's older brother he is one year older than me. Unlike Sammy he knows the truth about our family business and he isn't a big fan of it either. Once he found out the truth he packed his shit up and hit the road. He only comes back once a year to visit Sam. My uncle was disappointed when he found out that Jr didn't want nothing to do with this life style so they don't get along. "Sammy has a whole mall waiting for you downstairs take what ever you want it's my treat" he says. By the way Sammy is jumping with excitement you'll would think it's her birthday instead of mines. "Thanks tio" I try to sound excited. "De nada" he gives us a last hug and walks out. "Come on" Sammy drags me downstairs. My jaw drops when I see all the cloths and shoes waiting for us. They weren't kidding when they said there was a whole mall down here I don't even know where to start. "Come on don't just stand there we have some shopping to do" Sam hollers. We shopped and talk for hours. I can talk to her all day and never get bored. "You know you can take anything you want not just that dress and those shoes" she points out when we finally pick out our outfits. I know that I can take anything I want but there is no point in taking more cloths that I am not going to wear. "What's wrong prima? You have been acting weird all day and your eyes are so sad. You look at me like you want to tell me something" she grabs my hand. I forgot how well she knows me. I wish I can tell her everything but I don't want her to carry this burden. "Nothing is wrong I am fine" I try brushing her off. "I know what's wrong" she says and I start to panic. How did she find out? I thought I was being careful. "You do?" I ask tightly. "Yeap you are sad because you miss your mom," thank god she think is that "Right?" she leans in. "You got me" I say feeling relief that my secret is still safe. She is right I do feel sad about my mom not being with me. Every year the pain gets worst. As I grew up I realize how much a girl needs their mom in their life. Sammy knows exactly how I feel because her mom left her and Jr a few years ago. Aunt Sandy was a hoe. Sorry to say it so bluntly but that's the truth. She couldn't keep her vagina in her pants. One day a younger man came around gave her attention and that's all it took for her to leave my uncle and her kids behind. What kind of mom can leave there kids behind just like that? "Aww prima is okay everything is going to be fine I promise" she gives me a hug. I'm trying so hard to hold in the tears that want to fall down. I hold on to her for what seems like for ever. Well at least that's what it feels like to me anyways. "Jane," I hear uncle Jay "Brian is here". I let go of Sammy and pick up my dress and shoes "Come on time for me to go back to my prison" I walk upstairs. "Bye tio thank you for the cloths and see you on Saturday" I give him a hug goodbye. It's funny how this kind and loving man is also a monster just like my father. "Bye prima" Sam gives me another hug and I can't help but to feel guilty for lying to her. "Come on Brain where did you leave Pinky?" I tease him. "I see some one got their sense of humor back" he reply. I been kind of off lately worrying about the party. "Some one has to make all ya mummies laugh" I smirk. He gives me a ghost smile. In a dysfunctional way Brain is like a godfather to me he has known me since I was a baby. He is in charge of my fathers and my safety. My father wouldn't trust my life with no one else but him. "Miss. Jane," he says. I lift my head to look at him through the mirror "I just want to say that I am proud of the young lady that you have blossom into. I been in this life style for a long time and I have never met some one with such a good heart like yours. If there is any one that deserve better than all of this is you". Hearing him say that makes me feel sad inside. "Thanks Brain" I smile. I don't understand how they can all live a double life. How they go from sweet and kind to evil and bad? It's like they can switch their humanity on and off when ever they need to. I don't know how they do it. I have been living in hell ever since I found out. At first I was in denial then I tried accepting it. I accepted the fact that this is my father's lifestyle and that there is no turning back for him. I even understand that he has to turn into a monster that's the way he does business I don't approve of it but I accept it. That doesn't mean that this is what I want for my life. I don't want any of it not the money or the power. All I want is my freedom and that has no price.