I sunk back in the couch, letting the tears escape that I held back for too long. These tears weren’t for Jericho; they weren’t even for Amory or the rebellion. They were for Kiran. I couldn’t distinguish if they were grief or hurt or longing, but they came in choking sobs that racked my body.
I cried like that for a long time, fully mourning the feelings and memories that were not exclusive to Kiran’s heart alone, that were born in my heart as well and stayed deeply rooted in my veins and magic. And then I lay down on the couch and wiped my eyes. There had been way too many tears for one day. I reminded myself of the war, of those prisoners underneath the castle, and with determined resolve I would not shed another tear over another boy until Lucan was dead, I fell asleep.
Chapter Thirty-Four
I shot off the couch at the sound of pans being banged together. I slept through the night, and until Kiran’s movements in the kitchen I forgot where I was. Standing awkwardly in the middle of the living room, I rubbed my eyes and sent magic through me to fully wake my senses. I turned around to face Kiran, not sure what to expect but braving the consequences for my actions yesterday.
“Good morning,” he smiled chirpily at me from across the house, cooking something that smelled suspiciously like bacon on the stove.
“Good morning….” I replied distrustfully.
“Are you hungry? I’m making breakfast,” Kiran explained. I expected wrath and retaliation this morning, not breakfast…. What was going on?
“Yes, I am actually,” I admitted, rubbing my stomach greedily.
“Would you like to change while I finish up?” Kiran asked, looking up at me from the stove. “I don’t have much that will fit you, but I laid out some clothes on my bed upstairs that I think will work, if you want.” He shrugged as if it were totally up to me. I looked down at my stretched out tank top and jeans I had been wearing for the last three days. Of course, I wanted to change.
I pointed upstairs and he nodded his head permissively. I turned my back on the bacon and walked slowly upstairs, afraid to enter another one of Kiran’s bedrooms. At the top of the stairs, I paused to take it all in.
Light streamed in from open windows on every wall, casting long light beams across a king-sized bed that took up the middle of the loft. The bed had tall, thick posters that matched all of the other furniture, intricately chiseled with careful knife work. One long and one tall dresser took up one wall, made in the same style and a handcrafted writing desk sat against another wall, under a large picture window. I peeked into a modern, luxurious bathroom and then ran back to grab the clothes Kiran lay out on the end of his bed.
In the bathroom I took a quick shower, using his razor to shave my embarrassing legs and then rinsed it thoroughly, deciding to keep that a secret. I used his shampoo on my hair and then his soap that I regretted instantly. Not only was it manly and too strong for me, it smelled just like him and I knew it would stay with me all day.
I hopped out of the shower quickly, remembering the bacon, and dried off together with a towel hanging next to the shower and my magic. I styled my hair the same way, and regretted that my eyeliner waited for me back at the castle. I sighed, convincing myself it didn’t matter and slipped into a plain black t-shirt he left for me and sweatpants that were much too big. I rolled the waist so that they would stay up and took in my appearance in the mirror.
Well, it would do. I grabbed my ponytail holder and threw my hair up in a knot on top of my head, disappointed to hide how tamed it looked after I styled it, but deciding down was just too formal with my sweatpants. I slipped a pair of Kiran’s flip flops on, instead of my gladiator sandals and walked out of the bathroom, feeling very refreshed.
At the bottom of the stairs, I paused to watch Kiran finish setting the table. He stood back from the place setting he just laid down and nodded his head to affirm its perfection. I cleared my throat so he would notice I returned and watched him jump a little, startled at me catching him.
His surprise quickly turned into charm and he smiled at me. He watched me walk toward him, looking me over in his clothes and his expression turned into something more…. something like pride.
He pulled the chair out for me and I sat down, still not sure what to think of his behavior. He took the seat at the head of the table so that we sat adjacent to each other. Our plates were already filled with bacon and eggs and homemade hash browns so I followed his lead and dug in.
I hadn’t realized how hungry I was, but I hadn’t eaten at all yesterday and his food was delicious. He watched me with morbid curiosity as I finished everything on my plate and reached for his last piece of bacon without asking.
“Sorry,” I apologized with a full mouth.
“By all means,” he gestured playfully at the rest of his plate.
“Uh, are we Ok?” I brought up our kiss, unable to stand the imaginary tension between us.
“What do you mean?” he asked casually, although his eyes narrowed perceptively.
“You know what I mean…. Are we Ok after yesterday?” I mumbled that last half of my sentence, my cheeks blushing from my own memories.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Kiran admitted, his eyes dancing amusedly. He was seriously going to make me say the words.
“Is everything all right between us after we….” I cleared my throat and forced myself to find courage, “after we kissed.”