She waited at the corner of the large rug, holding a tray laden with food. Her brow furrowed at my blank look. “Are you hungry?”
“Aye, I am. Thank you.” I rose, and stepped forward to take the tray from her, but she moved to the side and set it on a table near the hearth. Unsure of what to do, I waited as she poured a cup of wine, removed the coverings on the plates, and unwrapped the bread cloth.
“Would you like to join me?” I asked her.
She glanced over her shoulder, and I caught a brief flash of surprise before her face returned to the serene expression of before. After she finished arranging my supper, she turned and studied me. “You are different,” she said frankly, her vivid blue eyes intent on my reaction.
“Aye, well, my father was not of Danaan blood, as you know.”
She frowned and bit her lip. “No. ‘Tis something else, I mean. There’s a difference in you that isn’t in Balen, or Anu, or those of this land.”
“What kind of difference?”
She shrugged. Her blue eyes went cold and shrewd. I wasn’t sure whether I liked this priestess of Anu or not. “I know not what it is,” she muttered to herself more than to me as she pulled the wooden table between the two chairs. Her long hair fell to shield her face. “It is but a sense I have.”
I motioned to the companion chair by the fire. “Please sit with me. I haven’t had a female to talk to in quite a while.”
There wasn’t another cup or plate, so I took a drink of the wine then offered it to her as she sat down. She hesitated before taking the cup. My curiosity was stronger than my appetite, but I forced down a few bites of freshly baked bread and cheese.
“I know it was before your time,” I said, “but would you have any other knowledge of my father? Did he live long?” The question pained me. “Did he find someone, a companion?” I held on to the hope that he hadn’t died alone.
Deirdre chewed her food thoughtfully then drank deeply from the cup. “Conlainn had been gone for so long he couldn’t find his place here among his own people. He knew no one for they’d all passed on. Out of time and out of place, he was. I have heard tell that he walked into the forest and never returned. That’s all I know.”
To hear of my father’s isolation tore my heart in half. How he’d longed to return to his homeland; he’d left me, his desire so great. Yet when he’d risked his very life to leave Innis Fail, all he’d found on the other side was the same thing he’d left. He had no one. He was an outcast. I could only imagine what that did to him.
I buried my face in my hands and wept. I wept like I had when Mother passed to the Place of Souls. If only I could’ve been there. To have comforted him and been there for his last breath. To have held his hand and tempered the panic of death. I cried until there were no more tears left in me.
By the time I was done, my face was swollen and hot, and my head throbbed. Deirdre finished off the last bite of the entire meal she’d set out. She watched me, and I wondered if she’d ever taken her eyes off of me as I grieved. Not once had she offered comfort, by words or touch.
Deirdre’s coldness made it easier to check my emotions. I straightened in the chair and wiped my face with the sleeve of my tunic. “Do you know the place? The woods where he went?”
She lifted the tall wine jug, refilled the cup, and offered it to me. “I know, but it’s a forbidden, dark place. No good comes from that forest. Why do you ask?”
After draining the cup, I set it on the tray and poured another. “Because it’s where he died, is it not?”
“Aye, so they say. You wish to pay tribute.”
“I do.” I drank deeply, hoping the wine would dull my pain. “You’ll tell me how to reach the place you speak of?”
Deirdre nodded. “Tomorrow, at nightfall, we begin the festival of fire to ensure a plentiful harvest season.” She leaned forward. Cunning flashed in her eyes. “First, you and Balen join in the rites, and then I’ll tell you where your father lies.”
The wine slowed my response, but it didn’t stop the flames that leapt to my cheeks. Deirdre stood and tossed her thick hair behind her shoulder. “It’s a gift to be chosen. I’ve been chosen many times. Your joining will bless us with great fertility and good fortune.”
I didn’t want to bless her with anything. Especially with Balen. Not in that way. “I can’t join with Balen.”
I got up. I knew what the festival rites entailed, a chosen couple joining together, their coupling a symbol of fertility and the hopes of a blessed harvest. We held similar festivals in Innis Fail, but I rarely took part.
Her brow rose. “You have never lain with him. Or any male.”
Her smug tone set me on fire. “And you have lain with many, I take it.”
She grinned fully. “Only with the goddess’s consent.” She leaned back against the column by the bed, striking a wanton pose—to embarrass me. “Do you know I’m the most beautiful woman in Éire? Sought after by kings and champions alike. The goddess chose me for my beauty.”
And not much else, I wanted to say. I couldn’t resist rolling my eyes. Aye, the goddess had chosen Deirdre—for her looks and her empty head. Empty head, meant empty vessel with which to fill. It wasn’t fair of me, but Deirdre didn’t inspire kindness.
She laughed, pushed off the column. “I could teach you.”
I stepped back, horrified.
“You are naïve, daughter of Anu. I mean, I could teach you, tell you what to do and what to expect.”
“I know what to expect.”
“Do you really?”
“Aye, I do. And I won’t join with Balen on anyone’s terms but my own.”
“Ah, so you would have him then.”
Never before had a woman stirred such wrath in me. “Deirdre,” I said, coldly. “Do you have a point, a purpose in all this?”
She walked around me to sit on the edge of the bed, crossing one leg over the other and leaning inward on one hip. The fire caught the red tones in her hair. Her gown stretched across her breasts. She knew exactly the image she posed.
I was wise enough to know I’d never understand Deirdre’s motivations. I wasn’t versed in female warfare. The double meanings, the wiles, the envy…
She thought on my question. “The world is a harsh place for a woman, Dia. It’s a harsher place when one is lost and cannot find their way.” She patted the mattress. “I’m not your enemy. I do what I feel the goddess wants of me.”
“And she wants you to antagonize me?”
Deirdre laughed. Not contrived or devious. It was a genuine laugh. I surprised myself with my words and felt the bubble of laughter rise in me, too.
“Please come. Sit.”
She patted the bed again and this time, I joined her, pulling one knee in and facing her. “I don’t understand you.”
“Good.” She moved to sit cross legged, her hands folded in her lap. “You must always be on guard. Always question the intentions and sincerity of others.”
Her words sent a shiver up my back. “Why are you telling me this?”
“To protect you. You must put your trust and your faith in yourself, Deira.” She looked at the ceiling then sighed. “At least that’s what I feel.”
Immediately, I thought of Nox’s words, the doubts he had planted about Balen. And now Deirdre warned me to trust only myself. It left me confused and feeling very much alone.
She took my hands. “You’re not alone. You have the ear of Anu, and there are those who are genuine, who hope you succeed in saving your land.”
“You know what I seek?”
“You are the Light Bearer. Aye, I know.” She smiled. “I, too, have Anu’s ear.”
“And you have her blessing as well.” Anu might hear me, but she’d never warmed me with her blessing as Dagda had done that night in Falias, never spoke to me, never cared for me. The goddess was in my blood, yet she’d rejected me.
Suddenly, the burden of my quest weighed heavily on my shoulders. I sought the unattainable. Finding the Lia Fail… I sighed hopelessly. My path was cloudy and littered with indecision.
“And Balen. Can I trust him?” I asked.
“With your life, this much I know.”
“Deirdre, Innis Fail is dying. If the Lia Fail still exists, even a piece of it, it might help save us from the cold.”
“Aye, Balen informed me and Liath while you slept,” she said, sadness thick in her voice. “We told him all we knew. After the war between Éire and Innis Fail, all the pieces of the Lia Fail, save one, were brought back to Éire where they resided in the Hall of Warriors. The power within the pieces was great, but the fathá didn’t possess the knowledge to mend the Lia Fail or to harness the power, so they pulled their magic and set the pieces into a sacred pillar stone within the forests of Cathair Crofin.”
Hope rose. “The pillar stone, does it still exist?”
“This was ages past, Deira, so no one can say for certain. But I will say this; many have tried to find it and failed. Terrible deeds have happened in those woods. Dark things exist there. ‘Tis a burial place of lost souls, of the champions who have sought the prize and failed. No one goes beyond the tree line. And if they do, they don’t return. Your father was one of them.”
Goosebumps spread over my arms. I ran my hand over fur blanket. Thinking of Father brought another round of hurt. I pushed it aside, not wanting to feel that way again, not so soon.
“You know,” she said at length, “the fertility rites can be performed here. They don’t have to happen outside in the circle... You and Balen are descended from gods, and thus gods yourselves. That you are here now, with us, that you’ll attend the festival is the highest of honors.”
“Your offerings must be made. Your season must be blessed.”
Deirdre winked at me. “’Tis either a virgin or a priestess. One of us must perform the fertility rite. Do you think Balen would be interested?”