“Azriel—”
“What you want is not wise, Risa.”
“I don’t care.”
“I know.” There was a hint of resignation in his voice, but he still refused to turn around.
I let my fingers trail on, tracing the outline of a comet. The tension in him grew. “Tell me,” I said softly. “If you and I were both reapers, would you be standing there with your back to me right now?”
“No, I would not.”
“Then don’t do it now.”
He sighed. “You do not understand the risk—”
“If assimilation is our fate, Azriel, then it will happen whether or not we make love.”
“I was not talking about assimilation.”
“Then what were you talking about?”
He didn’t answer. He never did when it came to questions like that. I tried a different tack. “You once said that reapers make love by combining energies. Can we at least attempt something like that, if you’re so set against physical lovemaking right now?”
“We could.” He hesitated. “But I doubt it would be any wiser, and for even more reasons.”
“Damn it, Azriel, just this once, why don’t you forget reason? What the hell do you want?”
For a moment I thought he wasn’t going to answer. Then he sighed and said, almost inaudibly, “You.”
And with that, he turned around, took me in his arms, and kissed me fiercely.
Chapter 5
There was nothing sweet about this kiss, nothing soft, because it was filled with all the hunger of a man in desperate need. I wrapped my arms around his neck and returned it in kind, and for what seemed like ages, there was nothing but the kiss and the desire that exploded between us.
When he finally pulled back, his eyes burned with a hunger deeper than anything I’d ever seen before. “Just so you know, reapers do not engage in kisses like that.”
“Well, they sure as hell should.”
He smiled, then caught my hand and led me toward the bed. “I agree that there is something rather satisfying about flesh-on-flesh contact, be it lips or something more intimate.”
“Something more intimate?” Amusement bubbled through me. “That’s a polite way of putting it, I guess.”
“I am nothing if not polite.” He released my hand and sat cross-legged on the bed, then motioned for me to do the same. “Press your knees against mine.”
“If a reaper’s idea of sex doesn’t involve more touching than this,” I commented, “I don’t think I’m going to like it very much. Especially given I’m naked and you’re not.”
“Trust me, our state of dress will not matter.” His smile creased the corners of his eyes and made my heart do a happy little dance. “And I am not entirely sure this will even work—although there is enough Aedh in you that it should—so behave.”
“I am yours to command.”
“If only.” Though his voice was bland, it held a hint of sadness that tugged at something deep inside. “Because you are still flesh based, we will have to take this slowly. Are you ready?”
I smiled. “You should know me well enough by now to guess that answer.”
“True.” A smile briefly lifted the corners of his mouth; then his expression became serious again. “Close your eyes and concentrate on nothing more than your breathing.”
“That hardly sounds like fun.”
“Stop talking and concentrate if you want to do this.” It was softly said, yet held a note of iron.
I shut up.
“Now,” he continued. “Let go of the awareness of all that is around you, until there is no sound, no scent, just you and every intake of breath.”
Meditate, in other words. I closed my eyes and concentrated on nothing more than breathing in and out. My heartbeat began to even out, and a sense of peace settled around me. As the minutes slid by, my breathing slowed further, until I was on the edge of an almost trancelike state.
“Feel,” he said, picking up my hand and placing it on his chest. His skin was warm under my fingertips, his heart a steady, strong drum. “The rhythm of my breath. Breathe in as I breathe out.”
My fingers rose with every movement of his chest, so even though I couldn’t hear his breathing, it was easy enough to set mine on a separate course to his.
“Now, feel my breath on your lips,” he continued softly. “Let it run across your tongue and into your body. Let it fill you, become you.”
Warm air teased my mouth. My lips parted and I drew it in, filling my throat with his taste and my lungs with the scent of him, until all I could feel and all I could sense was the energy of his presence. In me, around me.
“Open your eyes.”
I obeyed, and stepped into an ocean of blue. It was beautiful, that ocean, beautiful, but turbulent, and oh so powerful. My body began to tremble, not just with expectation and desire, but also fear. I was reaching for something I didn’t understand, and it was far more dangerous than even Azriel thought. My throat tightened, and the rhythm of my breathing momentarily faltered. His fingers came to rest on my chest, his touch warm, electric.
“There is nothing to fear, Risa.” His voice swirled around me, soft and hypnotic. “There is no darkness here. There is just us, two beings connected by flesh, connected by air, and connected by the essence of all that we are.”
The fear ebbed away, and once again there was only him. His energy, his being. Against my skin and in my mind. Burning bright, within and without, making me tremble, ache. Want.
“Imagine there is no flesh to separate us,” he continued. “That there is only energy and desire. Call to them, Risa. Become them.”
It was as if his words were some sort of trigger. Power surged, became a rush of fire that invaded every muscle, every cell, breaking them down and tearing them apart, until my flesh no longer existed and I was one with the air.
As was he.
He was bright and fierce, a being that glowed like the sun and who was as beautiful as the moon. He drew me toward him, wrapped himself around me, until the music of his being began to play through mine and mine through his. It was a dance, a caress, a tease. It was movement, heat, and desire. It was crazy and electric, a firestorm that ripped through every particle of my being. It was pleasure unlike anything I’d ever experienced or felt before, and it took me ever higher. Our beings continued to entwine, tighter and tighter, until there was no separation—no him, no me, just the music of the two of us combined. And oh, the song we made was beautiful, and powerful, and right. Still the dance went on, burning ever brighter, until it felt as if the threads of our beings would surely explode.
Then everything did explode, and I fell into a storm of electric, unimaginable bliss.
I’m not entirely sure when, exactly, I came back to flesh, but when I did it was to an awareness of utter exhaustion. My body trembled, sweat trickled down my spine, and my breath was quick, shallow pants, as if my body couldn’t get air quickly enough. And yet I felt alive in a way that was indescribable.
“God,” I murmured, when I finally could. “Is it always like that for you reapers?”
He brushed a thumb lightly across my lips and smiled. “No, not always.”
There was a note that almost sounded like amazement in his voice. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He glowed with health and vitality, his skin golden and his blue eyes shining. “You recharged?”
“Yes.” He hesitated. “I hadn’t meant to, but the intensity of the moment got the better of me. Unfortunately, it is the reason you are now so weak.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Do you see me complaining?”
He smiled, then leaned forward and kissed me tenderly. “No. However, you should rest now.”
“But I don’t want—”
He briefly pressed a finger against my lips to halt my protest. “For once in your life, just do what I ask without argument.”
“In honor of that amazing experience, I’ll obey. Just don’t expect it to happen too often. Me obeying, that is.”
“Oh, I won’t.” His voice was dry as he rose gracefully from the bed. “Sleep, Risa.”
I did. And for longer than I’d expected, because it was late afternoon by the time I woke. I stretched, and suddenly realized I felt better than I had in days, if not weeks. I was refreshed, revitalized. Normal, almost.
Or as normal as someone like me could ever get.
“The recharging appears to have gone both ways,” Azriel commented. “Which is good, but extremely unusual.”
I glanced around. He’d returned to his post by the window, but this time his stance was relaxed and his skin gleamed warmly in the afternoon sunshine. “Meaning recharging for reapers is usually only one-way?”
“No, but you are not reaper; nor are you full Aedh. It should not have affected you as strongly as it did.”
“Well, I’m not complaining about it, that’s for sure.” I sat upright in bed, but as I did, that nagging, niggling sense of wrongness returned. I frowned and reached for my phone a half second before it rang.
I glanced at the number and saw that it was Rachel. No doubt she was simply ringing to let me know someone hadn’t turned up again. But one glance at the clock told me they were midshift, not at the beginning. It couldn’t be that.
Something was very wrong. Of that I had no doubt.
I hit the RECEIVE button and said, throat dry, “Rachel, what’s up?”
“It’s Tao,” she said. “He’s disappeared.”
Disappeared? Oh fuck, please don’t let it be the fire elemental. Please let it be something—anything—else.
“When?” I asked. My throat was so dry with fear, it came out harsher than I’d intended.
“About an hour ago. He said he was hot and was going outside to cool down. Didn’t think much of it, as he’s been doing that a lot lately.”
Because he was losing the battle. I rubbed a hand across suddenly stinging eyes. Damn it, I didn’t need this on top of everything else. But then, it wasn’t like Tao needed it, either, and it was my fault he was in this mess in the first place. If I hadn’t included him and Ilianna—