“You didn’t go out?”
I shake my head, closing the door. “I had no need to.”
Dad pours himself a glass of water from the bar fridge and clears his throat. “I’m going to have a shower and then I’m going to bed. Thanks again, Seth.”
“Anytime.” Seth strolls over to the couches and sits down as Dad waves us both off and disappears into his room.
I slowly make my way over to the couches and Seth watches me closely. When my eyes meet his, a brilliant, playful smile creeps across his face and when I sit down next to him, he leans closer, his warmth enveloping me.
“How’d you like the fight?” He asks me after an elongated silence.
“I didn’t.”
He smiles wider, obviously thrilled by my response. He plants his hand firmly on my upper thigh, igniting the fire I thought I extinguished with the cold shower. He caresses me up and down and we sit in silence, enjoying each other’s company.
“I thought the guy was going to die.” I add, feeling the need to have a reason for my displeasure.
Seth laughs loudly and the thought of provoking such a beautiful sound from such a beautiful man intrigues me. I want to do it again and again. He reaches for me, pulling me in closer and I try desperately to keep breathing. “No one would have let him die.”
“Still... it was horrifying.”
“What did Don want?” He asks, changing the subject abruptly. His smile is still in place, although now it seems forced.
“Revenge sex, apparently.”
Seth scoffs, his smile fading and his eyes thinning into slits. “Can you believe the fucking balls on that guy?”
I cringe. The last thing I want to do is picture Don Russell’s balls. “I could never have sex with him...” I reply, feeling like I should reassure him. “He’s creepy and his dragon tattoo freaks me out.”
I’m distracted by his gaze. It’s fixated on a small ball of fluff on my pants. He picks at it, trying to pull it off, but his fingers are too thick.
“I’ve never really cared about my actions... until recently.” He confesses, bringing his attention back to my face. His eyes are cloudy with regret and I’m lost, unsure of what he’s talking about. “Mason and now Don. It’s all coming back to bite me in the ass and now that I finally have something I care about... I’m afraid it’s going to be taken from me. I don’t care what happens to me... but I care what happens to you. I don’t want my past behaviors to reflect negatively upon you. You’re good and I don’t want to taint that.”
Surely he doesn’t still think I’m good? Especially after all of the naughty stuff we’ve done? I push the thought to the back of my mind. It’s not important right now. I reach out and rub my thumb along the apple of his cheek and then press a tender kiss to his lips. I know for certain now that he has feelings for me and I want to nurture them. I want to make him feel secure and sure that I would never hurt him like that.
“I’ve done a lot of shit, O. Who knows what’s going to pop up next.”
“I don’t care.”
“You say that now.”
“Seth, I mean it. I don’t care. I know exactly what kind of person you are. I knew the moment I saw you.”
His sexiness isn’t exactly subtle. Of course girls want him—hell—boys probably want him, too.
I slide onto him, grabbing his face between my hands. I don’t know why, but whenever I see him so conflicted. I want to help. I want to make him happy.
“So you’ve had sex with tons of women, big deal. So you fight people for a living, who cares? It doesn’t mean you don't deserve me. It doesn’t mean you don’t deserve anything good.”
He shrugs. “I want to be with you—actually with you, not this friend’s with benefits crap.”
“But?”
A sad smile pulls at his lips. “You can’t lose what you don’t have, right?”
I frown. “Yes you can. We can’t be like this forever. There are things that I want in life like marriage and children—” Shit. “Not that I’m asking that of you.” I recover quickly. “And as much as I enjoy the sex and spending time with you, I can’t wait around for you to decide if you deserve me or not. I need to restart my life...and the sooner the better.”
He nods slowly, avoiding my eyes. Underneath me, I can feel him tense and become uncomfortable. I exhale and slide off him.
“So that’s it?”
Nothing.
“How do you ever expect to be happy when you won’t allow yourself to have the things you want?”
I have no idea what I’m saying... am I trying to pressure him into a relationship I’m not sure I’m ready for?
“I’m scared.” He says finally. “I’m scared that once I let you in, you’ll run the other way.”
I try all I can to keep my expression calm, but I laugh once at his comment. “I think I’ve seen the worst of it by now.”
“You haven’t. My world is messed up, Olivia. The part of my world that you’re experiencing is the good part. The other part is fucking complicated.”
I exhale. Ending the conversation here is probably my best option. If I push any further, it’ll do more damage than good.
“Okay.” I say, resigning. “I won’t pressure you.”
His fingers curl around my hand and he pulls me closer. I’m starting to feel like we’re playing an annoying game of tug of war with each other. He’s so close I can feel his breath on my cheek and his dark eyes seem to bore into me, as if he’s trying to understand something.
“You need answers and I’ll give them to you, I promise, but it has to be on my terms and when I’m ready.”
His words scare me. What exactly goes on his world that is so bad he can’t tell me? I know I should see it as a warning sign, but I’m compelled to know his story. I want to know him because I like him—more than like him—and I want to help. I want him to be happy.
Seth sets his hands low on my hips and pulls me onto him. Another round of fire pulses through me, melting me. He dips his head, placing kisses on my neck and I let out a small moan as I reach for his hair, letting the strands slip between my fingers.
“I want you so bad.” He groans.
Five words are all it takes to completely soak my underwear and I’m good to go. I need him and if I don’t get him I just know I’m going to be sitting in the bathroom under the cold shower all night.
“Let’s go to my room.” I suggest, my voice quiet and husky.
I slide off of him and tug on his hand. His dark eyes flicker to my father’s bedroom door and then back to my face. “We can’t.”
“He won’t know. We’ll be quiet and you can leave straight after, I promise.”
Seth’s gaze drags back to my father’s door and then back to my face. I tug on his arm a little harder and he rises to his feet. “Fine, but if we get busted I’m the victim.”
“Deal.”
He follows closely behind me and into my room. I flick the light switch on, revealing my big, mahogany double bed and dark paneled walls. On the floor is a chocolate brown rug and I think it’s meant to replicate bear fur, but I can’t tell. I spent a good twenty minutes this morning caressing it with my toes. The room gives off a cabin in the mountains kind of feel—it’s romantic, really. All that’s missing is a fireplace and a giant tiger rug—fake tiger, obviously.
“Thanks for the room.” I say, diming the lights and approaching my bed. “It’s very cozy.”
I feel him press against my back and I close my eyes. Even so little contact brings me crazy amounts of pleasure.
“We’re not having sex on the bed.” He states, grasping my hips and urging me toward the fluffy rug. I don’t know how I feel about having sex on a rug. A bed has been the only place I’ve had sex... with the exclusion of tonight’s teaser on the bench in Seth’s room.
“You’re bad for me.” I chuckle as he kneels down, bringing me with him.
He grins at me, charmingly and shuffles closer bringing his chest flush against mine. His cocky stare grows dark and seductive as he angles his head and leans nearer. Heat builds inside me, smoldering relentlessly in the pit of my stomach. Only when he presses his lips to mine, it isn’t wild and passionate like it was in the room before the fight. It’s soft... almost loving. Sensations slide smoothly through my body, warming everything and I tense. He pulls back, smiling. “What?”
I shake my head, unable to hide my own smile. His dark, chocolate eyes watch my face as his hands sweep slowly underneath my shirt and across every inch of my stomach. The warmth of his fingertips against my already over-heated skin is a propellant to my actions, and I yank my t-shirt over my head. The rough pads of his hands feel good and I want to feel them all over me. They continue to explore the curve of my waist before moving south over my hips. His thumbs hook under my pants and he drags them down, exposing me completely. The feel of his calloused hands against my body drives me into a near-frenzy, and I can’t fight the moan that escapes me when he presses his full lips to my collar bone. His tongue glides against my flesh and I bite down on my lip to prevent a whimper from escaping. Seth wraps an arm around my waist and he eases me onto my back—the fur rug feels as amazing on my back as it did on my feet. The appreciation of the rug is short lived as Seth freeing the rest of my legs from my pants takes precedence. I watch his face, suddenly nervous as his eyes move gradually up my body. They linger on my breasts, then my lips and finally my eyes. I feel my wetness, leaking warm and slick between my thighs. I’ve never been admired so carefully before. I’ve never started sex off on such a kind, slow note and it saddens me. Why had I continued with Blade for so long? His touch has never been caring, not like Seth’s is right now. Seth shrugs out of his black hoodie and pulls his own shirt off, showing off his beautiful body. I ogle him shamelessly as I allow my vision to trace the chiseled lines of his torso. His hand caresses my ankles then along the straight edge of my shin bone, across the rises and dips of my knee, up the front of my thighs—causing me to shiver—until they finally settle on my hip. He lies next to me, pulling on me and forcing my front against his. I swallow thickly as his fingertips draw small circles on my bare hip.
“I do care about you.” He whispers, brushing his nose against mine. “I don’t want you to think for a second that I don’t.”
I kiss him back sweetly, savoring every feeling he’s stirring inside me.
“I know I talk a lot of shit... but I’m serious.” His warm thumb glides over my cheek and then across my bottom lip. “And since we can’t be loud for your dad’s sake, let me be gentle. Let me show you how much I care.”
“But tonight you were so determined... so rough.”
He shakes his head. “I know. I saw you in that fucking dress and I couldn’t help myself. I don't want you to see me like that all the time... I don’t want you to think I’m using you.”
I chuckle and clear my throat nervously. “I know you’re not using me. We’ve done things a few times now… and you’re still here.”
“That’s a record, by the way.”
I nudge him playfully and he simpers. “I’m trying change, O. I want to be there for you like you are for me even though I close you out.”
His eyes catch mine and the over-confident gleam isn’t there. Instead, there’s a kind of uncertainty to his look, like he’s uncomfortable... or nervous.
“Touch me.” The words tumble from my mouth in a rushed whisper, exciting me in every sense of the term.
Seth’s eyes flare with pleasure as his hands leaves my face and trail down the side of my body, making me shiver as his fingertips brush over my hip. His brown eyes are glistening and when I look into them, it’s like I’m staring into his soul.
“Where do you want me to touch you?” He murmurs, gliding a finger up the middle of my stomach and between my breasts.
“Everywhere.”
Seth hooks his jean clad leg over me, straddling my hips. His hands caress my sides and then travel north to massage my breasts. His eyes remain on my face as he leans down and takes an already hard nipple between his lips. I whimper, arching my back slightly and pressing further into his mouth. My body trembles with pleasure as Seth’s tongue draws warm and wet circles around my swollen buds. His trail of soft kisses moves over my collar bone and onto the base of my neck while his hands run up the sides of my body, making me twitch a little underneath him. He’s being so sensual, so slow and it’s torture—sweet, sexy torture. My skin tingles when he pulls away and climbs to his feet. He looks down at me and unbuttons his jeans. They fall to the ground and he steps out of them before kicking them to the side. Seth stands there a little while longer, allowing me to appreciate everything about him and the very sight of him and all his hard glory causes the space between my legs to grow hot with moisture. There’s a small smile on his lips as he lowers himself onto me again, pressing his thick thigh muscle between my legs. I squirm against him, trying hard to keep my composure. He holds himself above me, keeping his eyes locked on mine and I can hear my heart pounding in my ears as my breathing turns shallow and quick. Seth, however, is the perfect picture of calm. The only giveaway being his hard length that rests upon my leg.
I gasp at the sensation as he sucks my nipple between his lips again, running his warm tongue over it. When he releases it, he moves upwards to my mouth and he kisses me until I’m gasping for air. I shift my hips under him, and he smiles down at me. I can’t wait any longer and a quiet laugh falls from his lips. “You’re impatient.”