For the first time since I’d arrived at Evernight Academy, I knew exactly what to do. I knew how to move, how to smile. I felt comfortable with Balthazar and basked in the warmth of his admiration. I fit in.
I’d never seen how I could be a part of the world of Evernight, but the path stretched before me then, broad and deep and welcoming—
“If that crew had gotten their claws into you—a sweet girl like you—I didn’t want to have to watch.”
Lucas’s voice echoed in my mind, so clear that he might as well have whispered into my ear. I stumbled, and the rhythm of the dance was lost to me in an instant. Balthazar quickly steered me off the dance floor with his arm across my shoulders. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” I lied. “I just—it’s so warm. I think I’m getting overheated.”
“Let’s get some fresh air.”
As Balthazar guided me through the dancers, I realized what I’d nearly done. I had been proud to be a part of Evernight—a place where the strong preyed upon the weak, where the beautiful looked down on the ordinary and where snobbery was more important than friendliness. Just because they’d stopped picking on me for one night, I was ready to forget what bastards most of them were.
Only remembering Lucas had brought me to my senses.
We stepped out onto the grounds. No chaperones lurked outside. Apparently Mrs. Bethany and the other teachers expected the late-fall chill to keep most students indoors, and when the cold air hit my bare shoulders and back, I could see why. Before I could start shivering, Balthazar took off his tuxedo jacket and wrapped it around my shoulders. “Better?”
“Yeah. I just need a second.”
He leaned closer, clearly concerned. Balthazar was such a gentleman, such a good and decent person. I wished he’d asked someone else to the dance, a girl who would appreciate him. He said only, “Let’s walk for a while.”
“Walk?”
“Unless you’d prefer to return to the dance—”
“No!” If I went back in there, maybe the spell would fall over me again and cloud my mind. I needed my head clear until I could understand what I’d nearly done. “I mean, no, not yet. Let’s go.”
The stars were brilliant overhead. It was a cloudless night, perfect for stargazing. I wished I could retreat back to the room at the top of the turret and look through my telescope at stars far away instead of all the confusion that surrounded me here. Behind us, the music and laughter of the dance slowly faded as we walked deeper into the woods.
At last, Balthazar said, “Okay, who is he?”
“Who?”
“The guy you’re crazy about.” Balthazar’s smile was sad.
“What?” I was so embarrassed, both for my sake and his, that I tried to bluff my way out of it. “I’m not seeing anybody else.”
“Give me some credit, Bianca. I’ve had enough experience to tell when a woman is thinking about another man.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, abashed. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“I can take it.” He put both his hands on my shoulders. “We’re friends, right? That means I want you to be happy. I’d rather you were happy with me—”
“Balthazar—”“—but I know it’s not always that simple.”
I shook my head. “No. It’s not. Because you’re the most amazing guy, and you ought to be the one I’m thinking about.”
“There’s no ‘ought to’ when it comes to love. Trust me on this.” His tuxedo shirt was brilliant white in the moonlight. Somehow Balthazar had never looked as handsome as he did when he was letting me go. “Is it that guy Vic? I see you talking to him sometimes.”
“Vic?” I had to laugh. “No. He’s great, but we’re just friends.”
“Then who?”
At first I was reluctant to tell him. Then I realized that I wanted to, because we really had become close friends after the past few weeks of spending time together. He always had time to listen, and he took my opinions seriously, even though I was younger and so much more sheltered than he was. Now Balthazar’s perspective meant something to me, too. “Lucas Ross.”
“The underdog wins a round.” Balthazar didn’t seem very pleased. Then again, why would he be pleased when I told him about some other guy I liked more? “I can see what you see in him.”
“You can?”
“Sure. He’s a good-looking guy, I guess.”
“That’s not it.” I wanted him to know what I truly meant. “It’s not like I haven’t noticed that Lucas’s attractive. But he’s the only person who understands what it’s like for me.”
“I could understand. Or I could try.” Balthazar glanced downward, and I realized that, as cool as he was playing it, this conversation was tough for him. “No more pleading. I promise.”
As gently as I could, I said, “You belong here, Balthazar. That’s why you can’t understand what it’s like for the rest of us who don’t.”
“You could belong here if you wanted to.”
“I don’t.”
He raised one eyebrow. “Then you’ll have some problems down the line.”
“That’s not what I mean.” Balthazar was trying to speak about the future, years and years away, and I didn’t want to think about that when things were confusing enough already. “I’m talking about high school. You’ve been around and seen the world. I don’t think you can realize how—how big this place is for me. How frightening it feels. If I let myself, I could fall into the trap of letting Evernight decide who and what I am. That’s not what I want. Lucas feels the same way.”
Balthazar considered that for a few seconds. Finally he nodded. I didn’t think I’d convinced him, but he’d heard me. “Lucas’s not a bad person,” he admitted. “Not as far as I know him, anyway. I’ve seen him stand up for students who were being picked on, and the things he talks about in class—he’s smart.”
I smiled. After weeks of doubting Lucas, it felt good to hear someone saying nice things about him.
Balthazar wasn’t done. “But he has a hot temper. You saw his fight with Erich, so you know that.” I felt guiltily grateful that Balthazar knew nothing about what had happened in the Riverton pizza parlor. “He’s defensive, too. I can see how Evernight might make somebody like him defensive, but that doesn’t change that he’s sometimes—”
“Volatile,” I finished. “Yes, I’ve seen it. I don’t know if we’ll ever get together, because of that. But you deserve to know what I’m feeling.”
“All I’m saying is, watch yourself. If he hurts you, get out fast.” He gave me a crooked smile. “Then maybe I can catch you on the rebound.”
I put one hand on his arm. “I should be so lucky.”
Balthazar kissed my forehead. He smelled like pipe smoke and leather, and I halfway wished I’d waited to say all this until after I’d gotten to really kiss him at least once. “Ready to go inside?” he asked.
“A few more minutes. I like it out here. Besides, you can see the stars tonight.”