She nods and swats my finger off her chin. “Got it.”
“Got what?” a wet-from-the-shower, fresh, delicious-looking Harper says from down below. She’s dressed in clean shorts and new tank top, black this time, and she’s got some cute sneakers on her feet. “What’d I miss?”
I stand up and walk down the stairs. “Not much. Just making sure Sasha knows we’re all in this together.” I look back up at the kid and wink. “Right, Smurf?”
“That’s right,” Sasha says as she gets to her feet and comes down to join us. She looks at Harp and produces a smile. And if it’s fake, I’m convinced. “He said we’re partners now. So you know, when we find that buried treasure we’re after, I get a cut. Right, James?”
“Buried treasure. Right, kid. You’re in.”
And then Sasha takes Harper’s hand and leads her towards the kitchen as she talks about food. Her crying jag is over, her sadness tucked away, her smile in place, and her attitude adjusted.
The relief I feel at procuring her cooperation is real.
Sasha Cherlin is not a kid you want to f**k over without a plan.
Chapter Twenty-Two - Harper
“I don’t think there’s any food in here, Sasha.”
“I bought us food at the visitor center, remember?”
“Ohhhh… I forgot. What’d you get? I’m so hungry!”
She goes over to her backpack and pulls out a plastic bag and then begins emptying the contents on the kitchen counter. Chips, those disgusting orange crackers, a half-eaten bag of gummy things, a chocolate bar that looks like it melted then congealed, and four sausage sticks.
Even though I have not eaten in two days, my stomach flips over just thinking about that food. “James!” I call out.“Yeah,” he answers back a few seconds later. What’s he doing in there? I walk towards the living room and find him pulling on a shirt. “What’s up?” he asks.
“I’m hungry and Sasha only bought junk food.”
“Hey,” Sasha complains. “It was a vending machine, what do you expect?”
“Can we go get something real?” I smile sweetly at James because his eyebrows are all knitted together, creating some serious worry lines across his forehead. “Just some tacos or something? Please, I’m so hungry.”
His worry lines soften and he smiles at me. “Yeah, OK, we gotta eat, right?” He looks over at Sasha now. “Are we all in agreement that we’ll spend the night here?”
“This place is practically my home,” Sasha says with her new attitude. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll stay here while you guys go get food.”
“Negative, Soldier Smurf,” James says. “Get your shoes on, we’re sticking together from now on.”
Sasha laughs at her nickname and then runs off to grab her things, while James puts his hands on my waist. “You look… fuckable.”
“Mmm.” I place my palm on his perfectly muscled chest. He draws in a breath as I let my fingertip trace the outline of his nipple and when I look up his mouth is already there. His lips are soft right now. He gives me a small open-mouth kiss, and pulls away, then comes back to nip my lip the way he does. My hands automatically wrap around his neck. I am eager for more. Whenever he’s near, I feel a want inside me. I want to touch him, lick his beautiful body, wrap my legs around him, and never let him go. “Don’t leave me,” I whisper impulsively as he continues to gift me with his small, tender kisses.
“I’m not going anywhere without you.”
“That’s not true and you know it. We have to part sometime. What does our future look like? You will have jobs to do. Like Nick. You’ll leave me standing here on the deck of the boat, waving. And my heart will crash and burn every time, thinking I will never see you again.”
“Harper—”
“Don’t,” I cut him off gently. “Don’t say that’s not how it will be, because we both know it will. I want to do things with you, James. More than just sex. I want to have dinner with you, and go on vacation with you, and celebrate things with you. Like birthdays and Christmases. It’s a child’s dream to never be away from the ones she loves. I understand that. But I’m getting so used to you, James.” I look up at him and he’s frowning. “I’m getting so used to you, it scares me. Because I know this is only our beginning. All the struggles are out there yet. In front of us. Things we have to get through to have some kind of future. And I can’t do it, James. I’m not that strong of a person. I need pills if I have to stay behind and wait to hear if you’re still alive.”
“No,” he says, tipping my chin up to make me look him in the eyes. “No more pills, Harper. Promise me. They’re a crutch and they make you weak and vulnerable. Your father gave you those pills to control you, don’t you understand?”
I disentangle myself from his embrace and turn my head. “If you’ve never been overcome with panic, then you have no idea what’s it like. I feel like I’m dying, James. Like my heart will come flying through my chest and life will be over. And if I don’t take the pills, then my mind starts in. Imagining my own death. Imagining the end. Giving to the inevitability of it. If I don’t have the pills I give up.” I look back at him and swallow. “You take that giving-up feeling away. You make me feel safe… you’re like my cure. But without you…” I just shake my head.