“This is the worst, isn't it?” I grumbled, laughing a little at the absurdity of our situation. “Some couple we make....”
“We will get through this,” Jericho promised, and for the first time all night I heard the optimism in his voice. “It won't be much longer before we make a move on the Citadel and when this is all over you, and I can be together and this season of our lives will become only a memory.”
I tipped my chin up to his mouth and invited him to kiss me. He closed the space between our lips, taking my mouth in his and kissing me passionately. His magic finally released in a sigh of relief that surged against mine. I kissed him back with confidence and security. Unlike when I kissed Kiran for show, with Jericho, I knew I was supposed to kiss him, I knew his arms were supposed to be wrapped around me and it felt right. It felt acceptable.
Still, with Kiran there was a.....
I couldn't think it, I couldn't entertain the thought and so I threw myself further into Jericho, pushing him backward on the bed and running my hand over his muscular chest reminding him with my body that I belonged to him, that I promised myself to him.... that I loved him.
He took my initiative with a sigh of longing, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer to him so that nothing remained between our bodies or our magic. His mouth moved against mine in a fevered passion, desperate to take all of me in that kiss, to remind me there was chemistry between us.
I gasped for breath, refusing to leave his arms, or remove my lips from his. Like so many other events in my life, being separated from Jericho after just starting something serious with him was another unfairness I had to live with. Only, I reminded myself, I willingly walked away from Jericho believing I had a bigger responsibility to a greater cause.
I loved Jericho, but circumstances had to line up perfectly in order for us to be together permanently. I would continue my role at the castle and if for some terrible reason Avalon and the Resistance weren't able to get to me before May first, I would walk down the aisle to Kiran and wait it out on the other side of marriage.
Having just realized I was willing to go as far as marriage with Kiran to protect others, I slowed my mouth against Jericho and relaxed my body. With one final, gentle kiss I laid my head against his chest and listened to his heart beat slowly. The realization that Jericho and I probably had no future together set into my blood like a slow-working poison and I didn't know what to do. I kept my head firmly nestled into the nook of where his arm met his chest and tried to banish the ominous feeling that our relationship came with our own expiration date. He ran his fingers through my hair, working carefully through the tangles and I wondered if he was having the same thoughts, the same vision of a love that would not last.
Another love that wouldn't last.
And then I sat up and looked at him. I wasn't fickle. I wasn't some immature girl anymore that had time to spare and love to throw away. I refused to be the girl that flip-flopped between boys because circumstances dictated who I spent time with.
I held his confused gaze in mine and ran my hand across his angular jaw. “Jericho, I love you,” I whispered with conviction.
His eyes relaxed and he responded sweetly, “I love you too.”
“This is dismal.... this situation we're in, I get that, but it doesn't have to be. I mean, you have to know and always remember that I love you and that's all that matters. I mean, even if we get to May first and.... and there's nothing we can do to stop the wedding, you need to know that I love you and I always will.” Tears came to the back of my eyes and I fought against them, not wanting to seem over-dramatic.
“Eden,” Jericho propped himself up on his elbows so that I would take him seriously, “I know that you love me. I don't ever doubt that..... How do I say this,” he asked himself and then continued, “But you loved me before you uh.... loved me. Does that make sense? You loved me as a friend before you loved me as a boyfriend, Ok? And the thing is our relationship started over the most emotional time in your life.... Look, what I'm trying to say is that if you stop.... if you go back to just loving me like a friend, I need you to be honest with me. I know what you had with Kiran was real, even if you don't want to admit it, but I deserve to be treated fairly.... Ok?” Jericho sat up all the way and held my face in his hands asking me to agree.
“Do you think that's what's going to happen?” I mumbled, depressed that he thought so little of my ability to love him.
“Eden, I don't know what's going to happen, no one does. Lucan could kill us all first thing in the morning, or we could win this thing and start a new way of life for our people together.... Either way, I know what I want to happen and I know how I feel about you. I just wanted you to hear my side of this whole mess.... But know, Eden, that I love you with all that I am.” He smiled encouragingly at me and I felt it then, the gentle way he was trying to give me a way out if I wanted one. He was the best kind of man and I was lucky he loved me, and that he was willing to put up with me.
“Good,” I teased, kissing him on the mouth again.
A knock at the door interrupted our moment and Avalon's voice could be heard on the other side of it asking us to hurry up.
“Come in, Avalon,” Jericho demanded. “Do you know it was just like this at Canesburry, too?”
“What does that mean?” I shrieked at the insinuation that he was constantly behind closed doors making out with other girls, but instead of encouragement he just winked at me.
“Hey, are you going to keep her up here all night, or do I get to see her too?” Avalon stuck his head in the door and eyed Jericho over with uncharacteristic suspicion.
“We were just about to come downstairs,” Jericho lied, and Avalon saw right through him.