“Why don’t...I mean, that night. Why haven’t we done it again?” Josiah asked.
Shit, the kid was brave. No, not the kid. Josiah. No one saw how fucking strong he was, how strong he could be. “Don’t know if it’s right.”
“You don’t want to?” Josiah whispered.
Heat seared him. Blood rushed through his veins. “I wanna do it. Believe me.” He was already getting hard just thinking about it. “I’m just... I’ve done some fucked up shit. If you knew, you wouldn’t want me anywhere near you. That’s why it doesn’t feel right. Not for you.”
Josiah quieted, but Teo could hear him breathe. His heart felt like it stopped, waiting to hear what Josiah would say next. Wishing he would tell Teo he was wrong.
Finally he spoke. “Sometimes, I wonder what my parents would be like. What my life would be like if they didn’t die. I usually do that on my birthday. Think about them. But this year all I can think is that if they were here, I wouldn’t know you. It’s probably a stupid thing to say, but I feel like I sort of need you. Like I would even if they were around.”
Teo’s heart was all but gone now. Shattered in the best way he had ever been hit. When Jay said shit like that? It made the bad shit not so bad. Or like maybe it was in the past and he could walk away from it. That he deserved to.
He rolled the piece of wood between his fingers. “You don’t need me.”
“Don’t tell me what I need. The past doesn’t matter. Molly says that. The past doesn’t matter. Whatever you’ve done, I don’t care.”
“You don’t even know me.” But as true as the words were in some ways, they weren’t in others. Josiah knew him enough to realize kissing him would be okay. He gave Teo time when he needed it and talked to him in ways no one else had.
So that’s why he didn’t let himself think about it as he pushed to his feet. As he walked over to Josiah’s bed, because if he wanted Teo there, really wanted him and not who everyone thought he was, Mateo would be there. Maybe even more for himself than for Josiah.
He pulled the blanket back and climbed under. For a second he wondered if he should have asked, but then Josiah scooted over like he wanted Teo there.
“What about Molly?” Josiah’s breath brushed across Mateo’s cheek.
“She always knocks. And if she doesn’t, I’ll tell her it was my fault. That you were sleepin’ or something and I just came over here.”
The pillow moved as Josiah shook his head. “I don’t want you to get in trouble for me. You’re always trying to protect me. With the kids at school and—”
“That’s all I have. All I know. I won’t fuck that up. I wanna protect you.”
Josiah rolled over so he faced him. Lights flickered from the window, making it so he could see Josiah. Mateo rolled over to look at him, too. After shoving his hand under the pillow and leaving his gift there, he ran his fingers through Josiah’s hair. This time it was Mateo who leaned forward to start the kiss. Josiah’s lips opened, and Teo slipped his tongue inside. He kissed him for what felt like forever and no time at all, too; his lips, his neck, shivered when Josiah’s mouth pressed against the scar by Teo’s throat.
His body was tight, sensitive, like any touch would make him break apart. When Josiah rolled to his back, Mateo went with him, lying on top of Josiah, between his legs. He pulled back, his blood running cold when the body beneath him froze. “Shit. I’m sorry. I thought...” Josiah always got stiff when he was nervous. Josiah’s hand at his back stopped Teo from pulling away.
“It’s okay. Don’t go.”
Slowly, Mateo leaned forward. He took his time teasing Josiah’s lips with his, not wanting to push. He’d been with girls, even when he didn’t want to be. He’d never really wanted to be. Josiah was the first guy and it felt so right that he wanted to have it all right now. That’s how he was raised. His dad taught him that when he wanted something he had to take it, push for it, but Teo would never be like that with Josiah. He wouldn’t screw this up by going too fast.
When they settled into a groove together, Teo moved his hips. Josiah did the same. Over and over, they kissed and rubbed against each other until pleasure burst inside Mateo. His body tensed as the best sensation he’d ever felt rolled through him.
Josiah groaned, and then he shuddered, breathing heavy. His grip on Teo tightened to the point it was almost painful as he followed Mateo over the edge. “That... Oh my God... Wow.”