My heart clenched. I couldn’t believe him. It’d hurt so damn worse if I did…
His lips moved against mine. “Your friend was right. I wouldn’t have been a good boyfriend. I was hurting. I was stupid. I was an ass**le. You’re right about all of that, but it wasn’t because I didn’t care. I did care. I cared too much.” His hand pressed against my hip as he ground into me. He began to breathe heavily. “I still do. Only you can reduce me to this.”
“To what?” I asked, my breath held in my throat. My heart was a continuous pounding now. I wondered if he could feel it. I could feel his. It was racing.
A dry chuckle left him. “To trapping you here. You make me crazy. You might not know it, but you do.”
Hope kindled in me. It was starting to build. I couldn’t let it so I shook my head. “Stop, Jesse. We should stop this before it gets worse.”
“Worse?” He cupped the back of my head and pulled away. His eyes held mine, searing into me. “I tried to give you space. I did. I stayed away from you after Vegas. I was tempted not to get a new phone, then I would have to leave you alone. But you came here and all I wanted was to see you every single night.”
I closed my eyes. The hope had mingled with another emotion, one I didn’t dare let myself feel. It was too dangerous. “Stop, Jesse.”
“No.”
“It can’t get worse than that. I’m not trying to be crude, but my dick’s been twitching since I heard your voice on the phone. I’ve been hard for six f**king days.”
Everything went flat for me. “That’s what this is about?”
“What?” He edged back a step. His eyes widened when he saw the anger in mine. “No. I meant—my dick has been hard, but this is more. I promise.”
I shoved him back. Damage done. “Can you take me back?”
He didn’t argue, but watched me warily. “Are you okay?”
“No.” Why lie? There was nothing to lose.
“Really?” His voice hitched on a note.
I frowned. That couldn’t have been panic. Jesse Hunt did not panic. He did not grovel. He did not feel anything except for lust. The memories of two years ago flooded back to me. Every time he looked away, every time he walked past without a hello, every time I saw him touch another girl, all flared in my memory. I cringed and clenched my teeth to keep from sobbing before I could stop the memories. They were haunting me.
“Alex?”
“Just take me home.” I’d been put through the emotional wringer. I wasn’t about to sign up for round two.
For the ride over, he kept looking at me. Every look sent my nerves on edge. My blood was already boiling, but if he kept that up, I was going to snap again. The only thing that held me back was the car. I didn’t want to die in a car accident like Ethan. A harsh laugh ripped from me at that last thought. Just like Ethan. God, Ethan.
Paralyzing pain filled me again. I hadn’t thought about Ethan in so long. He’d been buzzing around me at home. All day long, every day, every night, I felt his presence. I hadn’t felt him once since coming to Grant West.
I missed him.
Closing my eyes, I bit down on my lip and tried to keep from crying. I hadn’t let loose tears over him since coming here. I knew that if I did now, I wouldn’t be able to stop. Too much else was going on. I was barely holding it all in.
The ride took too long and not long enough. When Jesse got to my dorm, he had to go to the front door. The backdoor was locked from midnight to six in the morning.
He parked and started, “I know that I haven’t—”
I clambered out of the car and shut the door before he could say anything more.
Hurrying into my dorm, I ignored the startled front desk clerk and shot up the stairs.
CHAPTER EIGHT
I avoided everyone for another week. Or, I thought I was avoiding them. The truth was that no one probably cared. I hadn’t heard or even seen Beth in the hallways. Since the professor hadn’t given us a group project, there was no reason to interact with Cord. I caught a few glares from his friend, but after the third one, I realized they were directed at the girl in front of me. She still snickered together with her two other friends, but that was the only interaction between them and Jamie. It’d been quiet from Jesse too. I didn’t know if that was good or not. I didn’t want to contemplate that.
It was Hannah that broke the week of isolation.
My books were spread out on a table in the outside food court when her bag made the first arrival. It was sent soaring through the air until it landed on the seat across from me. My head jerked up, but before I could look around, Hannah plopped down next to her bag.
She began riffling through her bag as her blonde hair slid over her shoulder, masking her face from me. When she glanced up, the same aviators were on and she grinned at me. “Heya stranger. I heard some interesting tidbits about you this weekend.”
I stiffened.
Her lips curved up in a smirk. “Relax. It’s nothing real juicy.” She paused for a second, her mouth pursed in a thoughtful frown. “Is there something juicy? I’m intrigued…no. No, I’m not. Never mind. You’re all closed off and sheltered. I’d have to kiss your ass for you to spill. I don’t care enough to do all that work.”
Did she dismiss me?
And I wasn’t sheltered.
The strap of her top slipped, showing off her bare shoulder and a tattoo design of birds flying down her collarbone. “You can stay all elusive and shit. Fine with me.”