Neither of us said a word. There was a comfortable silence and I didn’t want to break it. Closing my eyes, I leaned back and opened the window a bit. The wind raced against my face, calming my racing heart. Being there with him and not needing to fill the silence soothed an edge inside of me.
My chest lifted again, up and down in a smooth rhythm.
When we were nearing the outskirts of town, he asked, “Are you hungry? Did you want some food?”
“I had old pizza. I’m good.”
He nodded and wheeled the car onto the interstate. We were flying away from town with no end in sight. After we had driven thirty minutes, I felt Jesse’s gaze on me. “What is it?”
He gave me a rueful grin. “Do you have an early class tomorrow?”
“Nope, those are Tuesdays and Thursdays. I have a ten o’clock class.” Which I didn’t mind skipping, it was psychology. My head couldn’t take that stuff.
He nodded and went back to the road. “Good. It might be a long night.”
I grinned to myself as I heard that. Pleasure spread through me and the steady boil went up another notch. This addiction to him was like a drug, I was intoxicated. He pumped adrenalin through me and made me feel like I was living again.
My head went down. My eyes closed.
My chest filled with searing pain.
He was making me right again. I didn’t know what would happen when this was done. Could I go back?
“What’s wrong?”
I shook my head, unable to speak. Too many damn emotions were stirring in me. “Nothing. Are we almost there?”
“Yeah.” He pointed to a small building in the middle of nowhere. “They call it ‘The Shack’, but it’s just a place they practice. Sometimes they’ll have their friends come and listen and hang out.”
“How did you meet these guys?”
Half of his mouth lifted up in a grin. “A bar. Okay. A dive bar, in the wrong area of town. Luke and I were both having a drink when some guys picked a fight. We were sitting next to each other so both of us were pulled into it. Afterwards, we shared a few more drinks. I was laying low; he was doing the same. We bonded.” As he pulled into the gravel parking lot and slid to a stop, he laughed to himself. “These guys know sports, but they don’t say anything. I can just be me.”
Getting out, I grabbed my purse, but Jesse took it from me. He opened his trunk and tossed it in, then took my hand in his. “You don’t need that in here.”
Which was code in Jesse’s world as, please don’t bring your phone. Little did he know that no one called me anymore. He’d been the only one in my history over the last week.
Loud music met us when we stepped inside, but it was dark. The only light was on the stage as a guy was singing into a microphone, bending over with it. He had a smooth tone that sounded like a caress to my ears. He was good. Jesse led me to a back table and we sat side by side. He leaned against the wall and he pulled me against him with an arm curved around my waist. We sat there and listened longer, this band was really good.
When they switched to a different song, one that I recognized, I bolted upright and twisted around. “This is Braille.” Even I knew who these guys were and I never paid attention, but this band had exploded a year ago. They’d been some of my only company the summer before I came to school. Jesse gave a small smile as he ran his thumb down the side of my cheek, then he pulled me back against him. Settling back in, his chest lifted as he took in a deep breath.
His hand fell back to mine and interlaced together.
A girl came over and nodded towards Jesse. “You here just to hang out? You want something to drink?”
“Water for me. You want something?” he asked me.
“Uh,” I was battling against being star struck. These were normal guys, just like Jesse. Jesse was a normal guy. That last thought helped calm me down. They were normal, and they didn’t know me. When I jerked my gaze from the stage to the girl, she was grinning. I wondered how often she dealt with girls like me. “Yeah. I’ll have water too.”
“You guys sure? Luke stocked the refrigerator. We have more than enough.”
“No, thanks.” Jesse’s voice sounded close to my ear and I shivered. It was caressing. His arm shifted, pulling me tighter to him. “Thanks, Bri.”
She nodded before she walked away with a sexy saunter to her hips.
I peeked to see if Jesse was watching, but his eyes were closed. His chest lifted back up in another deep breath. I sensed that he had come out here to relax, and he’d brought me along with him. That meant something. I couldn’t hide from that, but he had already told me that no one could mean to him what Ethan and I did.
As the band started another song, I blinked back tears.
Jesse was already doing this to me and it’d only been the second time I’d seen him. My parents had shattered me. I didn’t need to go to therapy to know that they killed a part of me when I read that letter. Over the summer, I had survived. That’d been my only thought, to keep going, but since coming to school, things were better. A little bit better and now, with him, they were becoming more than a little bit. But with that new hope, new terror had begun to build with it.
He’d leave. They always left. What then?
I gripped onto his hand as if he were going to go right then and there.
What would I do?
When I wasn’t with him, I was okay. I was broken, but functioning. I could do that and endure college like that. I’d be fine. And when that would stop, whatever it was…that searing pain rattled against my chest. It wanted to burst through every part of me, every cell in my body. I wasn’t letting it. I pushed it away and then stopped thinking.