“He’s painting you black and white!”
“I know, and maybe I deserve that for my poor choices. Point is, he’s not being malicious. He’s being caring, and fuck, Kate, if there’s something in life you have to treasure, it’s the love of your family. I didn’t get that, and you need it.”
“No.”
“Yes, you do.”
He was right. I hated that.
“So go,” he told me. “You have to.”
I resisted at first, but he stared me down, unwilling to take no for an answer. I didn’t cry. I was angrier than I was sad.
“You’re making a mistake,” I told him.
I glared at him and climbed back into my car. With my hands squeezing the steering wheel as tight as I could, I drove out of there, watching his form in the rear-view mirror grow smaller as I went.
He wanted me to let go.
But I wouldn’t. Never.
I reached out for weeks, called him relentlessly, and received nothing on the other end.
It was only after the third week I’d heard about him leaving town.
He didn’t return for four years.
*
“You should have moved on,” the man said, amused. “That could have been the end of you and him. You could have lived your life and this entire thing – you and me, right here and now – wouldn’t have happened.”
“I couldn’t move on,” I replied, honestly, staring at the dark figure. “My heart didn’t let me move on.”
Hearts wanted what they wanted, with or without your say.
“Do you think he loved you?” he then asked. “You emptied your heart out, and he never said it back.”
I sighed. “Marcus loved the idea of me more than he loved me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, in his head, I was unattainable perfection. He could never feel worthy of me if he stayed like that.”
The man hummed thoughtfully. “Do you think that’s why he left town?”
“I can’t be sure, but… I always wondered about it. I always wondered what was going through his head the night he took off.”
And in this cellar, with the clock winding down, I knew I’d never get the answer to that question.
“You defied your father, though, didn’t you?” he pried. “That’s why you became a teacher.”
“Yeah.”
“When did you know Marcus had returned?”
I smiled softly. “I was at the grocery store in the checkout aisle getting ready to pay, when I glanced at the magazine rack and saw the local newspaper. I remember I went still all over. My heart squeezed so painfully. I picked up the newspaper with a shaky hand and read the article beneath the picture of him shaking his hand with the city mayor. He’d donated half a million dollars to renovate New Raven’s historic building previously scheduled for demolition, and they were thanking him for keeping the history alive by helping with the funding. He saved the building, and he was a hero for a while.”
The news of that had been earth shattering to me. I felt like somebody hovering over her body, trying to grasp with a reality that didn’t seem possible. Yet it was true. Marcus had come back wealthy beyond belief, answering to nobody, all the while looking like an Adonis. He must have packed on fifty pounds of muscle.
“How long after when you saw him?”
I snapped out of my thoughts and shook my head slowly, staring hard at the man. “No more.”
I wouldn’t tell him how intimate Marcus was to me. How hard he fought for me when he returned. How different he was in every way, yet still giving me parts of his old self that I knew lurked within him.
I remembered taking my morning walk through the park outside my apartment a few days after I’d read the paper. I remembered the way the air changed when I stopped at the gardens. I knew, before even turning, that he was there. And he was, dressed in a suit, looking remarkably unrecognizable. He’d stared at me with his heart on his sleeve, mesmerized by the sight of me.
“You came back,” I whispered.
“I came back for you,” he whispered back.
I let out a faint sigh and felt my body slowly shutting down. I wouldn’t give this man anymore moments. They were mine and he couldn’t have them.
“So you’re cutting to the chase,” he stated slowly.
I forced a nod. “Yeah,” I breathed out, braver than I’d ever been before in my life. “I am.”
I thought of Marcus when the man stood.
I thought of the raw love I held for him as the man moved toward me.
I felt that love in every inch of my soul as the man darkened my world with his hands around my neck. I fought to stay alive with everything inside of me, but it was no use.
I was dying, and his face flashed before my eyes as I took my last breath. For a split second, Marcus was over me, holding me, telling me it was going to be alright.
And then the blackness did finally consume me.
Five
Marcus
She’s in the river, Mr Borden. I left her in one piece, which is more than you deserve. Consider that the next time you bring a woman close. Fuck off from our turf. These are our streets. Not yours.
His soul had shattered at the message.
He was too late.
Marcus waded into the quiet waters, vaguely hearing the sirens of the ambulance and police cars in the distance.
The figure floated, face up, a flicker of blonde hair swaying in all directions under the cloudy sky. He swam, uncaring of how cold the waters were, uncaring of anything but her. With eyes rimmed red, he frantically moved to her, his mouth trembling as he neared.
“No,” he choked out.
No. No. No. No. No. No.
It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.
His vision swam and darkened. He nearly lost consciousness from the shock as he reached out to her. Her pale skin was ice cold to the touch. He wrapped his arm around her body and pulled her to him.
“Kate?” he whispered fearfully.
He turned her face to him and his heart collapsed in his chest. Her eyes were open, but there was nothing there. He shook his head in denial and stroked her cheek.
“Wake up,” he pleaded. “Wake up. Don’t do this to me. Don’t… Don’t fucking do this to me! No, no, no.”
He let out a guttural cry, sucking in the air in his lungs as he tried to accept what had happened, what he was looking at, what he was touching.