“You deserve to keep the happiness close to you,” he tells me.
“I’m trying,” I reply. “Still scares me to pieces.”
Which is true. Giving myself to someone, giving them the power over not just my heart, but my daughter’s as well and all of it being so new, is scary. It isn’t that I don’t trust Lee, but when you have had a lot of nothing, then a lot of loss, believing that you can have something beautiful takes time.
“I imagine it does. I’ll admit, knowing what you’ve lost and honey I am sorry for your loss, but knowing that you lost your husband overseas, I was a little shocked you ended up with another man with a dangerous job. You’re going to be just—what? What did I say?”
“What’s wrong with Megan?” Stella asks and I turn my shocked eyes from Sway to hers and then I look at myself.
Pale skin, wide eyes, and a look of fear.
“What the hell?” My eyes snap to Dani.
“I never even thought about his job,” I mumble, my fear taking hold and the roots digging in. “Never once crossed my mind that he . . . good God, he wears a gun . . . and a vest! How could I never even realize how dangerous his job is? Oh my God!”
“Oh, shit,” Stella mumbles.
“Oh, no,” Sway sighs.
“You, come with me,” Dani says softly and pulls me from the chair. “You stay,” she tells Sway. “Let’s go.” Her hand grabs mine and she starts to walk me toward the room she stomped toward earlier.
I don’t resist, too shocked and too busy thinking about all the things that could happen to Lee while on duty to even process anything else.
Dani pushes me down to the couch when we walk into the break room and kneels down in front of me. My panicked eyes not focusing on a thing until she taps me on the cheek. Lightly, but with enough force that the shock of it has my eyes focusing on hers.
“I didn’t like that. You made me slap you and that’s not something I like. But I really don’t like watching you fall back to where you were a year ago. Let me tell you something, honey. Sure, Lee has a job that deals with dangerous situations, but he’s a smart man and he’s trained. He carries a gun and wears a vest because there may come a time when that’s needed, but you cannot let that ruin what you two are starting.”
I don’t speak.
“Megan. You can’t give up on him because his job is a little dangerous. It is nothing like Jack. Nothing. Jack was in a war-torn country and you know without me having to detail it that the types of danger over there are nothing that Lee will have to face.”
“I could lose him,” I tell her.
“You won’t,” she states strongly. “You need to talk to him about this.”
I nod my head, but know I most likely will not.
“Promise?”
I nod, but don’t give her the words. If I don’t give her the words then I can keep this to myself until I figure out what to do with it.
“YOU OKAY?” I ASK MEGAN for the tenth time tonight.
She looks up from where she had been watching Molly color on her children’s menu and gives me a weak smile. Not answering verbally, but telling me without a doubt that she is far from okay with just one look.
I glance at Molly, seated in between us at the half circle table before turning back to Megan. “We’re going to talk, darlin’.”
Her eyes close and she nods, but again no words.
“Leelee! Look, I made you!”
I continue to look at Megan and try not to let the worry that she’s holding something back show on my face when I look at Molly.
Molly turns her menu and when I see what she’s drawn, I pull her close and give her a hug.
“Tell me about it?” I ask her.
“Okay! That right there is you,” she says pointing to the blue stick figure. “This is Mommy,” she continues, pointing to the red one. “This is me,” her finger goes to the yellow one. “And this is going to be my baby brother or sister,” she finishes, pointing to the little green dot that I didn’t even notice before.
I fight to keep my body loose and look over at Megan. Her eyes are wet, but she’s holding it back.
“Oh yeah?” I ask Molly, not moving my eyes from Megan.
“Oh yeah,” she says in wonderment her melodious voice sparkling with awe. “Can I have a baby now?” Her eyes don’t leave mine and I have to work even harder now to push down the emotion that threatens my own chest.
“Little bird,” Megan whispers.