“Baby, he loved you,” I tell her honestly.
She shakes her head and it kills me that she really believes that.
“Megan, look at me. See me, darlin’.” I plead. I wait for her to collect herself before I continue. “You know I love Dani like she’s my sister. You and Jack are just like Dani and me. Best friends with a bond that can’t be shaken. He didn’t give up anything for you that he wasn’t okay with losing. But he was not okay with losing you. He did what he did because he loved you. Have you been living with that guilt this whole time?”
“Since the day he told me he enlisted. He did it all for me, Lee and in the end he died for it. I’ve felt that every day for the last six years. He gave me a happy life, you have to understand that, we were so blissfully happy that I didn’t mind that we had the most unconventional marriage. But I have always felt the guilt of his decision since the day when he made it. I didn’t show him. Never let him see that cloud hanging over us, but it was there and I felt the bone-crippling pain of that guilt when they told me he was killed.”
“You need to let that go, darlin’. Let go of that thought that he didn’t love you and forget it. I’m telling you, as a man cut from the same cloth, if Dani had been in your shoes, I wouldn’t have married her, baby. Not because I wouldn’t have wanted her safe, but because I don’t love her past a sibling-like bond. I would have made her safe, but not by marrying her. Your husband, baby, he loved you.”
Her eyes widen and I watch, helplessly, as her lids fill and when the first sob hits her body, I take her in my arms and hold her as she not only relives her pain, but comes to terms with the realization that she’s had it all wrong for six very long and very agonizing years.
“I didn’t love him like that, Lee.” She says a long while after the tears had dried and her body had stilled. “What kind of person does that make me, that I never loved him like that? He was my best friend and I loved him, but I was never ever in love with him. Not when he saved me, made it safe, or even after we had Molly and we fell into a real marriage. It always felt so forced when we tried to be more than just friends.”
I tighten my arms and close my eyes. I run my fingers through her hair before resting my hand against her head as it rests against my chest.
“Makes you human, Megan. You two made the best out of a shit situation. He died serving his country, baby. He died a hero. He died knowing he was a father of a beautiful girl that has her mother’s smile and the fighting spirit of the only real father she will ever know—your husband. He loved a good woman and if I had my guess, with all of that, he died happy. Darlin’, it’s time to let it go. Give it to me and let me take your pain, but you never forget that despite everything that happened before, he loved you and Molly, and he died a happy man that had the world.”
“How do you know that?” she sobs, her tears picking back up. Tears she needs to finally heal from her pain. Tears that, as they soak through my naked skin, heal because I take her pain.
“Because, there is no way he could have you and Molly in his life and not know what kind of beauty he held in his hands. Darlin’ trust me. He didn’t regret a second of it. Bet my life on it.”
“Oh, God,” she sobs. “Lee.”
My name comes out of her mouth and I know that I will never forget the sound. Her agony laced so deep into that one word that long into the night I hold her to me, tight, as she slips in and out of sleep. The tears don’t leave for long and even when she managed to drift off to sleep, those sobs never stop shaking her body.
My hold never wavers as I make true to my promise and take every single pain filled tear, every ghost of her past that comes shaking from the force of her cries, and I pull that pain deep inside and lock it tight so that it can never hurt her again.
“GOOD MORNIN,’ DARLIN’.”
I shake my head against his voice and burrow deeper into his warm skin.
“I would let you sleep the day away if I could. No place I would rather have you than right here naked in my arms, but we need to talk and I want some time to enjoy my woman, soft from sleep, before we have to get going.”
Lifting my head, I look through the blonde mess of hair that is currently more in my face than his now. His eyes look tired, but alert. The stubble from last night has darkened his jaw even more, framing that knee-melting smile to perfection.
“You need to use the restroom before we have that talk?” he asks, that smile deepening until his dimple pops.
I nod and before he unwraps his arms from my body, his head tips up from the pillow it was resting on and his lips touch mine. So soft it was just a breath of his skin before he pulled away.