“No. No, Lee. I need this,” she says and pushes her body even closer.
I keep my mouth shut and wait. I know she’s about to speak when those circles pick back up.
“I was seventeen when he managed to drag me to one of the parties the football team was famous for. He was my best friend and it hurt him that I was living a life full of nightmares. He wanted me to have fun. Get out of the house where my crackhead mom was passed out and my drunk of a father was doing his best job at drowning in a bottle. So I went, because I wanted to see what the big deal was. Why he had been begging me for so long to go with him. I figured what the hell, school was over the next week and we would finally be graduating. He would always say, ‘Megs, it’s a big world past this park.’ Or ‘Megs, you just need to live a little.’ He always saw the best in everything. He could see past the crappy trailer park we lived. Past the terrible parents, through the poor status of our financial lives, over the glooming fact that no one in either of our families had made anything of themselves. So, for him, I went and tried to see what he saw.”
My body feels like it has cement flowing through my veins. Turning me into stone as each muscle pulls tight, bracing for her words but not daring to move while she is finally giving me the rest of her.
“We had been there for a few hours before he left me to run and pee. He hadn’t left my side once. Not because he felt like he had to stay, but because that’s just the type of friends we were. He wanted to share his excitement with everything he did with me. He was the life of the party and I was not. But for those few hours I had actually had fun. I got him. When he left me, he told me not to move, but the second he mentioned the bathroom it was like the floodgates opened and I needed to go right that second. He went through the back door and straight into the woods behind the house, and I . . . and I went down the dark hall like the stupid little girl I was.”
Her hand stops and I know she’s lost in her memories.
I can see what’s coming even without the words. In my line of work this is a scene we see. Not a lot but too often to sit right. But even knowing what’s coming and being ready to hear it is two different things. I give her the only thing I can while I wait for those circles to continue against my skin. I tighten my hold and pull her as close against me as I can get.
And wait.
“Two guys I had never seen in my life got to me before I even got close to the bathroom. They were older, which wasn’t rare with those parties, for some of the college kids from the local community college to show. Twenty minutes later what little innocence I had left was gone as they took turns stripping it from me. They were smart, took me down to the basement where there was one of those soundproof rooms. Apparently the kid who lived there, his dad was some hot shot in the record business. Had his own recording studio, locked so tight it didn’t matter how hard I yelled for someone to save me. Jack found me. He missed them by seconds. I will never forget the look in his eyes as he picked me up and helped me leave the house without anyone seeing me. I know that cost him, taking care of me and not going after them. It cost him even more to keep that secret. One that no one, besides you now, him and those two men know.”
“Darlin’, please,” I beg as a feeling of helplessness so strong takes hold.
“You need to know. I wish I could keep this from you, but I don’t want to start this with my ghost pulling me down anymore.”
I nod, my chin rolling softly against her head.
She shifts and her body moves from my side until she’s draped across me completely. Her forearms rest against my chest and her tiny hands land on my face, her thumbs tracing my lips as she looks into my eyes.
“Molly isn’t Jack’s.” Her voice, so small with those three words and I hold her eyes and wait for her to finish.
Giving her what she needs. It kills me to keep quiet and let her voice her pain. Fucking guts me. She needs this and all I can do is wrap my arms around her and wait it out.
“I have no clue who her father is, Lee. No clue,” she continues.
She closes her eyes and two tears roll down her cheeks. I bring my arms around from the hold I had on her and wipe them away, causing her to open her eyes again. I search her gaze and make sure she is holding strong. She gives me a small nod.
“After I was raped, I didn’t even consider the possibility. I wasn’t stupid, but I had been too busy healing the wounds they left on my soul that it didn’t even filter through. When I found out I was pregnant, Jack took charge. He wouldn’t listen to a word I said. He enlisted the next day and a week later we were married. He knew, God he knew, if he left me there I would rot. And, Lee, I would have. He gave up everything for me. He had a full ride playing football and he was so good. He gave it all up to marry his best friend because he felt responsible for what happened to me.”