I stepped around him, craving the solitude of my car. “Don’t worry, Josh. It’s what I wanted. What I asked for.” It just feels like shit. “I’ll catch you later.”
I didn’t break down until I was behind the wheel.
Have a little faith in me. That hurt. How could he think I didn’t?
I had ultimate faith in him. That was the problem. He’d commit to me, and mean it. He’d stay by my side with unwavering loyalty…while his heart died a slow, painful death pining for his miracle.
I’d never stand by and watch that happen.
He deserved better. So did I.
The ocean breeze ruffled the spiral curls I’d worn my hair in today as I leaned against my car, staring at the pier I needed to be on in exactly ten minutes.
He said yes! I held onto that last text Avery sent me yesterday as my happy thought. Now I just needed some fairy dust, and maybe a new heart. Yeah, that might help.
“You going to be okay?” Ember asked as she leaned next to me.
“Yeah. I mean, we’re here for Jagger, right? This isn’t about me.” Or my stupid broken heart.
She looped her arm around my shoulder and rested her head against mine. “I think you’re really amazing, do you know that?”
“You’re my best friend. You’re morally obligated to say crap like that.” But it still felt good to hear.
“No, I’m not. Have you seen him yet?”
I shook my head. It had been two weeks, two days, and—I checked my watch—twenty-three hours. Eleven weeks until he would graduate. “I feel numb inside. Do you think that’s going to go away?”
“Yes,” she answered as we watched Josh carry the last of the giant boxes up onto the pier. “And I think when it does, you’ll want it back.”
“I miss everything about him.”
“He misses you. I’ve seen him, Sam. He’s the most stoic train wreck ever. Like…a statue of a train wreck? It’s really sad to watch.”
“It’s really sad to live. When you pushed Josh away, I thought you were quite possibly the stupidest girl I’ve ever known. He so obviously loved you, and you him. Am I being stupid? Should I have stayed?”
She sighed. “I don’t know. Our situations are completely different. If Josh had loved someone like that before me, and then she came back into his life?”
“I’d cut her down for you,” I promised.
Ember laughed. “I can do the same. I haven’t met this piece of perfection yet. I’m still allowed to hate her.”
Grace’s face came to mind, her open smile, easy laugh…and the way she’d looked like an extension of Grayson in his arms. “I can’t even hate her, Ember. She’s lovely, and sweet, and did nothing to deserve any of this.”
“Neither did you.” Ember lifted her head and turned to face me. “Sam, you didn’t do anything to deserve this pain. This isn’t because of what happened with Harrison. It’s not some crazy fated retribution. What you’re suffering is far beyond anything Karma could give you.”
“I’m not so sure about that,” I said quietly.
“Well, I am, so I can believe it enough for both of us until you do, too.”
Josh jogged toward us, and I pulled my shit together. “Is he here yet?”
“No. He had an errand to run or something. You going to be okay?” he asked, pulling Ember into his side. They couldn’t be in the same airspace without touching.
“Yeah, of course. We’re here for Jagger, so let’s rock this.” I shoved the pain back deep into the box I’d kept it in for the last couple of weeks. It was safe there, contained.
We made our way up to the pier and took our designated spots behind the railing. Each of us had one of the large crates to open when signaled. I studied mine, determined not to screw this up.
“It’s this lever here,” a lanky girl with enormous sunglasses said, sitting beside me. “Twist there, and pull.”
“Thanks,” I answered with a smile. There was something about the shape of the girl’s face that reminded me of someone.
“Hi, I’m Anna Mansfield…Bateman…it’s complicated.” She flashed me a closed-lip smile and thrust her hand out to be shaken.
“Oh wow!” I said, shaking her hand. “You’re Jagger’s sister, right? I’m Sam Fitzgerald. I’ve known him for a few years, since we used to live next door in Colorado. I have to admit, I’ve been so curious to meet you.”
She studied me from behind the glasses. “Well, I’m Jagger’s twin, and I’m only here as a weekend pass from rehab. I’m a big fan of drugs, but they are not such a fan of me, it turns out.” She sighed. “Sorry, it’s easier to say it than have people whisper your dirty little secrets, you know?”
I didn’t bat an eye. “I slept with my professor, found out he was married, clocked him in front of a crowd, and was expelled from my university.”
“Did it feel good to hit him?”
“Yes.”
She laughed. “I like you.”
“Likewise,” I answered.
“They’re here!” Josh stage-whispered and we all hit the deck, leaning our backs against the railing.
“Ember, Mrs. Donovan, you’re on the banner, right?”
“Joshua Walker, we’ve gone over this fifteen times. I know when to release it. Mrs. Donovan knows when to release it. I swear, you’d think you were the one proposing.” She pursed her lips at him.