Since eating lunch at the café was out and the college cafeterias were always too full of obnoxious people during that time of day, I opted to head down to the Fitz and get a few samples lined up and ready for Cy that evening. I was hoping that thought would lead my mind to think more about Cy, but I couldn’t get Benji’s defeated expression out of my head.
My mind was made up: interaction with Benji would have to be limited. We’d gotten too close, even after the Ellie ridiculousness. He was sneaky, and I was stupid. I should never have kissed him. I knew how he felt about me.
I could feel my entire face compressing into a tight, troubled frown, but both my emotions and my face unraveled when I saw Cy at his desk, already lining up samples.
“Hello, Rory. Surprised to see you here during the day.”
“I was going to say that exact same thing to you.” I walked over to his desk where he had petri dishes and small square stickers marked with consecutive numbers.
“I guess you don’t need me at all,” I teased.
“Oh, I need you. Make no mistake about that.”
I was standing a bit behind him, so I watched, hoping he would turn around and wink or smile or somehow indicate that what he said meant more.
Nothing. Fine, I’ll help. “What do you mean?”
Cy raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean, what do I mean?”
“You need me to help you with this?” I said, nodding to the desk.
“Of course.”
I nodded. “Good to know. Just wanted to be clear that you didn’t mean something else.”
Cy fidgeted a bit and then pulled off his black-rimmed glasses, placing them carefully on his desk. “I’m finished for now. I can walk you to your next class.”
“What is your fascination with walking me places?”
“It’s customary, isn’t it?”
“Not since 1920.”
Cy grinned. “Just let me walk you. You don’t have to be a…hard-ass all the time.”
“Oh! Listen to you swearing like a real college student!”
His grin broke into a broad smile. “Really?”
“No. C’mon. I’ll walk you.”
We kept a slow pace. Even though the thick cloud cover brought in another brutal cold front, neither of us seemed to notice. We talked about my classes and how out of control Dr. Zorba’s beard had become. We laughed a lot, and it was nice to just talk about nothing. We stopped at a food cart, and Cy watched in awe as I ordered a falafel.
“What?” I asked, eating and walking at the same time.
“It’s just an odd dish.”
“The falafel?”
“Yes, the croquettes in pita bread. Very strange.”
“You’ve never heard of a falafel?”
He shook his head.
“It’s a Middle Eastern dish,” I said, confused by his confusion.
“Just because it’s Middle Eastern doesn’t mean I must have heard of it. Are you familiar with all Canadian dishes because Canada is also located in North America?”
“Okay, okay, you win.”
“I what? Can you say that a bit louder?”
When we stopped in front of my class, I smirked at his teasing. “Very funny.”
“I’m finished with classes for the day,” he said, smiling. “I’ll see you tonight.”
“You’re not coming to lab?” I asked.
“I have an appointment.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to walk me to my next class? And then back to my dorm after that? I’m giving myself a haircut. You can help me with that, too,” I teased.
“I can if you wish,” he said, his voice steady.
I wasn’t expecting him to say yes. “It’s kind of ritualistic. I should probably just be alone.”
“You don’t have to be. I can be there with you.”
“I’ll see you tonight,” I said with an appreciative smile.
Cy walked backward a few steps and then turned to walk away. I stepped into lab to see Benji sitting next to my empty seat with a forced grin and sad eyes.
“You missed out. It was potato soup day at the café.”
“I had to set up some samples to save time tonight.”
He leaned down to help me plug in my laptop and then pulled out his own. “I can help you in the lab, you know.”
“No, you really can’t.”
“I just feel as if it’s taking up all of my Rory time. Kind of sucks.”
Rory time? “You kind of suck.”
Benji chuckled and shook his head, booting up his computer. “I only take that from you, just so you know.”
“And I appreciate it.”
Is what I am feeling a…good mood? Do I even remember what that feels like? Whatever it was, it was completely fine with me if it stuck around a while. But then it occurred to me that I hadn’t thought about my family all morning, and my good mood immediately dissipated. It felt like a betrayal, disrespectful to go a day without thinking about them. They deserved better from me.
For the remainder of class, I studied microbes, recorded their molecular signals, and felt sorry. Sorry that I didn’t save my parents or my best friend. Sorry that I lived and they didn’t. And I promised myself that I would never forget about them again.
Benji tried to smile at me a few times, but I ignored him. He got the hint fairly quickly, and I thought it made him feel better that I was behaving like my usual self.
After class, I packed up my things and trudged outside. The sky had been gray for two days, but now huge snowflakes were falling. I pulled at my sweater sleeves, covering my fists with the wool to try to ward off the cold.
I looked down at the bottom of the steps, and there stood Cy. An involuntary smile touched my lips.
“What are you doing here?” I said, descending the ten or so steps down to him.
“I decided to take you up on your invitation to walk you to your next class.”
Without thinking, I threw my arms around him. Cy wasn’t fazed. He pulled me more tightly against him, crossing his arms across my back and pressing his chin gently into my shoulder. I buried my face into his neck. He smelled so good. I couldn’t get enough of it. It wasn’t even cologne. It was just him. His skin was as warm and soft as it looked. He let me get as close to him as I needed, and then he let me let go of him when I needed to.
He didn’t ask me what was wrong or if I was okay. He just walked with me in silence to my next class.
When I stopped in the doorway, he finally spoke, “I’ll wait for you.”