Time doesn’t heal wounds. It simply numbs them. In the months that have passed since Axel’s disappearance, nothing has changed. I still wake each morning with a hole in my heart, a hole that can’t be filled. I walk through my day not feeling, not really seeing—just doing. Then, when night falls, I slide into my bed, and cry myself into a fitful sleep. Nothing will ever feel okay until I know he’s okay.
At least until my baby is born.
Staring down at my small, rounded tummy, I know that this baby was sent to me for a reason. I have to believe that. It’s the only thing that keeps me going. I’m just about four months pregnant. I didn’t even know I was, until my stomach started rounding. Then I realized I hadn’t had a period since before I’d been with Axel. The news hit me hard, like a hurricane. I refused to accept it for two weeks, but Colt dragged me to the hospital, and made me get a scan.
Then I saw her.
Okay, I don’t really know if it’s a her, but to me...that’s what she is.
Everything changed for me when I laid eyes on that tiny beating heart. She is the only part of Axel I have right now, and I’m not going to give up on her. It doesn’t take the pain away, though. Each day is still a mission to get through.
I live with Lady now. She’s the only person who I trust enough to take care of us. The guys visit me every day. They’ve claimed me as a part of their club, even though Axel never patched me in.
They’re my rocks.
Not a day goes by that they don’t fight. They’ve been searching for Beast for months now. Raide hasn’t stopped; he’s had his team on it, wanting closure for all of us. If he’s gotten any leads, he hasn’t let me know about it. He won’t give me false hope unless he knows something for sure. I know they all won’t stop until they find Beast, and when they do, they’ll make him wish he were never born.
I don’t blame them for that.
“Meadow? You in here?”
I lift my eyes to see Colt walking into Lady’s living room. I’m sitting, staring out the window with my hands on my belly, like I do most days. I give him what used to be a smile, and he takes a seat beside me, his gaze searching my face.
“It’s been so hard around the club lately, so we thought tonight, we’d do a cook-out. We’re just tryin’ to piece together what was broken. I want you to come.”
I shake my head. “No thank you.”
He reaches out, taking my hand. “You know I’m not going to force you, Meadow, but I need you to try for me. You have to try. You can’t live your life sitting here.”
My eyes grow hard. I can feel them. “What will you have me do, Colt? Pretend like he’s not trapped and probably being tortured? Pretend like his baby isn’t growing in my belly?”
His eyes fill with guilt. “Shit, no, of course not. I just...I’m just trying to help.”
I squeeze his hand weakly. “And you know I am grateful for it, but I’m not ready to face the club. I can’t...I can’t go there if he’s not there. Not right now. I’m barely holding it together. I’m sorry, Colt.”
“I get it,” he says, leaning back in the chair. “Every day I walk in there. Feels like my heart’s being ripped out.”
My eyes burn with unshed tears. “It doesn’t get easier,” I say, in a weak voice.
“No, it doesn’t.”
I lean into him, and he wraps an arm around me. The other hand rests on my tiny baby bump. “How’s this one going?”
Colt has been super-supportive of me since the day I found out I was pregnant. He dragged me to the doctors, got me my prenatal vitamins, and made sure I had everything I needed. Without him, I would have crumbled.
“She’s okay. I think I felt her move the other day, but I can’t be sure.”
He smiles, but his eyes are sad. “I’m glad. I have to get going, I just wanted to check in on you while I was going past. Are you okay? Do you have everything you need?”
“I do,” I say in a weak, strained voice.
He nods at me, flashes me a sorry smile, and then leaves. I’m used to it. I know I’m not easy for them to deal with. They never know what to say, or how to act around me, and I can’t blame them. This is the easier way.
For everyone.
~*~*~*~
I lift the washing basket, and walk out the front door. A light drizzle of rain has begun to fall. I walk down the front steps, holding the overly full basket, and heading out to the back washing house where there’s an indoor clothesline. My hair sticks to my face in seconds, and my entire body breaks out in a shiver.
It takes me a moment to realize that shiver is a feeling of unease. I glance around, unable to see anything through the mist.
Is someone here?
My heart begins to speed up, and I back up toward the house. That’s when I hear the sounds of boots crunching. Oh, no. Has Beast come back for me? Fear pulsates through me as I turn, and head back toward the stairs, rushing as fast as I can. When I reach the bottom step, I hear the broken, crackled voice. “Stop.”
It can’t be.
My entire body stops working, and slowly, I turn, feeling my knees already beginning to wobble. Out of the mist steps a dark figure. As he nears closer, his features become clearer. Aqua eyes are all I see before my knees give way, and I go down with the washing basket. A ragged cry leaves my throat as reality hits me hard, and for a moment, I wonder if I’m hallucinating.
It’s Axel.