She would not break down. She had to be strong, to help her best friend through the terrible day. The night would come soon enough and be even worse. And the days and nights after that.
It hadn't help when the priest at the funeral Mass encouraged the bereaved from scriptures: "Do not worry about tomorrow; today's misfortunes are enough unto themselves." No, Barbara was certain. For her and surely for Gail, the tomorrows would be worse, without Paul.
It was heartbreaking for Barbara to see her friend in black dress and coat, a black veil over her head as she held little Timmy in her arms, wrapped warmly against catching cold. But Gail had wanted him to be there to say good-bye to his father, even if he was too young to speak.
Somehow, what sustained Barbara through the funeral Mass and graveside service was to touch the brooch that she pinned over her heart on the navy blue skirt suit she wore. Before she had pinned it on that morning, she kissed a finger and touched it to the Pegasus.
Gail had been silent most of the worst day of her life. She spoke a little that night as she and Barbara sat with cups of hot tea in the living room of her coach house. Timmy slept in his crib in what had been Gail's and Paul's bedroom but now was just hers.
Gail had not been able to tell Barbara about it until then.
"He was killed testing a Bee Gee that had been modified with a stabilizer made by Armstrong Enterprises. I never could watch when he tested one of those flying coffins. I prayed every time he went up in one. He had to test it flying low, and it simply nose-dived before he could parachute out. The crash is down as an accident."
Like so many other crashes Barbara had read or heard about involving unsafe aircraft that shouldn't have been flown, but was. Because planes needed to be flown, safely if possible, to advance the progress of aviation in America and around the world. Too often, it came at a very high cost, at least to the pilots like Paul Riordan who bravely gave their lives in the pursuit of such progress. Or because for one reason or another, they needed the money. The work did pay well.
"I'm going to fly again," Gail said. "I want to be close to Paul. To him, flying was more than just exciting. He loved flying, being in the sky above the clouds. He told me he especially loved heading into a sunrise. I believe that to Paul, flying was a spiritual thing. I'm going to try to find that same thing, with Paul leading my way."