She thought of the few coins she had left—enough to pay for the trip north. She couldn’t use them. God would have to provide another way.
Eventually she fell into a troubled sleep, waking often to listen for Blue to return.
The next morning she hurried the girls over to the Mortons’, hoping and praying Blue would be at breakfast.
He wasn’t.
“I wonder what’s keeping him,” Bonnie asked and after a few minutes announced they would go ahead without him. “Perhaps he went to see Macpherson and got invited to have breakfast there.”
Clara shushed the girls’ questions, hoping they wouldn’t say anything more about Blue’s behavior. But her bones ached with disappointment and guilt. If he’d disappeared into the mountains to the west, she had no one but herself to blame.
With no assurance that Blue would be at the church, she insisted she and the girls would help do the dishes.
Once they were done, she faced a quandary.
Did she go over to the church? What would she do if he wasn’t there?
The world seemed without purpose.
Nonsense. She had a very firm purpose. Get to Fort Calgary and the position that awaited her.
She led the girls across the yard and over the short distance to the church. Frost made the grass crunchy. Snow still clung to the trees and against the north side of buildings even though it hadn’t snowed since they’d arrived. She prayed it would not until they reached Fort Calgary.
At her destination, she paused. If Blue was there, would he allow her to work with him? Or ask her to leave? She gave a soundless snort. If he did, she’d refuse.
But if he wasn’t there, what would she do?
* * *
Blue stood by the sawhorses, his gaze on the door. Would Clara come? He smiled, knowing she would if only to prove herself to him.
The door creaked open, and the girls entered with much less gusto than normal. Libby cast him a look full of curiosity. Eleanor’s expression conveyed disappointment.
Little one, you’re no more disappointed by my behavior than I am.
The pair scooped up the buckets and darted back outside.
At least they didn’t seem angry or afraid. That was something. He’d talk to them as soon as he made things right with their mother.
Clara stepped into the building and closed the door, clinging to the wall on one side.
Did she think she might want to escape quickly in order to avoid his anger or his demanding questions? He needed to make her understand she had nothing to fear.
He’d thought about what to say. Now was the time.
“Clara, I didn’t mean to question your concern for your girls. As you said, you must do what you must do.” She alone could choose to change the course of her decisions.
She nodded, her expression guarded, not allowing him to guess what was going on inside her head. “Do you forgive me for what I said?” she murmured.
He closed the distance between them. She looked up at his approach, allowing him to see the hunger in her eyes. If only he could undo the events of yesterday afternoon. He nodded. “I forgive you. We both said things we shouldn’t have.”
“Thank you.” She dipped her head.
He could only stare at the warm hat she wore. He wanted to catch her chin and tip her face toward him.
“I was afraid you’d be angry.” Slowly, her head came up again. “In fact, I wasn’t sure I should come over.”
His tension eased as her blue eyes met his. She was being cautious. He understood that and wasn’t sure how to proceed. “I’m glad you came. What persuaded you to?”
Clara’s gaze darted away and then back, filled with discomfiture. “If I say, you’ll accuse me of being needlessly stubborn.”
“Will I?” A smile began in the depths of his heart. “Were the girls the only reason?”
Her mouth twitched with a teasing grin. “Maybe not.” She grew serious. “But they must always be the most important reason.”
“I’d never suggest otherwise.”
The girls could be heard giggling outside.
“Are you opposed to me talking to them?” he asked her.
“Not in the least. In fact...” She turned away, but not before he glimpsed a look of confusion.
“In fact what, Clara?”