Blue rode on awhile longer, then turned aside and dismounted. He hunkered down on the bank overlooking the river.
What was he going to do?
He snorted. Was it only this morning he had listened to the words “He restoreth my soul” and thought it was time to start over?
How could a few words have given him so much hope but for such a short time?
His thoughts came back again and again to the same thing. He’d accused Clara of fighting the wrong battle—one to prove something to her father when she should be fighting for the girls and her own freedom.
Was he guilty of the same mistake? Fighting the wrong battle?
For two years, he’d fought for aloneness and forgetfulness.
It no longer seemed a worthwhile battle.
But what was?
He snorted again, making his horse jerk his head up.
The answer was as plain as the nose on his face. One he’d already committed to.
He’d go back to Edendale and take care of Clara and the girls.
If they wouldn’t stay at the ranch where he’d feel reasonably certain they were safe, he’d make sure they got on the stagecoach and he’d go with them.
* * *
Clara was relieved when it was time to tuck the girls into bed. They’d been full of questions about why Blue had left so suddenly. Questions she couldn’t answer satisfactorily. Finally, they gave up on that topic and turned to recounting every detail of the visit to the ranch.
“They have cats in the barn. Grady said we could see them if we stayed long enough.” Libby gave Clara an accusing look. “Why didn’t we? His mama asked us to.”
“It was very generous of her.”
Eleanor sighed deeply. “It was fun there. We slept in a real bed and had lots of other children to play with. Did you see Mr. Gardiner’s library?”
“I did.”
“Grady said there are lots of books, and anyone is allowed to borrow them. All those books.” Her voice drifted away in dreamy wonder.
“I’m grateful you girls had a good time. Now go to sleep.” She left them and retired to the table to read.
But the words blurred before her eyes. Where had Blue gone? Shortly after they’d returned to town she’d been out getting water when she heard a horse and her heart had kicked against her ribs. Was it that man who hung about? She’d spun around to locate the source of the sound. She saw Blue riding away from town. Her heart had calmed momentarily. Then twisted with regret.
Hours later, she still had not noticed him return. If he’d ridden back from the far side of the church, she might not have heard him. Without going closer to the church, she couldn’t see if the horse was back or if a lantern was lit inside of the building.
Had she offended him so much he’d left for good without so much as a goodbye?
She regretted her hasty words spoken out of a deep longing to have exactly what staying at the ranch offered.
The women had everything she wanted—recognition of their worth, a home, a family and a man to love them.
She stifled the groan that came to her lips lest the girls hear her. Savior, like a shepherd lead us, much we need Thy tend’rest care.
The words of the hymn they’d sung at church came to her, carrying with them thoughts of how she and Blue had sat with their arms pressed together, the girls contentedly on his knees. At that point, she still reveled in the memory of his kiss. She still hoped it meant something besides a desire to take care of her.
He didn’t understand how she had to prove she could manage on her own. How could he? As a man he could do what he wanted, go where he wanted and no one questioned his sanity or ability. Certainly no one would threaten to take his children.
But even a man couldn’t prevent disasters like the fire that claimed his family.
The thought accosted her. She pressed her fingers to her forehead. His concern about her safety was understandable given his loss. But they were separated by a wide rift of different needs based on different backgrounds.
Accepting she would not be able to read tonight, she turned out the lamp and crawled into her bedroll. She couldn’t guess what the morrow would bring. Whether Blue would be at the church or gone. Whether the stagecoach would come and she could head north. Or if she must linger on, unable to find work to support herself and the girls.