“Yeah.”

I could feel the past creeping up on me again like it always did. Images would flash. Scenarios would be relived. The stone would appear again, bigger than the last time, intimidating me like it always did. It would dare me to roll it up the hill. I’d consider it for a while, maybe even try to push it a few times, but every time, I’d end up quitting.

“Hey, check out that booth!” Hunter pointed in the distance, breaking me from the spell. He tugged my hand and we rushed over. “Look there’s an old milk bottle still standing up. Did you ever play these kinds of games before?”

I thought about the time I went to the carnival with Mom and Dad. I must’ve been eight at the time. Dad handed the operator a few bucks and I was given a ball to throw at a stack of milk bottles. It was silly for an eight-year-old to think she had the strength to knock those bottles down. But for some reason I thought I could do it. I thought I could win. I wound my arm back and threw the ball with as much strength as I could muster. It ended up hitting the poor operator right in the nose—a fountain of blood sprayed my overalls. That was the last time I played.

“Yeah,” I said wryly.

“Let’s play.” He touched my hand holding the small branch, sending a tingling through my arm.

“You can play. I’ll watch.”

He smiled. “Nah. I threw my stick away. This one’s yours.”

“Um . . . I don’t really feel like playing.”

He laughed. “C’mon, let’s knock the hell outta that bottle. You could win a prize.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of my lips. “And what kind of prize would that be?”

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“Anything you like. How about that beat-up looking doll over there.” He pointed to the corner of the booth. There was a dirty-blonde doll—emphasis on ‘dirty’—with a pink dress and a dimpled smile on its face as well as various dark stains.

“Eww. That’s gross.” I made a disgusted face but laughed as well.

“Okay, no doll then.” He looked around. “How about some cotton candy from that machine over there?”

I looked at the decrepit cotton candy machine stand with cobwebs inside the glass and a bird nest sitting on top of it. I chuckled. “Why don’t I just scoop up a bunch of dirt and dump it in my mouth?”

He grinned. “Alright, alright. How about the reward for knocking down the bottle is the satisfaction in itself for having done it.”

“Wow, that sounds lame. I’d even take a gold sticker over that.”

He laughed. “Just throw the stick already, Lorrie. We both know the bottle ain’t gonna knock itself over.”

Feeling in a better mood, but still kind of annoyed that Hunter was making me play this game, I wound up my arm and chucked the damn stick as hard as I could. I missed and hit the back flap of the tent, tearing a hole in it.

“Wow, you didn’t win but man that was quite a throw.”

I held my arm up and squeezed my spongy bicep through the jacket sleeve. “I hope you bought tickets to the gun show.”

Hunter smiled at me with his dark eyes then lifted both his arms up and flexed. Thick bulges peaked through the gray cotton. “I didn’t need to bring tickets. I’m a vendor.”

We both laughed before the tent housing the game booth suddenly started collapsing. I jumped into Hunter’s arms and he pulled me back until we were both out of the way.

“Holy shit!” I cried.

“I take it back,” he said, flabbergasted. “You won. Definitely won. Feeling satisfied?”

Still tight against his body, I thought about it for a moment. “You know what, that was satisfying. Really satisfying actually.”

“Good. It sure looked like it.”

We both looked into each other’s eyes. I felt like Hunter was the first person at this school besides Daniela to treat me like a real person—not a victim, object of pity, or some freak in a circus show. I hadn’t really felt much of anything recently but ever since I met Hunter, I’ve felt so many emotions. Annoyance, desire, embarrassment, anxiousness, fun—anything but numb.

A heavy silence passed between us. Being this close to him, I could feel his heart beating. Or was that my own? He was so good-looking it was painful. But I couldn’t tear my eyes away from his dark irises. He tilted his head down slowly. My breath hitched. His eyes became heavy-lidded. I tilted my chin up to meet him, closing my eyes along with him. Just before our lips made contact, I snapped to my senses, panicked, and pushed him away.

“Is there something wrong? What’s going on, Lorrie?”

Flustered, I blurted my unfiltered thoughts. “I’m not going to sleep with you. I know what guys like you are like.”

His eyes widened. “Whoa, whoa. What? Did I miss something? Where did you get the idea that we were going to sleep together?”

“You were going to kiss me.”

“Yeah so? Did you think we were going to then roll around naked on the ground, crushing styrofoam cups and getting dirty as hell?”

“No, but I’m sure you were thinking about a place. Maybe you weren’t thinking we’d do it now, but you were definitely thinking about it sometime.”

He sighed. “One, it looked like you were just as into kissing as I was. Two, kissing is a far cry from sex.”

“I was just caught off guard, that’s all. I wasn’t into it like you’re suggesting.”

“What’s going on? I don’t get you, Lorrie. Why are you freaking out over a kiss? You can’t get pregnant from a kiss ya know.”

“Hurr, hurr. Gee, thanks for the bio lesson.” I sucked in a deep breath. “Are we done with this walk yet? Can we go back?” I turned and took a step in the direction of the way we came.

“Wait,” he said. I pivoted to face him again and saw he was looking at the ground.

“Wait for what?”

He seemed to be deep in thought for a moment then he met my gaze. “You wanna go on a date?”

It was my turn to be surprised. “Whoa, whoa. Where did that come from?”

“You think I’m a player and that all I want is to have sex with you. But it isn’t like that.”

“What’s it like then?”

“I don’t know. I can’t spell it out for you.”

“You can’t or won’t?”

“Dude, Lorrie. I’m not exactly a walking pile of answers. I may be a senior but if you think I’ve figured out everything about girls or life, you’ll be pretty damn disappointed. I don’t even really know what you’re thinking, why you’re acting this way. Hell, I don’t even know what I’m doing half the time. But I do know I like being around you. I want to see you more. So I’m asking if you want to go on a date sometime.”

“I’m sorry Hunter. You’re a really sweet guy but . . . I’m going to have to say no. It’s not a good time for me, I’m really not into dating anyone right now. It’s nothing personal. Really, it isn’t.”

He studied me for a moment. I could tell he was debating whether to ask me why I wasn’t into dating at the moment and I was already preparing a deflection, but his response surprised me. “If dating doesn’t work for you, then how about being friends?”




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