"Really? You have a strange way of showing it. You treated me like I was only out for myself. And you wouldn't meet with me so we could find a solution everyone could live with."
"Well, like you said, we all screw up sometimes. I'm trying to tell you I'm sorry."
He took a step toward me. "And I'm not trying to be a hard-ass here. As far as I'm concerned, this is already the past and water under the bridge." He mirrored my stance, putting his hands into his pockets. "However, that doesn't mean that I'm convinced this isn't going to keep happening over and over again."
"This was a…special case. I saw this as an attempt by the board to control my personal life."
"Yeah, control. That's a big issue for you, man. We've talked about it before. Your need for control is based on the fact that you don't trust anyone else to do as good a job as you can." He sighed.
I opened my mouth to contradict that statement, but shut it again. He was right. And I'd been a colossal asshole, because Jordan had done a good job. He'd always done a good job. He'd been doing his job when he broached the prenup issue, and I'd blown him off, insulting him in the process. My face flushed hot with shame. I looked away to cover the uncomfortable moment, and he continued to talk.
"The outcome of this company is in the board's best interest, too. And yeah, sometimes you have an employee who can't get his shit together—like Alan—and you have to can them. But the rest of us are right there with you on the front lines, trying to make this the most awesome company it can possibly be." He shook his head, his own face flushing—I assumed with anger or frustration. Probably both. "You've gotta loosen up on the reins and let us do our job."
For lack of anything to say, I nodded. I felt like a fool standing here speechless like a chastened schoolboy, but what the hell else was I going to do? I knew this was a problem. Emilia pointed it out to me often, and I'd fooled myself into thinking I'd been listening to her all this time. Did she feel this same level of frustration with me, too? Did everyone?
"I'm saying this as your friend, not your CFO," he continued. "There are only so many hours in the day for Adam, the control freak; Adam, the visionary who's going to change the world; and Adam, the loving husband. You can’t be all of these people all of the time, so you're going to have to make some choices—hopefully good ones. Or continue to drive yourself to an early grave, not giving a shit and letting everyone who loves you pay the consequences."
I sucked in a breath, folding my arms over my chest. My lumps indeed. Jordan was dishing them without hesitation today—and without buffer. And as hard as it was to hear, I resolved to take his words to heart. Because they echoed that voice that had been talking inside my head since I got sick. They echoed what Emilia had been saying for some time now. Everyone I cared about had been singing the same tune, and now their voices were unified into a great chorus in my imagination.
And it was my choice to listen or blow them off, yet again.
I swallowed. "We all have learning curves. This one has been mine."
"Wow," he said, shaking his head with a grin. "Did Adam Drake just admit that he's still got shit to learn? If there's no flying pigs today, then I'm thinking that maybe hell froze over instead. I won't be able to check on that until I die, though."
"Smartass motherfucker," I muttered, shaking my head. "You're really making me pay for this shit, aren't you?"
"That's what friends are for." His gaze met mine and held for a few moments of awkward silence. A light bulb went off in my head. Emilia had once called me on my work addiction shit, but Jordan's words made me realize that I had no addiction to work.
I had an addiction to control. And all this time I'd been treating the by-product—long work hours and preoccupation with everything to do with the company and my business—and not the root of the problem.
If I didn't get a handle on this, it could ruin everything good I had going in my life. It would erode my professional relationships, my personal friendships. Possibly, eventually, my marriage.
I rubbed my jaw to cover for my shock at this conclusion. Jordan was watching me closely. I gestured to his chair and sank back into mine. "You've been a really good friend. And I couldn't have asked for a better CFO."
My voice sounded…off. And I desperately needed some time alone to think this shit through, but Jordan moved to his seat, sinking into it. He sat in silence, swiveling nervously on his chair. Then he cleared his throat and spoke. "I couldn't have asked for a better friend, Adam. Thank you."
We both looked at each other, a bit stunned at the emotion of the moment. Then Jordan shook himself and blinked. "Fuck, what is this, a therapy session? Am I about to grow tits?"
I shrugged. "Well, that would certainly be convenient."
He ran a hand through his hair. "Goddamn. I feel the need to use power tools while simultaneously barbecuing a side of beef and guzzling whiskey."
I laughed. "Maybe we should take Liam up on his offer to fight it out with swords and armor."
"Yeah, that's old-school macho. Why not?" We chuckled, the weird moment finally broken. Jordan leaned back, scratching the edge of his jaw, and flicked a glance at me. "So I have to ask—"
"It's handled," I interrupted. "We're hammering out the document now. She'll sign it when we're satisfied."
His brow twitched. "Glad to hear it. Hope it wasn't too stressful for her."
"It wasn't stressful at all. She completely understood."
If we had not had the previous uncomfortable conversation, I would have expected the next words out of his mouth to be I told you so. Mercifully, they weren't.
Jordan nodded. "She's a smart one. I'm glad it wasn't a problem."
"It forced us to open up to each other about a lot of important things. It's been good."
He hesitated and then nodded. "I'm not going to pretend I know everything you're going through or your circumstances."
"You will, soon enough."
He shook his head. "April and I already discussed it, and it's a non-issue for us. There will be a prenup—when the time comes."
I suppressed a smile. So my suspicion that all his anti-marriage talk was mostly for show was correct.