He was right, and he knew from experience. I only had one shot at this, and the fate of our working relationship, my grades, the documentary, and whatever was happening with Leah and me was hanging on my ability to not screw it up, because I was incapable of staying away from her.
No pressure, or anything.
…
Holy shit, I hadn’t been this nervous to lose my virginity.
I knocked four times on her glass door and slid it open when she waved me in.
“Sorry, I wanted to be comfortable,” she said dismissively from the bar, putting lemon into a glass of ice water and shrugging.
Translated: I didn’t dress up for you. I don’t care about impressing you.
No, she’d dressed down, and the result had my mouth watering. Her pajama pants were plaid, loose, and looked soft to the touch as they hung off her hips, showing a strip of smooth skin before her ribbed tank top started, hugging every lush line of her body to the bare skin of her shoulders. Her hair was up in a messy knot on the top of her head, the loose pieces ghosting the arch of her neck.
Instead of dressing up to look beautiful, she’d accidentally made herself fuckable.
It would be so easy to come up behind her, slip my fingers into the elastic of those pants, and slide them down to finally see that ass I couldn’t get out of my dreams. I’d spin her back to the bar, lift her to the counter, and settle myself between her soft thighs while I devoured her.
“Paxton?” she asked, interrupting my fantasy. “Did you want to sit down?”
“Absolutely,” I said, turning abruptly so she didn’t see my raging hard-on. Get yourself under control. What are you, fifteen?
Once we were settled, me in the armchair and Leah on the couch, she started. “Okay, so we’re dealing with the themes of love here, of how it changes you.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” I said, thumbing through my notes.
“You don’t think love changes you?” she asked.
“I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been in love,” I answered.
“Oh,” she said, blinking quickly. “Well, in my limited experience, it has the ability to change you, break you, for good or for worse, depending on the person you foolishly fall for.”
Warning bells went off in my head as we locked eyes. “You think all love is foolish?”
She blushed. “No, but maybe my choices have been in the past…or currently, I guess. But back to Gilgamesh—”
I ignored her subtle dig and went for the crack in her armor. “What about those choices is foolish?”
“We’re not talking about me.” She flipped open her laptop.
“I am.”
“Well, I need you to concentrate on Gilgamesh and his transformation from a tyrant.” She bit a pencil between her teeth.
“Sure, after you tell me what was foolish,” I dared.
The pencil fell to her lap. “Seriously? This isn’t tit for tat. I don’t need to study; I already know the thematic arcs in the book.”
Oh good, that wall she loved to hide behind was back up. Too late, Leah, I already know what’s behind it.
I put my books on the coffee table and leaned forward, resting my forearms on my knees. “Doesn’t matter what you know. Both of our trips depend on what I know.”
“You’d screw yourself to get in my head?” She crossed her arms under her breasts, pushing the creamy globes higher above the neckline of her tank top.
“I’d use every weapon in my arsenal to get in your head.” Landon was right. I was going to have to work for Leah like I did every single stunt, with a plan and a ton of balls. Half-assed got you hurt. It was all-in or watch from the sidelines.
I was all-in.
“Or maybe just my pants,” she said quietly.
My eyebrows shot to the ceiling. “Is that what you think this is? Me just trying to fuck you?”
“I—I don’t know.” If her blush deepened any more she’d match the throw pillows.
I swallowed the ball of rage that tried to climb up my throat. I had a shit reputation when it came to women, and that was all she’d seen when she’d researched me. But she should know better. I hadn’t touched another girl since we boarded. Since I met her. “If all I wanted was to get laid, I could walk downstairs to the lounge and bring at least one—if not two—girls back up with me. Problem solved.”
“And that’s supposed to make me think what?” she shot at me.
“That you’re not one of those girls!”
“Exactly!” She slammed her laptop closed, tossed her books on the floor, and stood up. “I’m not like that, and if that’s what you’re looking for, then you have the wrong woman.”
I stood, careful to keep the table between us since I was back to my urges from this afternoon, wanting to shake or kiss some sense into her. “Leah, you kissed me. Right? I didn’t put a move on you, didn’t push you for more, didn’t strip you naked on that beach.”
“Exactly,” she muttered.
“What? For being the smartest person I know, you’re making zero sense.”
She rubbed her hands over her face, and I wanted to pull her hands away, to see those gorgeous, expressive eyes that never managed to hide whatever she was feeling no matter how hard she tried. “I’m sorry,” she said.
“For what?” I asked. This girl had me spinning circles and dodging landmines.