“Yes, please leave. I think you’ve done enough damage,” Rachel snapped.
“Leah,” he begged, his blues going all soft and buttery, ignoring Rachel.
“No. You’ve had months to come to terms with what you’ve done, what you set me up for—us up for. I’ve had all of four hours. You owe me time. That’s the least you can give me.”
He searched my face, no doubt looking for a weakness. “Okay,” he finally said. “But I love you. I’m not giving you up.”
Rachel snorted. “What do you know about love, Wilder?”
“What you taught me,” he fired back before recoiling and sucking in a deep breath. “Why do you even think you’re here?”
“What? Studying abroad?” Realization dawned, her eyes growing huge and her hand covering her mouth. “You didn’t.”
“I did. Because you two deserve the chance you never got. He doesn’t know you’re here—I’m not suicidal—so it’s up to you when you tell him. If you tell him.” He looked at me, his heart in his eyes. “Firecracker?”
“Go study,” I whispered. “We have finals the day after tomorrow, and you tied our fates, remember?”
“Can you forgive me?”
“I don’t know, but if you press me for that answer right now, it’ll be no. I need some time.”
He nodded. “Okay. I can give you that. But I need you to believe that I love you. If you trust nothing else, trust that.”
“This guy I know told me once that anyone can claim they can do something. It’s what you show the world that matters, right?” I said.
“Yeah. Something like that.” He gave in. “I’ll see you in class.” As he passed Rachel, who looked ready to fly at him with claws bared, he said, “I know you’re pissed. But we’re at sea for the next five days, so you can’t exactly get off the boat anyway. Take your time and think. Don’t run. I just ask that you think of everything Leah has done for you, and for once, think of someone else, too…and if you choose to leave, please don’t take her with you. Don’t take her chance the way I stupidly took yours.”
Paxton dodged the luggage cart that arrived at the same moment, Hugo nearly jumping out of his way. As Hugo brought the cart in, Rachel pulled me into the first open bedroom—it happened to be mine.
“What happened?” she asked, her voice nearly a squeak. “I leave you alone for three months and you fall into my old life. I’m cruising Instagram last week and a Renegade video popped up that showed you, and I just about peed myself. Tell me he didn’t get to you.”
I burst into tears. “I fell for him, and all he wanted was to get to you. Oh God, Rach. I’m so fucking stupid.”
“No,” she soothed with a heavy sigh, pulling my head to her shoulder. “You have a heart bigger than this ocean, Leah. It’s not stupidity, it’s love.”
“I hate love,” I said, hiccupping.
“Yeah. It sucks, and I know more than I should about loving a Renegade,” she agreed. “Well, since I’m too damn late to save you from yourself, what do you want to do?”
“I don’t know. Is that okay? I know he’s your ex, and this must be the weirdest thing ever, but you’re my best friend.”
“Don’t do that. I don’t factor into this, not with Wilder. He’s an ass, but he’s your ass. It’s between the two of you.”
“Why can’t it be easy?” I asked.
“It never is. But I can tell you one thing. There was a reason I left him. Why I…cheated with Landon.” Her breath caught on Landon’s name, something that never happened when she talked about guys.
“What was it?” I asked, genuinely needing to know what would make someone walk away from someone as all-consuming as Paxton.
She forced a smile. “Because he never looked at me the way he did you right now.”
I shook my head. “How?”
“Like you were air and he was on the verge of suffocating. Like you were literally the only thing that could save his life or give it meaning.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah. I found that with someone else, and Wilder took it away. I can’t tell you what to do, but you deserve to know the facts.”
I loved him. I could never deny that, and maybe—just maybe—he loved me, too. But could I ever know if he really did? Or would I always wonder if he just wanted to keep Rachel close?
I wasn’t sure I’d ever know—or if I could love under those terms.
“What about you? You came all this way knowing that Landon was here?”
She gave me a tight, forced smile. “You are my best friend. You held me together when it felt like everything else was ripping me in ten thousand directions. Landon… He took enough from me; I’m not letting him take this trip, too. And this is about you. I would do anything for you. If you want to go, we’ll go. If you want to stay, we’ll stay.”
She pulled me into a hug, and I let myself sink into the familiarity of my best friend. But part of me died, too. Paxton’s plan had worked. Whether or not Rachel stayed, and Landon got his chance, was all up to me…and everything revolved around my feelings for Pax.
As far as I would go to secure Rachel’s happiness, how was I ever going to know if being with me was a price Paxton would pay for Landon’s?