“Maybe I should call Dorris.”
“No.” I pushed myself up, immediately feeling light-headed. Tucker wrapped his arm around my waist to keep me steady. “She already doesn’t like me very much.”
“She likes you, she is just . . . overprotective.” He laughed and I rolled my eyes.
“It’s good that she protects you.” I was glad he had someone looking out for him.
“Who protects you, Cass?”
“I do.” He turned me around to face him, placing his palms on either side of my face.
“Well, now I do.” He tucked my hair behind my ear. His beautiful face was wrought with concern. I nodded slowly and he pulled me closer, kissing me on the forehead. “Lie down.” He led me to the king-size bed and helped lower me down as if I might break. He slid his body in behind mine, pulling my back against his chest. His lips placed light kisses on my shoulder. “I wish I could take away all of your pain.”
“You do.” I smiled, thinking about the last time Tucker and I were in a hotel room alone together. I pushed my backside into him and he let out a laugh. “I’ve never felt the way I do with you with anyone else. No one has ever cared about what I wanted, how I felt . . .” I let my words trail off, unsure how to reveal to him that making love to him felt like the first time for me.
I focused on the lamp on the bedside table. It looked as if it had been smashed to shards on purpose and glued back together. That was how I had felt, as if my life had been shattered into a million pieces and Tucker was the glue that was holding me together when I wanted to fall apart.
He buried his face in my neck. I stared blankly at the lamp and counted the pieces of broken glass. When he pulled his body back from mine, I immediately felt empty because of the distance between us.
“I’ll be right back. I just need a minute.” He stood and turned to leave the bedroom but stopped short of the door. “Are you going to be okay without me?”
I nodded and he left quickly. I pushed up from the bed and made my way to the sink to freshen myself up. My skin was pale and I looked about as bad as I felt. I grabbed the toothpaste and squeezed some on my finger to clean my teeth and finished with a miniature bottle of mouthwash. I turned the water on cold and splashed it on my face.
“Confess your sins and be washed clean by the love of Christ.”
I stepped forward, my hand curled in my mother’s. I glanced up at her and she squeezed my fingers reassuringly. She released me and stepped back as I stared at the preacher, who towered over me.
I cupped my hands and dipped them in the icy water. He smiled down at me and I was cast aside for the next in line. I didn’t feel any different, but I hoped that whatever I had done to cause my father to leave us would now be forgiven so I could have him back with me. I just wanted to be happy again.
I heard the elevator ding and slowly left the bathroom looking for Tucker. He was holding a small bag and handing the attendant from earlier some cash. Tucker clapped his hand on the man’s shoulder and thanked him before turning and locking eyes with me, lowering his gaze as he made his way back across the room.
He made it halfway before his phone began to ring. He tossed the bag on the bed and picked up the receiver. “Hello?”
I sat down on the edge of the bed and looked over the food cart for something that wouldn’t make me sick.
Tucker turned his back to me and his tone turned quieter. “No. I’ll be right down. Thanks.” He hung up the phone.
I grabbed a handful of grapes and popped one in my mouth.
Tucker ran his hands through his hair and was squeezing his eyes closed.
“Everything all right?”
“It will be.” He pulled my head toward him and kissed me quickly on the top of the head.
“Hurry back.” I smiled weakly and popped another grape in my mouth. Tucker left the bedroom, and a few seconds later I heard the familiar ding of the elevator.
I reached into the bag that Tucker had left on the bed and pulled out a bottle of Pepto-Bismol. I unscrewed the cap and drank down a third of the bottle, praying it would not come back up.
I reached behind me for the small bag and pulled it onto my lap. I opened it and found three boxes all labeled pregnancy test. I dropped the bag on the floor in front of me, and the contents spilled out. My hand immediately shot to my mouth. I couldn’t be.
It wasn’t possible.
Even as I thought it, I knew that wasn’t true. I was never good at remembering to take the Pill, and Jackson and I almost never touched each other anymore, so it had slipped my mind.
My head was starting to spin. I slid off the edge of the bed and sank onto my knees. I picked up one of the packages and read it over through teary eyes. My stomach twisted into knots. I gathered up the boxes and headed into the bathroom. There was no point in being scared of the tests. Either I was or I wasn’t. I needed to know as soon as possible.
I tore open the first box and read over the instructions quickly. They were fairly simple. I go to the bathroom and wait a few minutes for the results. I tore open all of the boxes and lined the tests up on the counter. I grabbed one of the disposable cups from the sink and forced myself to be brave.
The minutes ticked by like hours. I paced the floor, my eyes glued to the alarm clock beside the bed. After the allotted time had passed, I raced back into the bathroom. I took a deep, cleansing breath as my eyes danced over the sticks. The first one had a plus sign, the second had two lines, and the third read pregnant.
The world began to spin around me and I gripped the edge of the sink and squeezed my eyes closed. This couldn’t be happening. How could I be pregnant? From just one night of passion with Tucker? Was that even possible? It couldn’t be true . . . it couldn’t be happening . . . I stared at the little white sticks, willing those lines to disappear, willing that plus sign to turn into a negative. But I knew it wouldn’t happen. A part of me must have known this whole time, known there was a reason for my continued clinging to Tucker. Because now a part of him was in me.
I couldn’t raise a baby by myself. And then there was Jax. . . . Oh, God! I couldn’t think straight. Tucker would be long gone in nine months and I couldn’t raise a baby in that trailer.
I staggered back into the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed, bringing my knees to my chest as I thought about the mess I had gotten myself into.
I squeezed my eyes shut and imagined my new home that I always dreamed of. I struggled to imagine Tucker by my side. I struggled to see him anywhere in my future. I forced myself to take deep breaths as I envisioned him by my side, his hand on my ever-expanding midsection. I could see him being there for me, caring for me. I could also see Jackson. See him destroying everything in my life that made me smile. I shook myself from the horrible vision.
My eyes flicked to the clock. Where was Tucker? I needed him more than ever. I got up from the bed and made my way to the elevator. I had to find him. I pushed the button for the lobby as I wrung my hands together. This elevator trip seemed to last a lifetime.
As the doors finally opened, I scanned the expansive lobby for Tucker. I spotted him from the back by the check-in desk. As I made my way toward him, I realized he wasn’t alone. He was with a young woman. They seemed to be in an intense conversation, but their voices were too quiet for me to understand. I slowed down a few steps from them when the brunette who had been chatting with him locked eyes with me. I immediately recognized her face from the magazine Dorris had left in the diner. The brunette slid her hands up his neck and pulled his face down to hers, kissing him passionately. Suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach, knocked the wind out of me.
“Tucker.” I hated the way my voice shook as I spoke. He pushed back against the girl and twisted his head around to see me. I bolted back to the elevator. I pushed the button repeatedly. I couldn’t believe how stupid I’d been to think that I was as special to Tucker as he’d become to me. Of course not. I’d needed to believe that something better was out there for me. I’d believed in a fantasy that clearly wasn’t real, had never been real.
The doors finally flew open and I hit a random floor number as Tucker raced toward me. The doors closed between us and I began my descent into my own personal hell.
The doors opened and I walked out onto the third floor on shaky legs. I needed to get away from here. I needed to run away. I staggered down the hall as the elevator opened again and Tucker raced up behind me.
“Cass! Cass! Don’t do this. I wouldn’t hurt you.” He reached my side and placed his hand on the small of my back.
“Too late,” I sobbed, and pulled away from his touch.
He stepped in front of me and wrapped his arms around me. “Please let me explain.”
“Explain? I think I know what I saw. No excuse will ever make that go away. Oh my God. Was it her voice I heard on the phone that day? Jesus, it all makes sense now. Was this all just a game to you? Am I really that stupid?” I shoved his body back from mine as hard as I could.
“No! Sweetheart, I didn’t lie to you.”
“I’m not your fucking sweetheart! You know, I thought it was impossible to hurt worse than when Jax hit me, but I was wrong. None of that compares to the pain in my heart right now. I trusted you!” The elevator door behind me reopened and I bolted for it, hitting the button repeatedly. The doors began to close as I stared back into Tucker’s tear-filled eyes. I sank to the floor of the elevator and wrapped my hands around my knees.
I hadn’t known that I could ever hurt this much. I would take whatever punishment Jax had for me any day over this feeling.
The doors opened and I pushed to my feet, staggering out into the lobby full of people oblivious of my inner turmoil. I made my way through the throngs.
“He will never love you like he loves me, Trash,” the voice of a female whispered in my ear from behind.
I froze in my tracks.
“Sweetheart!” Tucker’s voice called from behind us.
“Right here, baby,” the brown-headed bitch replied. I was tired of running from my problems, from people getting joy out of sucking the happiness out of me. It was time to fight for myself for once, figuratively and . . .
I spun around with my fist cocked back. It connected with her cheek and sent her head whipping back, brown hair flying into my face. Her hand shot up to grab her face in shock as her mouth fell open. I grabbed my fist in my other hand as pain throbbed through it.
“Security!” a man yelled from behind the reception desk.
“He was talking to me,” I spat angrily.
Tucker’s lips curved into a cocky smile as he made his way in front of me. I pushed by him back toward the elevator. He followed, not bothering to even glance at the woman I’d smacked.
He stood by my side, reaching out to hit the button for his room. “That was my ex. That was Cadence.”
“I don’t care.” I folded my arms over my chest and tried to ignore the new wave of nausea that had overtaken me.
“Judging by the way you sucker-punched her, I’d say you care a lot, and I owe you an explanation.” I didn’t respond so he went on, “Cadence went to rehab, but I wouldn’t take her back. I couldn’t. Every few months she shows up and tries to change my mind. Sometimes I fall back into her trap. Everything goes well for a few weeks before she relapses. Living this kind of lifestyle isn’t for everyone. I’m sorry . . . I’m sorry you had to see that.”
I turned to look up at his face. “Did you? Did you change your mind?”
He cupped my face with both of his hands. “Never. You are all I want, Cass. I feel like I have been waiting my whole life for you, and I will wait longer if that’s what you need, but I am not going anywhere.”
I stared into his eyes, desperately confused and overwhelmed. I needed to get off this roller coaster I’d been on since the day I’d met Tucker and land on solid ground. Could I trust him? Suddenly, another realization dawned on me. “She’s the one selling your story to the magazines.”