The worn cover suggested it had been well used. “Did she write about the Covenanters?”
“Yes.” She dashed a hand across her cheeks. “In the last few entries.”
Mrs. Sinclair seemed to expect Rachel to read it right then and there, so she turned to the passages marked with Post-it notes.
No letters or e-mails from Texas again today. Everyone’s gone on without me. Last I heard, Lola tried out for cheer and took the spot I would’ve had if I was still there. Now I’ve got nothing. It wouldn’t have happened if my parents hadn’t dragged me to this hellhole. How could they? What am I going to do?
There was a space and then some more writing.
If I get pregnant with Ethan’s child, they’ll have to let me live with the Covenanters. They won’t be able to keep us apart. And I like it out there. Everyone’s cool, so different from my bossy parents. They smoke weed and everything. Ethan and I actually got high together. Then he kissed me….
The smiley face after that last line said almost as much as the rest of it. With a grimace at the mental picture that conjured up, Rachel showed Nate, then handed the book back to Lynne. “You should take this to the police.”
“I’m on my way. I wanted you to see it so you’d believe me. It’s not safe up there. I don’t want anyone else to get hurt. But…if you do go back, will you ask the other Covenanters if anyone’s seen her? Someone must have. I’d go there myself, but Ethan won’t let me in.”
“I will,” Rachel promised. “I’ll go back and I’ll talk to everyone there and let you know what I learn. But…please don’t mention that I’m trying to help. The Covenanters won’t talk to me if they don’t trust me. And if they find out after I’m already inside, well…I could disappear, too.”
“Right. I understand. Thank you.” She turned away, hugging the journal to her chest, but didn’t make it more than a step before pivoting to face them again. “I’m afraid…I’m afraid it might be too late for Courtney. Despite the trouble we’ve had, I’m positive she would’ve come home by now if she could. Or at least told us that she’s okay. She was angry at us, but she had to know that we—that I—love her.”
The qualification raised a hint of alarm, but Nate reacted before Rachel could. “Her father doesn’t love her?”
Lowering her voice, she turned her back to her husband waiting in the car. “Richard isn’t her real father. Her real father lives in Texas. She wanted to stay with him when we moved, but he wouldn’t take her. He’s a lazy, irresponsible loser who’s never lifted a finger to support the poor kid. Richard adopted her a few years ago, so he’s her legal father, anyway. But…they’ve never really gotten along. She’s been a difficult child.” She sighed and shook her head. “They were always putting me in the position of having to choose between them.”
Rachel could tell she was beating herself up, feeling responsible. “It’s difficult to be in the middle,” she said sympathetically.
“I thought—” more tears “—I thought I should back up my husband. I didn’t want another divorce. But now I’ve lost my daughter, and he won’t agree to pay for a private investigator because he’s deep in denial. He keeps saying she’ll come home when she’s ready.”
“You don’t believe there’s a small chance that’s true?” Rachel asked.
“No. In my heart I know—” she covered her mouth as if trying to hold in the sobs “—I know she can’t come home.”
20
“I got a funny feeling when you mentioned Courtney at dinner last night,” Nate said while they ran.
“What kind of funny feeling?” Rachel asked.
“There was some sort of emotional current between the Spiritual Guides. Did you pick up on it?”
“I noticed they got awfully quiet.”
“It was as if everyone in the room knew what had happened to her but not a soul would say.”
“Is it possible they’re all in it together?”
“Anything’s possible.”
She struggled for the breath to continue speaking. She normally ran at a decent speed, but she was afraid she’d unconsciously stepped it up too far today. She wasn’t sure if she was trying to run away from Nate, or simply show him that he couldn’t leave her in the dust. “Bartholomew seems to be the…designated spokesperson. I think they’ve…been told to let him handle…all inquiries.”
“He certainly has more power than he likes it to appear.”
“What—” she drew another breath “—makes you say that?”
“Something about the way he and Ethan look at each other. The rest of the Spiritual Guides aren’t as close. Bart’s the one Ethan trusts. I suspect they make a lot of decisions together and the rest have to put up with what they decide.”
It bothered Rachel that Nate didn’t seem to be the least bit winded. Why did he have to have every advantage? “So we need to get to…some of the Guides, see…if they’ll talk.”
“Yes. I want to start with Joshua Cooley.”
“Joshua who?”
“Cooley. He was at dinner.”
“The youngish guy…with the sandy-colored hair?”
“Yes. He said something very strange to me at the celebration.”
Rachel was getting an ache in her side, but she was determined to fight through it. She wasn’t about to reveal any weakness to Nate, not now, not ever. Those days were over. “Which was…”
“He said we should get out while we can.”
The surprise of hearing that remark took her mind off her fatigue. “As in…get out of Paradise?”
“Yep.”
“But he doesn’t…seem to be there…against his will. He’s almost as revered as Ethan…. Why would he…have any complaints?”
“There are other ways to feel trapped. Maybe he’s in too deep. Maybe he wants out but he’s afraid to leave the compound or tell anyone what he knows for fear Ethan and Bart might retaliate.”
“Or maybe—” she fought for breath “—he’s just as guilty as they are and knows—” another breath “—he’ll go to prison along with them if the truth ever comes out.”