I can’t speak. I didn’t expect him to lay his cards on the table like this. I expected him to cover his hand and protect it, just like I would do. “I don’t fuck anybody more than once.”
“I know. That’s why I don’t want that. I want to make you fall in love with me.” He takes my hand in his and drags his thumb across the back of it in slow sweeps.
“You don’t want much, do you?”
He shakes his head, the corners of his mouth quirking just a little. “I want it all.”
“With me?”
He nods. “With you.”
“Can I think about it?”
He shakes his head. “No. If you think too much, you’ll run scared.”
“So what should I do?”
“Let me love you.” He shrugs. “That’s all.”
I scoff. “You don’t love me.”
He grins. “Not yet. But I want to date you.” He squeezes my hand. “Will you go on a date with me, Finny?”
I look around the restaurant. “Aren’t we doing that now?”
He smiles. “Are we?”
“Maybe,” I whisper.
The waitress arrives with our waffles, and he lets my hand go. He eats in silence, and so do I.
When we’re done, he pulls out his wallet.
“I got it,” I say. I pull a credit card from my pocket.
“I pay,” he says.
“Dude, do you know how much money I made last year?”
“I pay, Finny.”
I flounce back against the seat. “Why?”
“I don’t have much, but I earned what I do have, and I want to spend it on you. So let me, okay?” He stares hard at me. “Let me value you. Treasure you. Enjoy you. Treat you the way you should be treated. You can trust me, Finny. I won’t let you fall.”
A lump forms in my throat and I swallow hard to push past it.
“Thank you for breakfast,” is all I can say.
He signs the check and we get up. He tangles his fingers with mine again and we walk side by side down the street. “Can I feed Benji when we get home?” I ask quickly. Heat creeps up my cheeks when he grins at me.
“You don’t like babies,” he reminds me. He bumps my arm playfully with his.
“I like you. And I might like your baby. I have to spend some time with him to see.”
He nods. “Okay,” he says. “You can feed him. I need to pack, anyway.”
We walk side by side, hand in hand, and I am afraid that I’m falling way too fast. I swore I would never, ever fall, but this doesn’t feel like freefalling. This feels like soaring. Like catching the wind and letting it carry me.
“Would you really catch me if I fell?” I ask him as we step into the elevator.
He pulls me against him and his lips hover over mine. “I’d catch you, or I’d fall with you trying to keep you up.”
“Don’t set me up, okay?” I lay my forehead against his chest so he can’t see the truth in my eyes. I don’t want him to see how much I want this. How much I want him. How much I want the perfect.
“I won’t.” He tips my face up and his lips touch mine, tentative and slow at first, but then he spins us around and presses me against the wall, holding my face in his hands. His lips are suddenly hard, and his tongue slips into my mouth. He tastes like waffle syrup and heat. He’s breathless when he steps back, and I see him adjust his junk.
“You okay?” I blink down toward his discomfort.
“I’m fine.” He grins. “He’ll give up in a second.”
I laugh out loud. “I hope not.”
When the door opens I step out of the elevator and he follows, then pulls me back against his front, his arms around me, his hand on my belly. He holds me and whispers in my ear. “I think I’m in like, Finny.”
I cover his hand with mine. “Me too,” I whisper. He kisses my cheek quickly and we go inside the apartment.
He’s going to break my heart. And I’m going to let him, because for the first time ever, it might be okay to be vulnerable, at least with him.
Tag
Four days on a tour bus with a woman I have a serious crush on, and now my body aches too much to even put the moves on her.
“Sam!” I call out across the lawn where we’re setting up their stage. “Where do you want this?” I point to the speaker I’m holding.
“Up your ass would be fine,” he yells back at me. He grins, though, so I’m pretty sure he’s joking.
I set the speaker down and wait for instructions.
He walks over to me and claps me on the shoulder. “We can let the set-up crew finish the rest of this.”
“You sure? I can keep going,” I tell him. I’m lying, but still.
“Well, I can’t. I plan to fuck my wife later, and my back isn’t going to let me if we don’t quit soon.”
“Well, there’s that,” I say. My face floods with heat.
He stares at me, his eyes narrowed, and then shakes his head.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“No, it’s something. Say it.”
“What’s going on with you and Finny?” he asks.
I shrug. “Nothing. Why?” I look everywhere but at him.
“Because,” he says slowly, “she’s my family, and I want to be sure you’re in it for the right reasons.”
“And what reasons would those be?”