“Fuck,” I whisper, scrubbing my face.
My head drops against the seat.
“What?” Luke glances over at me. “You forget your wallet or something?”
He notches up the speed of the wipers to the highest setting. It does little to improve visibility. I can barely see the lines on the road myself.
I shake my head, ignoring the weird smirk he’s wearing.
“Why are we going out to get lunch again?” I ask, gesturing at the weather. “We could’ve ordered in and avoided this shit. I can’t see anything.”
“I can see.”
“Is that why you keep leaning forward?”
He glares through the windshield. “Fuck off.”
I chuckle, staring ahead as he drives us into town.
Luke insisted on running out to grab something today. Arguing some bullshit about how food always tastes better when you eat it inside the establishment.
What the fuck does that matter?
Asshole. He wouldn’t shut up about it. He also wasn’t hearing me when I said I wasn’t interested in spending any more time on the road in these conditions. We’ve been out in it all day. I was fine staying in, but he kept pressing.
Naming different restaurants with quick service and stunning views. Like he gives a shit about scenery. Pulling up menus on his phone and reading to me the in-house specials. I couldn’t take it anymore. It was like being in the toy store with Nolan, only instead of the newest Lego kit, Luke was on the verge of begging me to go out on a fucking date with him.
He paced in front of my desk until I launched out of my seat and shoved his ass outside. I’m sure if I didn’t have some muscle on him, Luke would’ve chosen that tactic himself.
It would’ve saved him a fuckload of time.
“Fucking Christ,” he mumbles, sitting up a little taller. The corner of his eye narrows.
“You can’t see shit,” I snap. “Pull over. You’re going to get us killed.”
“Anybody ever tell you you’re the worst passenger ever? How does Mia stand it?”
Mia.
Desire stirs in my blood. I shift again in the seat, tugging at my slacks.
“She doesn’t. I drive. Keeps me distracted from putting my hands on her.”
Or distracted enough. I still have use of one hand.
Luke laughs under his breath. He shoots me a quick glance. “You’re so fucking tense, man. Look at you. How close are you to yanking the wheel right now?”
My brow tightens.
Am I tense?
I’m fucking horny, and I’m anxious to find out if I’m going to be a dad again. Maybe I am being a little short with people lately. I did almost make that woman cry today when I asked her why the fuck she thought it was a good idea to try and cross a bridge with two feet of standing water on it. Then there was Richardson, that dickhead. I was ready to push his ass into traffic after interfering on my time with Mia.
Maybe I need to ease up a bit. Maybe not. All these assholes are probably getting regular, uninterrupted sex, so fuck them.
I flex and relax my fingers around the door handle, willing my restlessness to fade.
“By the way, I owe you and Tessa for agreeing to keep the boys. Anything . . . when the time comes and you need a favor, you got it.”
Luke’s shoulder jerks. “We’re happy to do it. You know we love hanging out with them. It’ll be good for us anyway.”
A nervousness changes his tone. His voice grows tighter.
I stare at his profile. “You two okay?”
Shit. Am I so absorbed in my own depravity that I’m missing the signs of my family’s unhappiness?
Luke cuts me a look. His eyes flickering wider. “What? Oh . . . no. I didn’t mean it like that. Fuck. Sorry.” He shakes his head and resumes looking forward. “We’re great. She’s great. It’s just the whole kid thing. Tessa avoids that topic like the goddamn plague. I can’t get her to talk about it.”
“You want that? Kids?”
“Fuck yeah, I want that. And I thought she wanted it.” He exhales noisily while adjusting his grip on the wheel. “Shit. I think she still does. I don’t know. It’s like she’s scared to talk about it with me. Anytime I bring it up she gets fucking weird. The other day she told me she was running to the store to pick up her birth control, and I said something about maybe not picking it up. You should’ve seen her. She pretended she was getting a phone call and ran out of the house.”
“Subtle,” I laugh. “I can see her acting like that. Think about where she’s coming from.”
His head snaps in my direction. “I am! I get it. I get that. But fucking talk to me, you know?”
Suddenly, I’m no longer the only tense person in the car.
Luke is wearing his emotions right now. I see it shadowing his face. His honesty too. He wants kids with my sister. He wants them more than maybe he’s willing to share. And he’s frustrated because she’s shutting him out and refusing to talk about it.
I can’t say I don’t understand her reaction. I know what losing Luke did to Tessa.
And she had to go through it twice.
“You want her to see you with the boys. See how relaxed you are about it,” I suggest.
He nods once. A muscle in his jaw twitches. “I just keep thinking that maybe having them around will get her talking,” he says, turning the wheel. “It’ll be like practice for us. Our family. I don’t know. Fuck it. Maybe it won’t and she’ll just stay locked in our bedroom over the next two days. If that happens, expect phone calls. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing with your kids.”