We need some time together. Fuck the past two months and this bullshit. Mia shouldn’t be worrying about anything.
I pull up my contacts and dial Tessa. It rings once.
“Your wife already called me,” she answers, confirming what I had been thinking. “I can’t believe that bitch is out of jail already. You call her back?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Yeah. I’m taking Nolan over there tomorrow. I just want to get this over with.”
“I don’t blame you. But if you ask me, she doesn’t deserve to see him. She doesn’t deserve anything besides being a fuck doll for the scariest bitch in D block.”
I almost laugh. If I wasn’t consumed by this, by Nolan’s possible reaction to seeing Angie tomorrow and Mia’s worry I’m taking on as my own, I might’ve.
“Listen, I’m not calling to talk about Angie. I need a favor.”
“What? Oh, and I have something for you. It’s not important or anything.”
Standing from the bed, I move to the doorway and peer into the hall, making sure I’m alone. “What is it?”
“It’s just something I think you’ll want to have,” she says teasingly. “A little memento. I’ll give it to you next time I see you.”
I don’t have time to play Tessa’s games. Mia could come down the hall at any second.
“Fine. Look, I need to get away with Mia. Just us. I want to do something for her. If I can get the villa a couple of days early and take extra leave, will you and Luke watch the boys and bring them down for the wedding?”
I have no idea if I’m going to be able to pull this off. Requesting last minute leave is one thing. I can beg Captain for that and promise to pull a few doubles to make up for it. Getting the villa a day or two in advance might be impossible. It’s the beginning of the summer. A lot of people are taking vacation now. The resort could be booked up, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try my hardest to make this happen. Pay anything. Any amount, I don’t give a shit. She needs this.
We fucking need this.
“You want to take my best friend on a mini romantic getaway? One she absolutely, one-hundred percent deserves?”
I smile, moving out of the doorway and grabbing the itinerary for the resort out of Mia’s nightstand. I find the phone number on the bottom of the page.
“Fuck, yeah.”
“Good. Make it happen.”
Mia
“ARE YOU A WHEAL PWINCESS?”
I smile at my first memory of Nolan as I sit on the stairs leading up to the deck, watching the boys dig around with their shovels in the sandbox Reed built them.
I’m being selfish. I know I am. Instead of seeing the positive side of this, Nolan getting two moms who will love him endlessly, I’m looking at it as a loss for me. My time with him is going to be taken from me. I’ll have to share my son with someone else, someone who has more of a right to him than I ever will. Or¸ in my worst possible scenario, I could lose Nolan completely if he wants Angie to be his only mommy again.
My throat constricts.
God, will he? Are my worries even justified? I feel like I could be overreacting, but I don’t want to be unprepared for the possibility of Nolan making that choice.
Three years ago, I met my son. This beautiful gray-eyed boy, with dimples and wild brown hair. I loved Nolan from the moment he woke me up, his sweet face so close to mine, studying me and running his finger down my nose, talking about kissing me awake in his little raspy voice. He was the cutest thing I had ever seen, with his sword and his dragon embroidered attire. He looked just like Ben. He still does. And seeing Nolan with his dad? Well, that pretty much sealed the deal for me.
Fighting my affection for Ben was impossible after that.
Nolan started calling me Mommy pretty soon after Ben and I got engaged. It was such a natural transition for him. One day I was Princess Mia, the next day I was Mommy.
Like a flip of a switch.
He didn’t make a big deal about it. He didn’t announce the idea or give anyone a heads up. He didn’t discuss it with Ben. Nolan made a decision and went for it, waking me up with a ‘Mommy, I’m hungry’, and asking me for pancakes while he jumped on the bed.
I cried for a solid hour after hearing that.
I know in my heart I was always meant to be Nolan’s mommy. He was my son before I met him. That won’t change no matter what comes of Angie wanting back in his life.
But I’m scared. I can’t help it.
I’m worried Nolan will revert back to seeing me as Ben’s and not his.
I’m worried he’ll go to Angie for things he normally comes to me for.
I’m worried he’ll want to start calling me Mia again.
God, how will I handle hearing that? The thought coils my stomach.
I wipe at my eyes, willing myself to stop making this about me. I’ll support Nolan no matter what decision he makes. And if I need to cry, he won’t see it. I will never make him feel guilty.
Only love. That is all he will ever get from me.
Chase squeals, kicking his legs out and laughing when Nolan dumps a bucket of sand on his feet. Nolan repeats the action. He loves making his brother laugh.
My two boys. They’re so close. They have been since Chase was a baby. I can’t help but wonder how this development with Angie will affect them. They’ve never spent more than a couple of hours apart.
If Nolan goes back to spending days at a time with Angie, how much will they mourn each other? Chase won’t understand it. And Nolan . . . I just can’t see him being okay with leaving his best friend like that. He adores his brother.
“Chasey, watch!” Nolan drops down to his knees in the sand and falls over, doing a belly flop on the miniature castle he just constructed. “I’m the new king! And I’m gonna build a bigger castle on these lands! With a moat!”
Chase toddles over to Nolan and collapses next to him, laughing and yelling his little, “Na Na”, trying his hardest to say his brother’s name.
“Chasey, say Nolan. Nolllan. Like this. Watch me. Nolllan.”
“Na Na.”
“Nolllannn.”
“Na.”
“Chasey! You’re killing me!”
I giggle, resting my chin on my fist, watching the two of them play and laugh together.
God, why did this have to happen now? I thought we had another year until I had to worry about Angie dividing our family.
I can’t deal with this. Nolan and Chase shouldn’t have to deal with this. She can’t just . . .
Heavy footsteps behind me draw my attention off of the boys and over my shoulder.
Ben descends the stairs, his head lifted as he looks out into the yard. The hint of a smile on his lips.
He loves seeing Nolan and Chase play together. I know he missed that a lot the past two months.
He claims the spot next to me on the step, leaning forward and resting his thick forearms on his knees, pressing the side of his body into mine.
“You were on the phone a while,” I say, my voice so quiet I barely hear it over the worrying thoughts corroding my mind. “Did she have a lot to say?”
“No.”
His brief and exceptionally vague response peaks my attention.
My eyes narrow in on the smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth as he watches the boys. “What . . . Why do you look like that?”