I’d never heard her sound so sad.
Instinctively, I reached out for her arm and pulled her to me. She lifted her feet, the crampons strapped to her boots coming out of the ice and allowing her to fall into my arms. I didn’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have my art, and it broke my heart to see that Gemma had suffered that loss, along with so much.
I held her there, aware that it was only for now, that I could only try and give her comfort, until someone in the group called out our names. Before they could think we had both fallen into an ice hole, we broke apart and hurried after them.
“Wow,” Vera says softly after I tell her about the glacier hike, having stayed silent the whole conversation. “That’s heavy shit, Josh. When was this again?”
“Yesterday,” I tell her.
“Have you talked to her about it again?”
“No, I haven’t been alone with her. After the hike, we met up with Nick the Dick and got some lunch before we came here. Amber and I spent the night in one of the cabins they have here. Reminds me of the ones we used to stay in on Salt Spring Island, you know the A-frame ones? But Gemma was with Nick in the bus, by his side the whole night.”
She makes an annoyed growl. “Ugh, that’s frustrating.”
“Right,” I say, exhaling loudly. I look over my shoulder to see Gemma packing the rest of breakfast away in the bus but she’s too far away to hear me. “I just don’t know why she’s with him, you know? And why did she invite me along with them? I mean, she’s not making any plays for me. Fuck, I can’t even read her half the time.”
Vera is silent for a moment before she says, “She’s scared.”
“Scared? Of what?”
“Losing everything, maybe. If I were in her shoes, I’d be scared to leave the person that I’m with and take a chance on the one that’s fleeting. You’re just a visitor, Josh. You’re leaving next month. I think it’s just too big of a risk for her, ya know?”
“Is that what Mateo would say?” Vera’s man friend went through pretty much the same thing. He was married when he met Vera and took a chance on her, even though she was as fleeting as it gets. Of course, that all worked out for the best for her. To Mateo, the risk, Vera, was worth it.
To Gemma, I’m not.
“Sí,” she says, putting on her Spanish accent. “And if Mateo were there I’m sure he could talk some sense into her. But, I’m just saying, try not to take it too personally. She likes you, that’s why you’re there. But she’s freaking out over what to do. If you want her, you have to prove that you’re a risk worth taking.”
“That’s kind of a dickish thing to do when her significant other is right there.”
But of course, that’s kind of what I’ve been doing anyway, whether I’m aware of it or not.
“True,” she says. “Look, I don’t know. Just keep having fun. You’re in fucking New Zealand, you should be frolicking with orcs and shit and doing stuff that gets your blood pumping.” Pause. “What about that Amber chick? Why not go for her instead?”
“She’s hot and sweet and very endearing, in this quietly kooky way,” I tell her. “But she’s not Gemma.”
“Then you’re shit out of luck, broseph,” she says with a sigh. “I’d say you need to protect yourself and your heart and all that bullshit, but you know what? I’ve never witnessed you behaving this way over a girl before. You’re falling hard. Maybe it’s about time you fell.”
“You’re sadistic.”
“I’m just trying to look on the bright side,” she says breezily.
“Yeah, for you.” I don’t want to fucking fall. I don’t want to hit the ground.
“I guess it comes down to whether the fall is worth it. You want Gemma to think you’re a risk worth taking. It has to go both ways. If you want her, you have to be willing to fall for her.”
“Stop being rational,” I tell her.
“Hey, you were the rational one for me and Mateo. If it weren’t for you egging me on and telling me to take a chance, I wouldn’t be living in Madrid with him. I wouldn’t be so fucking happy. I want you to be happy, too. Take the leap, Josh, or you’re going to regret it.”
I swallow hard, feeling uneasy. Man, is my sister striking fear straight into my heart.
After we hang up, I make my way to Mr. Orange, which is purring like a jackhammer. Gemma is driving today, Nick beside her, and I climb into the back, buckling up beside Amber.
“How is your sister?” Gemma asks, eyeing me in the mirror.
I shrug. “Good, as always.”
“Do you miss her?”
“Not when she’s being a pain in the ass,” I say, and then look out the window as we pull onto the highway and start making our way farther south toward Wanaka and Queenstown.
And especially not when she’s right.
Chapter Ten
JOSH
The movies were the last place I thought we’d end up, but when we rolled into Lake Wanaka late that morning, a storm was in the process of doing the same.
We parked Mr. Orange at a campervan park beside the lake. With the dark clouds that seemed to rush together above the lake and the churning gray-blue waves, it was a spectacular sight, the surrounding mountains shrouded and only hinting at their hidden size. Unfortunately the rain that started to pour down on us confined us to Mr. Orange and eventually gave us cabin fever. We were lucky that the weather held out for as long as it did on this trip.