I stiffen, but manage to rasp out, “It was the idea of having no control over whose hands were on my body. Touching for me related back to losing control, and I hated it. I hated not being able to stop it. I hated how it felt. The very idea of even fucking had my body coiling so tightly I couldn’t breathe. Macy was amazing for that. She taught me that sex, at least, could be more than a horrible feeling. That it could be . . . calming.”
Jess wrinkles her nose. “Calming?”
“Sex can be beautiful, Jess.”
She smiles. God, she’s fucking gorgeous. “No, Dimi. Sex is only beautiful with someone you really, really want it with. Otherwise it’s just fucking.”
“Maybe, honey,” I murmur. “But it was my medicine for a long time.”
She nods and stares down at her hands.
“But you should never do it if it isn’t what you really want.”
She snaps her head up and looks me right in the eye. “I can’t hide forever, Dimi. I want it and, more than anything, I want it with you.”
“You askin’ me to make love to you, baby?” I grin.
She flushes and shakes her head. “No, I’m asking you to fuck me.”
I raise my brows. “Fuck you?”
“Yes,” she whispers. “Fuck me. I want to feel that raw passion. I want to feel the heat that sparks inside me when I’m around you. Maybe next time you can make love to me.”
“There’ll be a next time?”
She looks at me as though I’m stupid. “Of course, Dimi.”
Well fuck.
She’s killing me . . . in the best possible way.
Jess
I’m terrified, yet everything inside me is ready, including my heart. What happened to me when I was younger was less than desirable and it scarred a huge part of me, but now has come the time when I can either let it consume me, or deal with it and move on. I don’t want to spend my life without a man. I trust Dimi, for whatever reason, and I know he wouldn’t hurt me. He’s the only person I have ever wanted this from and my decision is clear.
Dimi pulls me closer to him, pressing his hard body against mine. He shifts to the side just slightly and grips my chin, turning it so he can press his forehead against mine. We sit like that for a long, long few minutes, just breathing each other in. Then, finally, his hands start moving up my thigh. I’m in only a towel, so there’s nothing stopping him from inching farther. I take a deep, steadying breath and watch his fingers disappear under my towel.
“Dimi?” I whisper.
“Mmmm,” he murmurs, nuzzling his nose into my neck.
“I’m scared.”
He stops his hand immediately and pulls back, looking me in the eye.
“If there’s ever a second you can’t take it, or you find it’s too much, you tell me to stop. I swear to you, Jess, I will stop. I won’t ever, ever hurt you.”
I believe him, I really do.
“I trust you.”
His eyes widen and a deep warmth fills their depths. I’m guessing that’s not something he’s heard a lot in his life, and I certainly don’t think he’s ever had someone put so much in his hands. I reach up and stroke the light stubble on his cheek, before pulling him close to me and kissing him. It starts off slow and sweet, but quickly turns deep and intense.
His fingers slide up higher as the kiss turns scorching. I don’t know what I want to feel the most—his tongue dancing with mine or the way his fingers graze my naked sex. He doesn’t press in, he just delivers feather-light touches up and down my pussy, not yet taking that plunge. I groan into his mouth and push my hips forward, needing to feel him, needing to ease the throbbing ache that’s slowly intensifying between my legs.
“Dimi,” I gasp. “Please.”
He gently slips his finger into my depths, finding my aching clit. I love the feeling. Pleasure shoots up my spine and causes tingles to break out over my skin. Dimitri’s finger slides gently over my hardening nub, tweaking it until I’m squirming, needing more. He presses a hand to my chest and gently lays me down, and my towel slips off. The cool air tickles my skin, causing a gasp to escape my lips.
He’s torturing me; I know it. He moves down so he’s kneeling, and he gently plants kisses from my feet up to my thigh. My skin tingles as his mouth moves over my skin. Every now and then he slides his tongue out, creating little circles. I shiver, my nipples hard and my pussy aching as he finds my cleft. He pushes his tongue through my wet folds, and I moan and arch, before he slowly lets me go and trails kisses up my belly.
“That was mean,” I breathe.
He chuckles. “It has to be worth it. I might try that again.”
He kisses me softly, before moving back down so he’s kneeling on the bed, and he slowly spreads my legs once more. He runs a finger up and down my damp sex as he gently parts my folds. He sucks in a breath and murmurs something under his breath that sounds like “Holy fuck.” I squirm as he begins massaging my clit again.
“Dimi,” I cry out.
He swirls his fingertip around and around until I’m arching, calling his name. Then very gently and very slowly, he slides a finger into my pussy. I buck my hips, shocked by the overwhelming pleasure I’m experiencing now. Dimitri curls his finger, finding a spot that has his name stumbling off my tongue over and over. He strokes it until I’m hanging on the edge, then suddenly he stops.
“The first time you come, baby, it’s going to be around my cock.”