I know they do not know me. After all this time, none of the students at The Christian Academy even knows where I live, but it still hurts. Every now and again, someone will say something and it will bring back the reality of the vast difference between us. How much money they have and how little I have. I know it is not their intention because they are all unaware of this difference, yet it still is hurtful.
At lunch break, everybody is talking about the auditions for the backup singer for ÉLastique. Anne tells me Vincent's manager is insisting they have a female vocal for their first single to harmonize the lyrics, and apparently, he says it would give the song an edge. I do not know if that is how you get an edge to a song, but I am tempted to go for the auditions. Imagine having my voice in a song of a band's first single release-it would be so exciting. I can sing, I can play a few chords on a guitar and I can play the piano. I have even written a few silly nostalgic songs.
During the week, I discover almost every girl appears to be going for the audition and I am starting to lose my nerve, but Anne and I decide we would both go, so this encourages me.
It is uncanny how I feel as if she is my friend and I can discuss things with her, but that she is not my friend either. Some days we laugh and joke, say silly things, talk about everything from the weather to Math, and then other days she is just simply rude to me. She must have some kind of disorder.
The morning of the auditions, when I arrive with my guitar, slung over my shoulder, and I feel all the curious eyes stare at me, I wish the earth could open up under my feet, and swallow me in an instant.
Not an outdrawn, slow, painful consumption - it must be quick.
After hauling my guitar around with me all day, that afternoon I eventually stand in the queue outside the hall, feeling ridiculous. I told my mom and dad about the auditions as well, so they are both very excited and as I said, I do not enjoy disappointing them, so I stay and wait for my turn.
Anne, who went in ahead of me, comes walking out and I smile at her nervously, "How was it?"
She laughs encouragingly, "Not bad at all. Go on. I am sure you will be great. I'll wait here for you."