I point to the turtle on the nightstand. “The turtle projects constellations on the ceiling. I wanted you to see the stars.”
He pulls me into a hug, holding me as tight as he can manage against his chest. “You’re so f**king amazing.”
“It’s all because of you,” I say, feeling his heartbeat against my cheek. I see the big dipper and the small dipper . . . it really is like being outside on a blanket, staring at the night sky.
“Come here.” I lift my head and watch the stars glisten in his eyes right before he pulls my lips down to his. He grazes them before kissing each corner of my lips.
It’s a beautiful moment that can be written into my fairy tale.
The next morning I have a hard time concentrating on anything because I’m afraid of how Asher will react to seeing his mom and sister. Daniel has left, saying it isn’t a good idea for them to be in the same house, which leaves me to pick up the pieces if anything goes wrong.
Just after noon, the doorbell rings. Asher wakes, and glances at the time on his alarm clock. “Are you expecting anyone?”
I hesitate, not sure how to answer that. “Yes, but it’s a surprise. Stay here and I’ll be right back.”
“Kate, why can’t you tell me?”
“I’ll be right back.” Taking several deep breaths, I walk to the front door, leaving my hand on the knob a few seconds before actually turning it. As soon as I do, I’m greeted by two sad smiles.
“You must be Asher’s mom and sister,” I say, reaching my hand out to greet them.
“Yes, call me Anna,” the older blonde responds. “And this is Aubrey.” The younger girl looks strikingly like Asher. She’s beautiful with blonde wavy hair and the same shade of blue eyes that Asher has.
“I’m Kate. Come in,” I say, gesturing them inside.
I want to talk to them and get to know them better, but I can tell they are crawling out of their skin, just waiting to see Asher. “Follow me,” I instruct, leading them through the living room and down the hall. Again I hesitate before opening the door. This is either going to be really good or really bad.
Thankfully, Asher’s still awake when I push the door open, and the moment he sees them in the doorway, his eyes start tearing up.
“What are they doing here?” he asks looking up at me. Panic runs through me. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. I watch as the room falls completely silent. I take a glance at Anna who has black tears running down her face. This isn’t how I imagined this reunion going.
After seconds pass, Aubrey runs to him, resting her upper body on his. Asher seems upset at first, but when he looks at his sister, he melts and wraps his arms around her. Anna stays back for a little bit, but then walks toward her son with her hand over her mouth. She’s falling into pieces, and sadly I know exactly how she feels. It does hurt . . . so much.
I stay long enough to see her grab his hand in both of hers before sneaking out to give them their space. I’m glad they’re getting this moment, and from the look on Asher’s face, I think he’s happy to have it too.
I sit quietly on the couch, listening to the tick-tock of the grandfather clock. It feels like hours pass, but it’s only because I’m anxious to know what’s going on in there. I pray we’ve made the right decision.
When the bedroom door opens, I stand up and watch the girls leave Asher’s room. Anna comes toward me, wrapping her arms around me. “Thank you for letting us come. We all needed that.”
“I would do anything to help him.”
She lets go of me, resting her hands on my upper arms. “I know, and I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that. Take care of yourself, Kate, and please notify me of any changes,” she says, reaching into her purse to grab me a business card.
“Thanks, I will,” I reply, taking the card from her hand. I jot my cell phone number on a card and hand it to her.
She wraps her arms around me for one more hug before walking out the door. It hits me that this may be the last time she sees Asher alive. Just the thought of it sends a shooting pain through my chest.
As I walk into Asher’s room, I’m surprised to see his anger replaced by contentment. He looks . . . appreciative.
He pats the bed beside him. “Thank you,” he whispers as I crawl in next to him.
Chapter 24
“KATE, HE’S NOT DOING WELL. I’m sorry, but I don’t think he’s going to make it much longer. He’ll be lucky to get through the night,” Mary, Asher’s nurse, announces with thick concern in her eyes. She’s been sweet through this entire ordeal, reminding me a lot of my grandma with her constant hugging and reassuring words. There have been days I’ve wanted to cry, but somehow found the strength to hold it in, not wanting Asher to see me fall apart. But the second Mary pulls me into her arms; I can’t be that strong girl anymore. She’s not just taking care of Asher . . . she’s guarding my own sanity under lock and key.
“Isn’t there something else you can do for him?” I ask, not able to hide how much my heart is begging for more time. No amount of hugging can soothe me right now.
She reaches up, running her hand over my hair. “No, I’m afraid not. I’m sorry. At this point, it’s all about managing the pain.”
The floor falls from under me as reality begins to set in. Whether you love someone for ten thousand minutes or ten thousand days . . . no matter how much you prepare yourself for the inevitable, thinking about it will never bruise you as much as hearing the truth.
It rings over and over in my ears as if she said it loud and slow. I want her to take it all back, or tell me this has been a bad dream, but I know it’s not. I’m not going to wake up from this. I can’t hide from it. I can’t ignore it.
This is my life.
This is Asher’s life.
Asher was admitted into the hospital last week with pneumonia. His immune system is so weak that he’s been unable to fight it. It’s like I’m watching an hourglass, holding my breath and hoping that last bit of sand doesn’t slip through. It’s a race against time that I’ve wagered inside myself . . . one that I can’t win.
I need Asher.
He gives me strength and courage. He gave me my life back. But no matter what I do, I can’t seem to give him back his own. I’d take my last breath if it meant he would never have to take his.
I love him.
I know I will love him forever and always.
Anna has been staying in town since he was admitted into the hospital. From the little time we’ve spent together, I’ve enjoyed watching her relationship with Asher. It’s just hard watching the sadness in her eyes every time she comes in to see him.
I slide into bed next to him and cuddle up against his side. He’s so thin and frail. Every once in a while, I run my fingers through his hair or trace hearts on his chest to remind him that I’m close. I stare at him for hours straight, trying to memorize every feature on his face. I often hold his hand in mine and close my eyes, letting myself feel his soft warm skin.
I recall the first day he walked into the diner and caught my attention. I remember the second time he came in and left me the first napkin note. I remember the first time we talked, the first time he made me laugh, the first time we kissed.
I will never forget him.
There was one day we talked about death. I didn’t know he had cancer then, but now, looking back, it was all a foreshadowing.
We’re sitting on the edge of the dock, looking out onto the water. We aren’t fishing; today is simply about relaxing and enjoying our time together.
“It’s beautiful out here. I could spend the rest of my life waking up to this every day,” I remark, resting my head against his shoulder.
“Do you ever think about death? I mean, what do you think it’s like?” Asher asks, wrapping his arm behind my back.
It’s something I haven’t thought much about. I don’t think it’s something that anyone likes to think about.
“I don’t know. I guess I’ve always hoped it will just be another life.” I pause, trying to collect my thoughts. “I hope it’s just like waking up in another place.”
“Me too,” he replies, kissing the side of my head.
“We have a lot of time before we have to think about that, though. We’re not going anywhere. There’s too much life ahead of us.”
“Yeah,” he whispers, turning his face away from mine.
I should have seen it that day, but I was too involved in the things that were going on around me.
I’ll miss his voice. I’ll miss the peaceful feeling that looking into his eyes gives me. But most of all, I’ll miss the comfort of knowing that when the sun rises in the morning, Asher will still be lying next to me.
We tend to regret our yesterdays, live in our todays and forget about our tomorrows, but I’m trying to cherish them all. I say a prayer every night before I let myself drift to sleep nestled against Asher. I pray that there will be a tomorrow. I pray for strength; not just for me, but for Asher too. Every night, I pray for hope because I’m not ready to say goodbye. I want to wake up and see Asher walking around again with that glowing smile on his face again.
“Kate?” Asher mutters, coming out of a deep sleep. It’s good to hear his voice for the first time today. I close my eyes and take it in like it’s my favorite song. I memorize the tone, tightly holding onto the way he says my name.
“Are you okay?” I ask, touching my finger to his chin.
He wraps his arm around my back, trying his best to pull me closer with the little strength he has left. “I just wanted to make sure you were still here.”
“I’m not leaving you,” I whisper, lightly pressing my lips to his.
“Is it warm enough to look at the stars outside tonight?” he asks, breathing loudly. He’s been confused and disoriented at times when he’s awake.
“Not tonight,” I answer, resting my head back against the pillow. I trace my fingertip on his chest, making little hearts and spelling out, “I love you.”