He spends several minutes using his mouth to cover every inch of my skin, just like he promised, before nuzzling his nose into my neck. Every time he touches the spot below my ear, shivers run down my spine.
He grasps the edges of my panties between his fingers and slides them down my legs as I feel my breath quicken. Every move he makes is done out of love. He’s not just going to have sex with me. He’s not going to take anything from me that I don’t want to give him. He’s going to make love to me, sweet and slow, paying attention to every part of my body.
When his lips softly caress the inside of my thighs, I close my eyes to concentrate completely on his touch. My eyes shoot open as soon as his mouth leaves my skin, and I watch as he sits back, pulling his jeans and boxer briefs down. I ball my hands tightly into fists and swallow the lump that’s formed in the back of my throat.
I stay still as he reaches into the drawer next to the bed and pulls out a condom. When I hear the familiar sound of foil ripping, I close my eyes and take a deep breath. As I slowly open my eyes again, I’m met by his warm blues.
“Are you okay?” he whispers, leaning over to kiss my chin.
I nod, brushing a strand of hair from his forehead. “More than okay.”
I’m really going to do this. I’m going to have sex with Asher.
He may not be the first guy to be inside of me, but he will be the first guy whose body I’ve ever wanted to be connected to. This is how I imagined losing my virginity would be like.
He covers my body with his, letting me feel how much he wants this. His face hovers right above mine, and I can see his eyes illuminated by the soft moonlight. “I’ll erase everything he left inside you,” he whispers against my lips, sliding his hand between our chests, covering my rapidly beating heart.
When his hand moves down my stomach and stops between my legs, I take a deep breath. “Relax,” he says, brushing his lips against mine, “I’m going to take care of you.” He slowly slips one finger inside of me then two and my whole body tenses up again, but after a few gentle motions, I begin to relax.
Everything he is doing to me feels so right.
A tear rolls down the side of my face as he removes his finger and slowly guides himself into my body. He fills me a little bit at a time, letting me adjust to him. I take several deep breaths and turn my head to the side, trying to concentrate on anything but the old memories that I’m trying to leave behind.
“Keep your eyes on me,” he says, using his index finger to turn my face back toward him. He moves slowly, never taking more control than I’m willing to give him. It’s a dance of give and take; pleasure and healing.
“Are you okay?” he asks, stopping to cradle my head in his hands.
One look up at his concerned eyes and the question becomes easy to answer. “Yes,” I whisper, pulling his face down to mine. I need him to relax and feel this moment with me. This is the most emotionally packed experience that I’ve ever been through; one blissful experience replacing a haunting memory.
He remains still, never taking his eyes off of me. He slowly starts to move again as his lips brush against mine. There’s a little discomfort from the newness of him and my inexperience, but after several slow, soothing movements it eases, allowing me to completely focus on him. I try to read his gorgeous expression, letting the thoughts take away the control that the old, painful memories want to gain.
His body never leaves its place on top of mine. He keeps his pace controlled and barely blinks as his eyes bore into my soul. He looks at me like he wants and needs me, like no matter what I do or what’s been done to me; he’ll be here for me. He looks at me like he’ll never get enough.
His hand reaches between our connected bodies again. “I want you to feel this, Kate. I want to feel you feeling it,” he growls, gently stroking my sensitive, aroused flesh. What he’s doing to me feels so good. It’s chasing the tension from my body. I’m walking closer and closer to the edge of a cliff that I actually want to jump off of . . . and the next time he pushes himself into me, I do. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I feel weightless as my body clenches around his.
Asher quickens his pace and his own breathing picks up. Just as I’m recovering from my fall, his body tenses above mine as I watch his lips part. “Kate.” His breathing is labored when he slides down next to my body, cradling my head in his hands and laying his head between my breasts.
I’m relishing in the moment, running my fingertips up and down his back. If all things could be like this, there would never be anything to forget. I never want to be without Asher. I feel like he was sent here to awaken my soul, but he chose not to stop there.
He awakened everything.
His head lifts to place a firm, lingering kiss on my lips. When he pulls back, he rolls his lower lip between his teeth and all I can think about is kissing him again. I wrap my hands behind his neck and bring his mouth back down to mine. “Your kisses are amazing,” I whisper, smiling up at him.
“No, this whole night has been amazing,” he says. “More than amazing actually.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“I’m the one that should be thanking you. You are so f**king beautiful.”
“Your body isn’t half bad either,” I respond, kissing him one more time.
“Will you stay with me tonight?” he asks, rubbing the pad of his thumb against my forehead.
“I’d stay with you every night if you asked me to.” He rolls onto his back and cradles me against his chest.
I could definitely fall asleep like this every night.
Chapter 18
WAKING UP WRAPPED IN ASHER’S arms is like waking up on a cloud where nothing can hurt me. I slept better than I have in over two years. There was no lying in bed and over-thinking anything. No nightmares. It was just the two of us.
The whole night has been like a dream to me, and I’m hesitant to open my eyes; I can still feel the steady rhythm of Asher’s chest rising and falling under my cheek. I reach down and entwine his fingers with mine, causing his arms to grip me a little tighter. Life should always be made of mornings like this.
“Hey, what are you doing up so early?” he asks in his rough, deep morning voice.
“It’s almost noon,” I reply, pressing a light kiss to his chest.
“Don’t you have to work today?”
“Well, if I did, I would be in some trouble now, wouldn’t I?” I tease, resting my chin against his chest.
“Yeah, you would. And Kate isn’t one to get herself in trouble, now is she?”
The room goes quiet as I focus on the light stubble that’s starting to show on his chin. I’ve gotten myself into trouble before . . . more than enough trouble. The worst kind of trouble.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
“I know. I just hate that my mind wants to go there all the time,” I say, trying to get my mouth to turn up in the corners. Asher would never intentionally hurt me. Not physically. Not emotionally. I seek peace in that every single day.
“Hey, focus on me. Not all of that,” he whispers, cradling my face in his left hand.
“I’m trying,” I say, leaning into his touch.
“Maybe I can help you with that,” he says, flipping me onto my back. Our bodies are still n**ed from last night’s activities, and when he rests his h*ps on mine, desire runs through my veins from the contact. I’ve had a taste of what being with Asher is like, and now I’m addicted. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of him and the way his skin feels against mine.
First, he makes love to me slowly with his hands, running them from ankle to thigh. His fingertips trail my skin, paying special attention to the sensitive area between my legs, not halting until they’ve lapped circles around my belly button. When his lips touch the base of my neck, I wrap my arms around his shoulders and pull his chest against mine. I don’t think he realizes that I’m the lucky one in this situation. I’m the one who was saved by a man who blew into my life like a storm.
He starts to roll off me, but I grab his arm, halting him in place. “Where are you going?”
“I need to grab something out of the drawer,” he smiles, running his thumb over my cheekbone.
“I’m on the pill,” I blurt, keeping hold of his arm.
The smile falls from his face but his eyes never leave mine. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.”
I ease my grip on his arm, and he rests his hands on my h*ps as he slowly eases into me. This time I focus on the feel of him, the way he fills me so completely. When he kisses down my jawline, I take the opportunity to shut my eyes and let the sensations take over. It’s the most incredible feeling in the world, and, this time my body works toward the edge of that cliff all on its own. My back arches as my body clenches around him.
“Open your eyes. I need to see your eyes,” he says, trailing his fingers between my breasts. When I open them, I see the shaded blue in his eyes staring down at me.
“Asher . . .”
“Kate,” he groans, thrusting into me a little bit harder.
“I love you,” I breathe as he lets himself go inside of me. His body convulses over and over before going completely still. I wonder if I’ve said it too soon but in the moment, being lost in him, that’s exactly what I feel. I’ve felt it for a long time but held it all in, too scared to say it out loud.
“Kate,” he says, opening and closing his mouth a couple times, trying to catch his breath.
I shake my head, nervously looking at the ceiling. “You don’t have to say anything. I just needed you to know.”
“You have a very large piece of my heart. I’ve never felt this way about anyone, so I don’t want you to think that I don’t care about you just because I can’t say it right now.” His fingers stroke my cheeks and I instinctively close my eyes. Asher isn’t the first guy I’ve loved, but I know how confusing those feelings can be. When you open your heart to love, you’re also exposing it to pain. Pain from love is the worst kind of agony. I felt it when I broke Beau’s heart, and I hope I never have to go down that road again.