I open my mouth, trying to push for the words I want to say, but I can’t. I don’t know what to say to that. But right now he’s looking at me like I’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him.
I think it can only get better from here.
Taking a deep breath, I nod against the finger that still rests under my chin. He looks at me with such intense fervor; almost like I’m the only woman on the planet. As his face moves toward mine, I close my eyes, ready to relish in everything he can give me. He surprises me by softly kissing my eyelids, then moving his lips down to my cheek. His tongue licks the edges of my lips, lingering for a while, playing and nibbling. As his hands move down my back, his tongue presses against the seam of my lips, begging to connect with mine.
I slowly open my eyes and see his looking right at me. It’s completely different to kiss with my eyes open than it is to kiss in darkness. When I look at him, I feel like I can see right through him. I’m not thinking about myself for once; I’m only wondering what’s going through his mind.
I close my eyes again and let myself feel the warmth he brings to my body as he tangles his tongue with mine. It’s the longest kiss I’ve ever shared with anyone, and I may never be ready for it to end.
He cradles my face in his hands and slows before pulling his lips away from mine. I stare up at him curiously.
“What are you doing right now?” he asks, rubbing his thumbs across my cheekbones.
“I was going to go for a run.”
He tilts his head to the side. “I think that can wait until later. Besides, you’re too thin as it is.”
“I thought guys liked that,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest. I know I could stand to gain a few pounds, but no one else is complaining.
“Well, not this guy.”
I open my mouth to say something, but he leans in to kiss me instead. “Hang out with me,” he whispers against my lips.
“Do you want to come inside and watch a movie?” I ask, pulling back just enough to look him in the eye.
He smiles. “There’s nothing I’d rather do.”
“What are we doing standing out here then? Let’s go inside, and pick out a movie.” I walk past him toward the house, glancing back to make sure he’s following behind.
As soon as we enter the house, I motion him toward the couch and walk to my bedroom to change my clothes. “Make yourself at home. I’ll be right back.”
I throw on a pair of dark blue skinny jeans and a grey thermal, taking a couple extra minutes to comb my fingers through my hair and put on a little mascara. I’m not one of those girls who spend hours on her appearance, but Asher doesn’t seem to mind.
I leave my room and see him sitting on the couch staring at the blank television screen. When I’m close enough to touch, he reaches for my hand and pulls me down next to him. Once I’m cuddled next to him, he grabs my hand in his and brings it to his lips. “I talked to my sister yesterday.”
I look up, noticing how tense he seems. “How did it go?”
“She cried. It made me feel like complete shit,” he tells me.
“I don’t understand why you can’t just go visit her. It would be better for both of you.”
He looks down at me for a split second before focusing his attention back to the screen. “I wish it was that easy.”
“Why does it have to be so hard?” I ask. He always sounds so sad when he talks about her, and I can’t help but wonder what might be going on in his family.
“Maybe I will soon,” he says, ignoring my question.
“If you want me to come with you, I can,” I offer, pushing some of the stray hair off his forehead.
He reaches for my hand, entwining our fingers together. “It’s something I probably need to do by myself.”
“Asher, you know if you ever want or need to talk about anything, I’m here,” I whisper, focusing on the sadness evident in his crystal blue eyes.
“I know,” he says, running the back of his finger across my cheek. “But there are some things you just can’t change no matter how much you talk about them.”
I swear this guy has read all of my theories on life. That or we’re two people with similar souls who just happened to be in the same place at the same time.
“I know exactly what you mean.” His face lifts like I’ve taken a huge weight off of him. He was probably expecting me to push him more, but I can’t do that to him when I know it doesn’t help me.
“Do you want something to drink?”
“I’ll take a glass of water.”
“Are you sure you don’t want a beer?” I ask, trying to hold back a smile.
He raises his eyebrows, shaking his head. “No, I think I’ve had enough alcohol for a while.”
“I’ve never been drunk,” I shrug.
“Seriously?” he asks, raising his eyebrows even further.
“Yeah, when you’re drunk, you don’t have control over what you do, or what others may try to do. I like to have control.”
“I get what you’re saying, but no one ever has complete control over those things, even when they’re sober,” he says. There’s a hint of sadness in his voice as his eyes focus on the blank TV screen. It’s the second time tonight that he’s said something that makes me think about how I’ve been living my life for the last two years. The past is always so much clearer than the future.
“Why don’t you pick out a movie from the cabinet, and I’ll grab the drinks.”
I rest my palms on the counter and take a few calming breaths before opening the fridge. My heart is falling so fast that I don’t think the rest of me has had time to catch up yet.
When I walk back into the living room, Asher is kneeling in front of the DVD player pressing his thumb to the eject button. “What did you pick?” I ask, setting the glasses on the coffee table.
“I can’t get this stupid thing to open. We either have to watch what’s in here, or do something else,” he says, turning to face me.
“What’s in there now?” I ask.
“Steel Magnolias,” he replies, crinkling his nose. My mom loves that movie; I swear she watches it at least once a week.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I say, biting my thumbnail. I was really looking forward to watching something funny.
I consider the options. I have a small TV and DVD player in my room that I bought when I first got my job, but I don’t know if I’m ready to be in my room alone with Asher.
I look down at Asher who’s waiting for me to make a decision. I open my mouth to ask him if he wants to watch it in my room, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Just thinking about it puts a heavy weight on my chest. He’s going to know something’s wrong with me. He’s going to end up leaving because I can’t even enjoy some of the simple things in life.
Strong arms surround me, pulling me close to his familiar scent. “Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, rubbing small circles on my back.
I bury my face in his t-shirt, gripping the bottom of it in my fists. “Everything,” I say honestly.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shake my head against his chest. The pressure of his arms eases the overwhelming pressure in my chest.
“You don’t have to stay with me,” I mutter, after a few moments of silence.
“Hey, look at me,” he says, using my elbows to pull me away from him. I fix my eyes on the ground, staring at the tips of my black flats. His finger rests under my chin pulling my eyes up to his. “Keep those bright green eyes on me and listen to what I’m about to say,” he demands, taking a step in my direction. If I’m breathing right now, I can’t tell, but he certainly has my full attention.
“I’m not going to be the guy who’s going to leave when things get tough. You’ve been through some shit, I can see it all over your face, but I want to try to make it better, Kate. You deserve to be happy.”
I definitely feel my heart beating now; so fast I can feel it in my neck. He didn’t blink once during his mini speech, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t either. He’s like a tow truck pulling me out of my wreckage.
“I don’t think you can make everything better,” I admit, honestly.
He cups my face in his hands and moves so that his face is only a few inches from mine. “I’m going to try.” His lips brush across mine so quickly that I think I’ve only imagined it.
“I’m actually pretty tired. Do you mind if we call it a day and try the movie thing some other time?”
He nods, removing his hands from my face. “I’m picking you up at three o’clock tomorrow. We’re going fishing.”
“Okay,” I whisper. I remember the last time we went and how he almost kissed me. Things have certainly changed since then.
“Are you sure you’re okay here alone?” His eyes are searching mine for something hidden in their depths.
“I’ll be fine.” I’ve been pretending to be for a long time; that’s probably not going to change now.
He nods and then leans in to kiss my cheek. His hands travel down my arm as he walks away, until only our fingertips touch. He looks back one more time before breaking the connection.
I miss him the second the door closes.
Chapter 13
“HEY, HONEY, WHERE ARE YOU off to today?” my mom asks, pulling a coffee cup from the cupboard. She gets one night off a week from Pete’s, and today is her lucky day.
“Asher’s coming to get me soon. We’re going fishing,” I reply, pulling my hair up into a loose knot at the top of my head.
“Are you being careful?”
“You don’t have anything to worry about when I’m with him. He’s a nice guy,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest.
Her eyes snap to mine. “So is Beau.”
Her words are like a slap in the face. Beau is one of the nicest people I’ve ever known, but it’s easier for me to let Asher in. Asher tries to understand me layer by layer while Beau goes straight for the center. Plus, Asher seems to have his own secrets, which helps me not feel so guilty about mine.