My head prickles, and my blood starts to run cold.
I feel the air in the room shift instantly. That fucking crap feeling I’ve had since this morning starts to turn my thoughts to shit.
“When?…Are they?…She’s…oh God, no…no.” Stuart’s voice comes out a whisper. He turns and locks eyes with me.
And I know. I just know.
Fuck, no.
“We’re coming now.” I watch the phone slide from Stuart’s ear in slow motion.
“Stuart, what’s wrong?” Denny comes from around his drum kit.
Stuart casts a glance to Denny, then comes straight back to me.
Stop looking at me.
“That was Josh.” His lip trembles. “He was just about to leave the hospital, when…” His voice breaks, and he clears his throat, then continues. “Three people were brought into the ER. A car accident. It’s Simone, Dave, and…Tru.”
Tru. Car. Accident.
No. God, no.
Denny clasps his hand over his mouth. “Simone, is she…?” Denny sounds afraid.
I’m afraid. Terrified.
I can’t breathe. My heart hurts against my ribs. Hurts real bad.
Tom and Smith have drawn closer to Stuart.
He looks at Denny again. “Josh said Simone is roughed up, but she’ll be okay. Dave too, but…” He brings his eyes back to mine. “Jake…” He steps toward me.
“No.” I step back and bump into the guitar.
I don’t want to hear this. I don’t want to know.
I shake my head. I try to move away again, to get away from Stuart, but there’s nowhere left for me to go.
“I’m so sorry.” I watch, numb, as he wipes a tear from his face. “The other car hit the passenger side. Tru took full impact. Josh said she’s in surgery now. We have to get to the hospital.”
I close my eyes.
“The baby?” The words fall from my mouth. I don’t feel like it’s me talking.
“I don’t know. I’m sorry. We need to go. Josh is waiting in the ER for us. He’ll take us to them.”
The room is closing in on me. There’s no air.
I feel like I’m underwater.
Drowning. I’m drowning.
I had her this morning, in my arms. I should have kept her there, held her tight, and never let her go.
I can’t lose her. I can’t.
Fuck, this hurts. So much. Too much.
“Jake…,” Stuart says.
I lift my head. “I can’t lose her.” I can’t breathe. I’m gasping for air. “Not her. Anyone but her.”
My eyes meet his.
“I know.” Another tear falls from his eye. He wipes it away.
Tears keep leaving his eyes.
I want to cry. I want to shout. Something. Anything to get this excruciating pain out of my chest. But nothing’s happening.
“Come on, let’s get to the hospital. We’ll know more once we’re there.” Stuart urges me to move, and that’s when my legs give out on me.
He grabs me, wrapping an arm around my back. “I got you,” his voice cracks. “I got you, Jake. It’s gonna be okay. They’ll both be fine.”
Fine. They’ll both be fine.
I’m in a car. My car, I think. Stuart’s driving.
Car.
Accident.
Tru.
I can’t breathe.
The pain in my chest is unbearable.
I don’t know what to do.
I should be doing something. I’m supposed to protect her, protect them both.
“I wasn’t there. I should have been there,” I choke out. I know it’s me speaking, but it doesn’t sound like my voice.
“It’s gonna be okay, man.” Tom’s hands come over the backseat, pressing down on my shoulders.
I feel like he’s holding me in place. Like he thinks I’m going to lose control any moment now.
I want to lose control. But I can’t seem to get this maddening, sickening feeling out of my chest. It’s trapped in there, burning every part of me.
“Tru’s gonna be fine,” Tom continues. “She’s a fighter. She’ll get through this.”
“And what about the baby…my baby?” I choke on the words.
Tom’s silence weighs heavy.
“They’re gonna be fine, Jake.” He squeezes my shoulder.
There it is again. That word—fine.
But that isn’t what I want to hear. I don’t want to hear any of this. I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to be hearing fine.
I want to be home with Tru, holding her beautiful body in my arms. I want to feel her skin on mine. Her breath mixing with mine as she kisses me in that gentle way she does.
I want to hear her laugh. I want to see her smile.
I want to feel my baby kick.
I want…them.
I close my eyes again.
I’m in the hospital. I can hear Stuart talking. There are people everywhere.
And white. White walls. White coats.
Where’s Tru?
“Jake…”
I turn. It’s Josh. He looks sorry. Sympathetic.
I don’t want sympathy. I want Tru.
“Jake…,” he repeats. “I’m so very sorry…” I hear the break in his voice.
Stuart puts his hand on Josh’s arm. I see Josh’s eyes go to it.
He looks back at me, and then he sounds very businesslike. Like a doctor delivering bad news. “Tru’s in surgery. All they’re telling me right now is that she suffered a severe head injury as a result of the accident. Dr. Kimble, one of the surgeons, will be out to see you soon. If you’ll follow me this way…”
Severe. Head. Injury.
I’m moving. In an elevator. Upward.
The doors open with a ping. Then it’s like I wake up. I realise where I am. Why I’m here.
Tru. Car. Accident.
Fuck, no.
No. No. No. No. No. No.