Madeline waited patiently while the seamstress conducted the final fitting for Lori's Cinderella-style wedding gown. Standing on the
platform of the bridal boutique in front of a three-way mirror, Lori
adjusted the oversized, puffy sleeves as the seamstress diligently examined
the heavily laced hem of the white silk shantung creation. And while
Maddy affixed an expression of pure, unadulterated interest on her face,
her thoughts drifted back to another emotionally charged phone call, one
that had differed dramatically from the others in terms of duration and
gravity.
Over the course of the last several months, she'd grown accustomed
to-if not exactly comfortable with-Kenny's regular communication,
though unlike his original contact that summer night in Ocean City, she'd
kept these subsequent conversations a deeply held secret. Soliciting her
well-meaning father and Daphne for advice had only created more
confusion than clarity in the long-run, notwithstanding Ken's weddingdate
letdown.
After that, Maddy had wrongly assumed the end of all ties with the
man who had once made her heart beat incredibly fast merely by offering
her an adoring gaze, a genuine smile or a sincere word of affection. That
is, until he proved her wrong by simply dialing her number. Somehow,
she'd managed to stay calm and civil throughout the duration of these
calls, in spite of her festering inner anger.
But their most recent contact-which in the end, exceeded two
hours-nearly came to a screeching halt before it ever got started, thanks
to Maddy's initial reaction, borne out of sheer skepticism and exhaustion.
"Maddy, it's Kenny. God I miss you so much!" His voice betrayed an
overwhelming loneliness, at first undetected by the recipient's emotional
weariness.
"You know what, Kenny? I've about had it with these phone calls!
You're the one who moved away; please stop insulting me with talk of how
much you miss me! I'm hanging up now!"
"No, please Madeline-don't! Please talk to me for a while!" Ken
began to sob, prompting her natural compassion to compel her to remain
on the line.
"Kenny, what's the matter?" Her tone softened dramatically.
"I miss you, Madeline. I love you so much and I can't stand being
away from you. Is there any chance that you'll consider moving here? I'm
telling you, there is so much going on in South Florida-I know you could
find meaningful work. And with ballroom dancing being so popular here,
Maddy, you could stay busy and make money just by teaching classes. I
know you want to write, and you will. But in the meantime, you can make
a living with your dancing and maybe even sing, too, who knows? And
your family wouldn't have to worry; I'd take great care of you. They can
visit anytime they want-it's only a two-hour flight."
"Kenny, we've been through all of this before," she sighed. Although
tempted by his offer in the deep recesses of her heart and soul, she still
couldn't quite wrap her mind around taking him up on it.
"Maddy, c'mon, I know you miss me too."
"How do you know what I'm feeling?" she snapped defensively. "You
have no idea what it's been like for me all these months!"
"I'm sorry sweetheart; I didn't mean to upset you. I only meant that I
know you care for me as much as I care for you." In spite of his
frustration, he remained patient and calm.
"Yeah well, I tried to express that once in person, but you told me
not to get all crazy on you. If I remember correctly, that was just before
you stood me up for a date and then disappeared for five months!"
He shuddered at the recall of those terrible times. "I know, Madeline.
I remember that. And I am so very sorry. That was an awful period in my
life I never want to relive again. But like I've told you before, it just wasn't
happening for me in South Jersey. And after being around your family,
learning about all of their accomplishments-it just made me want to be a
better person, so I could be good enough for you. Remember, I promised
you I was going to get my education and then come back and marry you?
I meant that, sweetheart, with every ounce of my being. I guess I just
didn't realize how hard it was going to be to be away from you for so
long." He'd barely gotten the words out before sadness overwhelmed him
once more.
"Ok Ken, tell me honestly-how would you feel if I told you I was
moving to Florida tomorrow?" she tested him.
"Pretty damn happy," he replied forthrightly, leaving her at a loss for
words.
For awhile, the two of them were silent, each awash in regret and
remorse. Maddy wished she'd never given in to her fears in the first place
by using her mother's initial disapproval as an excuse to break up with
him. After they reunited, her misguided decision had only yielded more
pain once she'd finally decided to trust in her feelings, only to be shot
down harshly.
Kenny's bizarre reaction that evening had contradicted everything
he'd previous said and done, as well as drawn an eerie similarity to Jake,
who'd once sneered in response to a similar sentiment that she could not
possibly know what it truly meant to love. In that moment, Madeline had
arrived at the erroneous realization that, despite former evidence to the
contrary, Kenny was no different from Jake or every other pompous jerk
that'd since crossed her path.
And as Ken struggled with work demands, school projects and the
closing of real estate deals, it became increasingly more difficult to see the
light at the end of the tunnel. From deep within he knew his efforts would
pay off if he could just remain focused and optimistic. But in the last
several months, the oppressive scourge of competing love and guilt had
proven a formidable obstacle in the cultivation of a forward-thinking
mind.
Additionally, his awareness of her dissatisfaction with her own life,
whether willing to admit it or not, was quickly becoming a source of utter
frustration. He understood her closeness to her family, but for God's
sake, Florida wasn't exactly a half-world away; hell, it wasn't even halfway
across the country. Why was she being so damn stubborn?"
On the other hand, why should she move after the way he mishandled
things? When she was finally ready to express what he'd longed to hear
for months, he basically stomped all over her heart. And then to disappear
without so much as a goodbye phone call-what did he really expect?
"Kenny, I don't know what to say, except it's hard for me, too," she
confessed at last, wiping away a tear.
"Thank God I'm not the only one," he replied softly. "Maddy, can I
ask you something; please don't get mad at me, but it's just something I
need to know."
"What?" She braced for the query.
"Are you still a virgin?"
"Kenny! I can't believe you're asking me that!" For a moment, she
thought about sharing all of her dating horror stories, but quickly decided
against it; she wasn't ready to give him the satisfaction of knowing he still
ruled her heart.
"C'mon, Maddy, it's me you're talking to here; please just tell me."
His voice remained steady and calm.
"Fine-yes, if you must know! Yes, I am still a virgin! Does that make
you happy?"
"Yes, because I still want to be your first-and only," he confirmed
softly. That led to another long silence as Maddy contemplated this
simultaneously uplifting and confusing piece of information.
"Kenny," she finally said, "I-I don't know what you want me to say."
"Say you want it to," he pleaded.
"I do, but it's just not that easy," she sighed. She thought of the
ongoing family drama involving Greg's temporary move back home after
less than a year of marriage-a situation that thankfully appeared to be
resolved, at least for the moment. Prudently, everyone had resisted taking
sides, though plenty of colorful opinions had been expressed in the course
of endless debate. Then there was Lori's upcoming wedding, which so far
promised to be devoid of conflict.
As the maid of honor, Maddy couldn't simply up and run away from
home, much as it was becoming an undeniably attractive option. Finally,
there was the small matter of her parents' financial problems, the
knowledge of which she feigned ignorance regardless of overhearing their
detailed nightly conversations from across the hall as she struggled to drift
off to another state of consciousness.
And with her strange physical episodes becoming increasingly
prevalent, moving away seemed more like a recipe for disaster than a bold
move toward a new life. Such events had even landed her in the hospital
emergency room on a few occasions, though she spoke of them to no
one. One February night, she and one of her fellow ballroom dance
instructors had driven down to Ocean City for the weekend, attempting
to shake off the winter blahs. That evening, they'd gone to Key Largo in
the hopes of dancing the night away.
But soon after they'd arrived, the pulsating rhythms and flashing
strobe lights suddenly changed from energizing dance accoutrements to
instruments of torture. In reaction to these typical club stimuli, Maddy's
heart began to race out of control, vying for first place with her head,
which pounded ferociously. These sensations were accompanied by that
frightening flight-or-fight response, compelling her to run as fast and as
far as she could to some unknown destination. On this particular evening,
Maddy followed her impulses back out to the parking lot, oblivious to the
freezing temperatures.
Her dance partner had trailed right behind and insisted on taking her
to Shore Memorial, where a nurse attached a clip to her finger and
proclaimed that Maddy was getting plenty of oxygen, despite her protests
to the contrary. And though she saw the blinking green indicators that
confirmed this sound medical opinion, she remained unconvinced. That
belief only intensified with the nurse's subsequent announcement that the
patient was suffering from the flu-perfectly understandable given the
recent outbreak.
Madeline hadn't landed back in an emergency room since that
memorable evening. But though the acute onset of symptoms seemed to
have subsided, a persistent, general feeling of uneasiness had taken over,
accompanied by relentless headaches, stomach pains and occasional bouts
with alternating sweats and chills. All of this continued apace without
regard for the fact that she'd dutifully gone back on the Pill at her doctor's
insistence, thus experiencing regular if "false" periods.
Yet through it all, Maddy did her best to maintain a happy façade, so
as not to ruin Lori's wedding, worry her parents and otherwise negatively
contribute to existing family difficulties. Besides, it wasn't all bad-she
and her mom were spending lots of quality time going to the movies,
shopping and hanging out with Aunt Maria, who always made her laugh.
That particular phone conversation with Ken had ended with Maddy
assuring him of her best wishes and her complete confidence in his ability
to accomplish anything he set his mind to.
"It's not that I don't care about you, because I do-so much," she'd
said. "It's just that, I don't see how I can leave right now, if ever. I'm so
sorry, Kenny!"
The heart-wrenching call had concluded with both of them doubting
the wisdom of staying in touch, though neither relished the thought of
never speaking to the other again. Thus the clandestine pattern of
communication went on unabated, ultimately resulting in a decision that
would shock everyone.