“It’s OK, I can wait,” he said, then he leaned in to kiss my cheek. I watched him walk away and when he got to his car he loudly whispered, “call you tomorrow.”
I waved and then quietly went inside. I carefully shut the door to my room and then slid my shoes off and my double set of shirts, putting on the soft worn T-shirt I preferred for sleep. Comfortable, I pulled my phone from my purse and readied myself for the worst.
Thanks for checking, Nolan. Party went OK. Reed was a bit hungover, so he didn’t drink. He didn’t really talk much, though. Sarah and Sienna came by, said they’d see you tomorrow.
I wrote back, hoping I caught him before he went to bed.
Thanks. I miss you guys. Maybe we can all go to MicNic’s tomorrow?
He was up.
Mmmmm, burgers. Let’s do it.
Sean was so easy. Why couldn’t I have fallen for him? Another text buzzed me right away.
I think I might love Becky.
I smiled at this. It made me happy to see him so happy with someone who cared equally for him. I wrote back right away.
Good. Now tell her!
He just sent back a smile. I went to bed, glad to know Reed was safe and not hurting himself. But I couldn’t shake the worried feeling I had. And I was so conflicted over Tyler. He said he’d wait, but what if I made him wait forever? I guess I owed myself time, too. I pulled my head under my covers and fell asleep instantly, my tossing and turning from the night before nowhere to be found.
17. Up and Down
The next few weeks were fairly tolerable. I caught glances of Reed here and there, and the flirtation from Tyler continued, but on an extremely safe level. The attention was a nice distraction, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to make a decision just yet. It was like I was sort of stuck, somewhere between the version of me that was ready to grow up a little more and move on and the part of me that was still that silly girl that obsessed over a high school quarterback, drawing my name with his on corners of my homework.
I started to volunteer for a few early morning shifts working with kids with disabilities. It was a form of water therapy that we did in partnership with the Boys and Girls Club, and it was honestly the most amazing thing I had ever done. I had a little girl, Nancy, who would work only with me. She was maybe 7 or 8. The first day I volunteered was her first day in the pool, and she refused to go in with anyone but me. She said I made her feel safe. Nancy had Downs Syndrome and extreme anxiety. But when she floated on her back through the water, staring at the sky, her face would transform into this serene expression. I called her my mermaid princess, because her hair would float around the water in all different directions, just like the Disney movie.
We had to move the last week of sessions to the evening because several of the area swim teams were competing for regional meets and had booked the lap pools for the morning hours. As much as I wanted to avoid my problems by never having to come face to face with them, I also knew that I couldn’t run forever. I was bound to have to sort out how to be in the same place as Reed when school began in the fall, and it didn’t seem fair to give up something that was bringing me such joy just to put that confrontation off just a little bit longer.
I hadn’t seen Reed in so long that I was a little surprised when he walked through the locker room door to the outside deck for the afternoon shift. I was finishing up my last break with Tyler, who was giving me a pep talk before working a double-shift, one with Reed. He seemed to have come back to the world of the living some. His tired face looked well-rested now, shaven and put together. He was wearing an old Detroit Tigers hat, the trucker style ones with mesh netting on the back. His hair was back to being perfect, curling a bit around the edges of his hat.
He seemed somehow older, somehow more mature. And when he slid up on the counter by the front desk to wait for the rest of the afternoon shifters to show up, he turned his face in my direction. I couldn’t read the expression from his eyes because of his sunglasses, but I could make out the undeniable dimple on his cheek from his half-smile. I slowly turned to look back at the crowd of swimmers wading in the water, hoping my sunglasses disguised the emotion on my face just as his did.
“You sure you don’t need me to stay? I don’t mind,” Tyler asked, leaning his knee into mine as we sat side-by-side in the deck chairs.
“No, I have to do this sometime. Might as well be now,” I said with a heavy sigh.
“OK, but if it’s too much, just let me know, and I’ll sign up for a double tomorrow, ok?” he said, standing. I nodded with a small smile to show him how much I appreciated his kindness. Tyler walked behind my chair and then leaned his head down above me a bit. I saw his shadow cast over me, but didn’t think anything of it until his lips landed square atop my head and he whispered “be careful.”