“Stop,” I snapped, jerking up out of my seat. Feeling sick again, not caring that students were staring. “I can’t do this with you.”
“Leaving so soon? Yeah, go ahead, cut and run. Coward,” she murmured as I gathered my backpack from under the desk and tried to get Weinstein’s attention, to let her know she could flunk me for all I cared.
Because if I didn’t leave, I was going to say some shit I didn’t need to.
Her teeth chewed on her lower lip. “Before you go, just tell me one thing, and I’ll make sure we aren’t partners in this class. You’ll be free of me.”
“What?” I asked, my voice going all raspy from blocking all the words I wanted to say to her. They weren’t things she ever needed to hear.
“Why so cruel to me? You aren’t to the other girls you’ve dated. You still talk to them. You still look at them. What made me different?”
I seethed, my hands clenching. “And it didn’t take you long to find someone else, now did it? Some French dude and now Spider. And how is Spider? Is he your new guy? Does he get you hot like I did? Does he tell you how good—”
She slammed her notebook down, causing Weinstein to notice and cut her eyes at us. Emma and Sebastian both stopped talking and gaped at us.
I sat back down, trying to reign in my temper. I’d already been in the headmaster’s office once this month for getting into a scuffle with a guy out on the quad. I didn’t need to go for arguing with an ex-girlfriend.
She huffed. “Spider’s fine. He thinks I hung the moon. He thinks you’re an ass. I agree.” Suddenly, her face changed, her eyes flickering with sadness. What was she remembering? Was it that last time…
“I gave you my heart, and you destroyed it,” she whispered, the unsteadiness of her voice my undoing, sending me right over the edge of that precarious cliff I’d been hanging on to by the skin of my teeth.
The pencil I’d been clutching broke and small pieces flew across my desk and into the empty space between us. I wanted to pummel my desk until my fists bled. I wanted to punch a hole through the wall, the floor, something.
Everything was my fault. Just mine.
Dovey had been collateral damage, the kind that breaks you the most. And I was sorry for it, but sometimes you do what hurts because it’s for the best. But she was my kryptonite, leaving me no option but to make sure she stayed away from me.
I didn’t think about my cruel words; I just said them. “You were a curiosity, Dovey. You’re not from here, and I wanted a taste, that’s all. I moved on when it got boring. Get over it.”
“A taste?” she said, face pale.
I didn’t take my eyes off her. This might be the last time I ever looked at her again.
I wanted to shore up her image. Get my fill.
I nodded and dug the knife in deeper. It was the only way. But I couldn’t look at her when I said it, so I stared at the floor, making my voice harsh. “I slummed with you.”
She made a whimpering noise, and fuck me, my heart jerked in my chest at the pain I imagined I heard in that sound. I gripped the edge of my seat, forcing myself to stay strong, to not make eye contact. Don’t give in, I yelled at myself.
“I need to go,” she said abruptly and got up from her desk. She gathered her Lit book and shoved it in her backpack.
Wait.
“Dovey?” I said faintly as I gazed back at her, the sound of her name on my lips giving me a jolt. I hadn’t said it in over a year, but in my mind, I’d whispered it a thousand times.
Emma leaned down and scooped up Dovey’s pencil that had rolled under her desk when she stood. She flashed a sugary smile. “Don’t forget this on your way out.”
Without taking it, Dovey pivoted and walked out the door, her back as straight as the pencil I’d broken.
Weinstein watched her go, but said nothing. Perhaps she’d seen her face. Perhaps she’d heard what I announced.
I turned to Emma, and she dropped her smirk. “If I hear one word about this pass your lips at BA, you and I will be over as friends. No trash talking about her. Got it?”
She twisted her mouth. “Whatever you say, Hollywood. Not sure why you even care though. She’s nothing.”
I sat back in my desk, my chest wanting to cave in, hating myself for hurting her all over again.
It’s not surprising really; after all, it’s what I do best, destroying those who love me.
An image of my little sister, Cara, came to mind, quickly followed by a vision of my mother.
I’d killed them. That seemed to come easy to me too.
“One kiss and I was a goner.”
–Dovey
ONCE I CLEARED the doorway, my walk accelerated into a run. A short skirt and high heels made it difficult, but I managed, passing a couple of wandering students in the hall. They gawked. Soon, I’d be the talk of the school, especially if Emma had anything to do with it.
Finally, I reached one of the side exits and ran out the door and onto the soggy lawn. My shoes dug into the mud. Great. This day just kept getting worse. At least the rain had stopped, so I found a bench, wiped it off with my hands, and plopped down.
I fiddled with the necklace that rested under my shirt, trying to ease the after-effects of his words. He’d merely told me what I already knew, that I’d been a dalliance to him, something he’d discarded as soon as it got old. Still, the words stung. “I won’t cry,” I said aloud. Crying was pointless. Plus, I blamed myself for even opening my mouth and antagonizing him. It made me look foolish and like I still cared.