Vampire Brat - Page 7/13

    By evening I had put together the best combined Werewolf and Vampire Trapping Kit ever. It had: Q 1 bag of dog biscuits Q 1 extra-large fishing net Q 1 bat poo sack Q 1 long piece of rope Q 1 flashlight Q 1 roll of string (in case I had to go down any secret passages) Q1 pencil and 1 piece of paper (in case I got trapped and had to write an SOS note) Q 1 pair of werewolf eyeglasses I am sure that there are lots of combined Werewolf and Vampire Trapping Kits around, but the werewolf eyeglasses were what set the Spookie Trapping Kit above the rest. I made them from an old pair of Aunt Tabby's glasses that I had found in the back of an armchair and some hologram eyes from one of my last year's birthday cards. The birthday card had what was meant to be a cute little bunny on it, with cute little bunny eyes. But every time you looked at the bunny, its hologram eyes stared back and you got the creepy feeling that the bunny was watching you and waiting to pounce, because they were not cute bunny eyes at all--they were werewolf eyes.

    Someone in the card factory had stuck the wrong eyes on. I expect that somewhere there was a kid looking at a Halloween card that had a werewolf with cute bunny eyes thinking, Well, that's not at all scary; in fact I wouldn't mind one of those as a pet. I saved the card and when I was getting the Trapping Kit together I had the really great idea of making the glasses. So I stuck the werewolf-bunny hologram eyes on the glasses and put them on. I couldn't see much because Aunt Tabby's glasses make everything blurry anyway and the eyes kind of blanked every- thing else out, but I figured that in the dark I could easily be mistaken for a werewolf.

    And that might come in handy on a werewolf vam- pire hunt, particularly as I figured there was a good chance that Vampire Max would be scared of werewolves. Now I began to make plans. I was in the basement corridor working out the best place to spring the trap, when Wanda and Max came around the corner. They were so busy talking--and eating candy--that they didn't notice me. "Come, Wanda, " Max was saying, "you can show me the bat turret. I love to see bats. " I didn't like the sound of that. The bat tur- ret is Uncle Drac's place, and the only people allowed in are me--of course--and Barry, who collects the bat poo. Horrible little vam- pires are most definitely not allowed.

    Wanda trotted toward me and I stepped back into the doorway of the second-larder- on-the-left-just-past-the-boiler-room. She didn't see me. Max was following her, and as I watched him he took another piece of candy and bit into it with his pointy teeth, just as if he was doing a practice bite before he bit Wanda. Wanda may not have been my best friend just then but I had to save her. So I jumped right out in front of them. Wanda screamed. And then she saw it was  me and she looked really annoyed. "Araminta, what are you doing here?" she asked. "None of your business, " I said. I could Q have told her that I was saving her from being bitten by a vampire but I didn't bother. I could tell that Wanda would not be grateful. "Stop following us around, " said Wanda. "I am not following you around, " I told her. "I have important business here. " "You are following us. Everywhere we go you are there, lurking, " said Wanda, getting pink around the ears like she does when she is really fed up. "Me, lurking?" I said, shocked. "It's not me who lurks. It's Vamp--it's Max who lurks. " Max didn't say anything. He just took another big chunk of candy from his bag--a horrible blood-red piece this time--and shoved it into his mouth.

    I stared at his vam- pire teeth, wondering how come Wanda hadn't noticed them. Sometimes I think Wanda needs glasses. "Come on, Max, " said Wanda, taking Max's little sticklike arm. "We are going. " And she stuck her nose in the air and stomped off back the way they came. After that I decided that if Wanda wanted to get bitten by a vampire brat, then that was perfectly all right with me. The sooner the better, in fact. I carried on with my plans. I found a really great place to spring the were- wolf trap, and then I took the Combined Werewolf and Vampire Trapping Kit up to our bedroom.

    It was Saturday that day, but our bed- room was still the Friday bedroom since You-know-who had stolen the best bedroom of the week. The Friday bedroom is okay though. It has a little arched window with a picture of a griffin on it that Sir Horace says came from his castle. It also has a very high, pointed ceiling;Wanda and I have our beds up on a platform close to the ceiling and you have to climb up a long ladder to get to them. If you want to get out of bed really quickly there is a firefighter's pole by my bed, and Wanda has to ask very nicely if she wants to use it. But just then Wanda could have asked as nicely as she wanted and I still would not have let her use it. I like being on my own because I am used to it. Before Wanda came to live with us I spent lots of time on my own, so I was looking forward to just sitting on the griffin window seat and reading my book about were- wolves.

    I was sure that Wanda would still be with Max, but when I opened the door a little squeaky voice from far above said, "Hello, Araminta. " I did not answer. "Hello, Araminta, " Wanda said again. "Oh, hello, " I said in a bored voice. I picked up the Werewolf Spotter's Handbook, then I sat down under the griffin window and began to read it. Wanda didn't say anything, but I knew she was looking at me and wanting me to stop reading. But I didn't. Then suddenly she blurted out, "He's a vampire!" I did not answer. I am not that easily won over. "Araminta, " said Wanda, looking down at me from her bed, her little legs swinging over the edge of the platform and her eyes almost popping out.

    "Maximilian is a vampire. " "I know, " I said, sounding bored. I kept reading. "You know? But how?" squeaked Wanda. I shrugged, but I did not say anything. Wanda did not say anything for a while either. She kept staring at me and trying to make me stop reading. But I would not give in. At last she gave up and said, "Araminta, can I slide down the firefighter's pole?" "No, " I told her. "Please?" "No. " "I'll tell you all the vampiry things I have found out about Max. Can I? Please, please, please?"

    "Oh, all right then. " "Great!" Wanda slid down the pole and a moment later she was beside me on the win- dow seat under the griffin window saying "Budge up, Araminta" as she wriggled to get comfortable. I closed my book. It was really nice to have Wanda sitting next to me although I wasn't going to let her know. "I have discovered that Max is a vampire, " Wanda said, her eyes almost popping out onto the floor. "So?" I yawned. "He talks just like vampires talk in the movies. " "I know, " I said. Wanda and I know all about vampire movies because some nights, when we are supposed to be in bed, Uncle Drac sets up an old projector in the furry bathroom--which is furry because of all the yucky green mold growing all over it--and Aunt Tabby watches old black-and-white vampire movies and eats a ton of mint candy.

    Aunt Tabby thinks we are in bed--she does not know that Wanda and I are behind her sofa watching them too, and eating her mint candy when she is not looking. "And he has really pointy teeth. " "I know, " I said. "And long scratchy nails. " "I know. " "And he really wanted to see the bats. But that isn't how I knew he was a vampire. " Wanda wriggled even closer and whispered, "Araminta, do you want to know how I dis- covered that Max is a vampire?"

    This was getting interesting. It sounded like Wanda had discovered something really bad. I nodded. So Wanda whispered in my ear, "After you jumped out at us in the basement--" "I did not jump out at you. " "Yes, you did. Anyway, after that we went to find some gummy bears, and one of the escaped bats flapped into us and Max ate it!" That was horrible. "How did he eat it?" I asked. "Did he swallow it whole or chew it a bit first?" "I don't know, " said Wanda. "I didn't see. " "So how do you know for sure he ate it?" "Because, " Wanda whispered, "when we got into the kitchen he had blood running down from the corners of his mouth. "

    "Argh!" I dropped the Werewolf Spotter's Handbook onto the floor. "Shhh, he'll hear you. Vampires have really good hearing, " hissed Wanda. "Remember that movie where they tried to escape in the stagecoach along the top of that cliff in a thunderstorm but the vampire had heard all Q their plans and trapped them?" I nodded again. I wished that I had seen the blood too as it sounded really fun--and it proved I was right about Max. "So while you were out vampiring with Vampire Max--" I said. "I wasn't vampiring, " Wanda interrupted. "Well, while you were doing whatever with Max, I was busy putting together a Combined Werewolf and Vampire Trapping Kit, " I said.

    Wanda looked impressed. "You are so smart, Araminta. " "I know, " I said.

    As we were going down the stairs to supper, Wanda suddenly stopped and said, "But we don't need to trap Max, we know where he is. He will be downstairs having dinner with us. " I sighed.

    "But we have to trap him while he is biting someone, don't we? Otherwise Aunt Tabby will never believe it. " "Oh, " said Wanda, "I see. " And then she said in a worried voice, "But who will we trap him biting?" Now when you are trapping vampires--or werewolves--you need one person to set the trap and another one to be bait. And since it was my trap, I would have to set it. Which, as far as I could see, left only one person who could be the bait.

    But I didn't tell Wanda that because I thought it might put her off her din- ner. Despite what Aunt Tabby says, I think I can be quite thoughtful at times.