“No,” she said stubbornly. “It’s not like that. It’s never been like that.”
He looked at her then and for a moment, he seemed much older than his years. “Don’t worry about me. I’m not going to change my mind about college or being a teacher. I’m going to get it done. I’ve talked to the people here and they’re going to help me get a job.”
“You already have a job at Score.”
His mouth twisted. “I have a made-up position. I want a job I got because of who I am, not who I know.”
“It’s not like that,” she said again. “Percy, this is all wrong. Come home. If you don’t want to stay with Jack, stay with me.”
The smile returned. “I’ve seen your apartment. You don’t have room for Dyna, let alone me. It’s better this way.”
“It’s not.” She felt her eyes fill with tears. “What happened? Just tell me that. Something happened to make everything different.”
He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. The action was so much like what Jack would have done.
“I was trying to rescue you,” she admitted. “And now you’ve gone and grown up.”
He chuckled. “I had to eventually.”
“We could have put it off a while longer.”
He released her. “I’m okay, Larissa. Thank you for all your help. You really did save me. I’m staying in town, so we’ll still see each other. But I gotta make my own way. I hope you understand that.”
She nodded, even though she didn’t. She didn’t understand at all.
* * *
TARYN WALKED INTO Jack’s office without knocking. Unfortunately he wasn’t on the phone, so he couldn’t pretend to be busy. Because when Taryn had fire in her eyes, it was always best to be somewhere she was not.
Still, he wasn’t going to let her know she had him worried, so he gave her a smile and then leaned back in his chair.
“What’s up?” he asked, even though he already had a good idea of the problem.
She put her hands on her h*ps and glared at him. “What the hell is wrong with you? You hurt that kid and that means you hurt Larissa, too.”
The smile faded and he brought himself into an upright position. An unfamiliar crawling sensation coiled in his belly and it took him a second to realize it was shame. Not that he would admit to it.
“We all took Percy in,” she continued. “We were there for him. You’ve got Sam and Kenny tutoring him so he can get his GED. We all care and now he’s gone. Worse, he won’t say what happened.”
“Then how do you know it was me?”
She rolled her eyes. “Seriously? That’s your defense? Dammit, Jack, you can’t act like this.”
“Why not?” He rose and glared at her, fighting an anger that surprised him with its intensity. “You care. Kenny cares. Sam cares. Great. I don’t. Percy was one more problem Larissa dumped at my feet. I did what I could and now he’s gone.”
“I don’t accept that,” she snapped. “You can tell the rest of the world you don’t give a shit, but I know differently.”
“You don’t know as much as you think you know. Too many people want too much. You’re all dragging me down. Percy was dead weight.”
He had no idea where the words were coming from, but he couldn’t stop them. He narrowed his gaze.
“You may not like the truth,” he continued, “but that doesn’t change it. I’m the guy who writes a check.”
“There’s more to you than that,” she said firmly.
“You think? I can prove it. I don’t care that Percy’s gone. As for you, I’m not interested in being in your wedding. You have enough people helping you play princess.”
Taryn’s face went white. She sucked in a breath, but didn’t speak. Just as well, because he was already walking out the door.
* * *
LARISSA PAUSED IN the center of town. The decorations were up for the Fall Festival the following weekend. Normally she loved seeing the process of “dressing” the storefronts and streetlights. But today seeing it all didn’t seem to be helping. Everything was wrong and she didn’t know how to make it right. In a matter of a couple of days, her whole world was upside down.
Percy was still gone. He’d gotten a job working for Josh Golden at the cycling school. He was learning how to repair the bikes and keep them ready for the rental side of the business. He said the halfway house was a good place to be and Kenny and Sam swore he was still coming in for his tutoring sessions.
But it wasn’t the same, she thought sadly. Percy wasn’t a part of her day-to-day life. She didn’t see him as much. Which, she realized, made it all about her. What was far more important was what had happened between Percy and Jack. Because that had been the beginning of the trouble.
She hadn’t seen Jack since Tuesday. He hadn’t been in the office and Taryn wasn’t talking and from what she could tell, Kenny and Sam were genuinely clueless.
The two remaining chiweenies with Jack were still being walked by volunteers and none of them claimed to have seen him. What really had her worried was he wasn’t taking her calls. Jack always took her calls. Two years ago, he’d answered her call while ha**g s*x with one of his bimbos. But now he wouldn’t talk to her? What was going on?
Her cell phone rang. She grabbed it and pushed the button.
“Hello? Jack?”
“Uh, no. This is Martin Guley. I got your name from a mutual friend. I work for an animal shelter in Sacramento and we have an unusual situation. A family took in a mountain lion as a cub. Now she’s grown to the point where they can’t keep her and I was told you might be able to help. We only need a home for her until we can figure out what to do. So a few weeks at best. She’s friendly, but she can be a little rough on the furniture.”
Larissa’s first instinct was to say of course she could help with the mountain lion. Jack’s place was plenty big. Only she’d been forced to admit that maybe she was guilty of hiding behind her causes. She couldn’t rescue the world. Her time would be far better spent trying to make her little piece of it better.
“Martin, I’m afraid I can’t take in a mountain lion right now. However, I do have the names of several large-cat rescue facilities. They’ll have the space and the resources to help. I’m on my way home right now. I’ll email you the contact info within the hour.”
“Thanks so much,” Martin said gratefully. “I’m new to the shelter and I didn’t know what to do.”
“Not a problem.”
She hung up and started walking toward her apartment. She would get Martin the information he needed, then get a couple of cat cuddles from Dyna to heal her restless heart. But after that, she didn’t have a plan...except maybe to confront Jack and get to the bottom of what on earth was going on.
* * *
LARISSA LET HERSELF into Jack’s house around four that afternoon. “It’s me,” she called as she closed the front door behind her.The last two chiweenies came running to greet her. She petted them both, then walked into the large living room.
“Jack?”
“I’m here.”
He was sitting on the sofa. His hair was a mess and he hadn’t shaved in a couple of days, which made her wonder if he’d showered. He wore a worn T-shirt over jeans. His feet were bare. One of his dress shirts lay in tatters on the carpet by the coffee table. It had obviously been sacrificed to the chiweenies. More troubling was the bottle of Scotch in front of him and the half-empty glass next to it.
She bit her lower lip. Jack wasn’t one to drink alone and certainly not in the middle of the day. Something was very, very wrong.
She crossed to the sofa and sat angled toward him. He didn’t bother looking at her. Instead, he stared straight ahead, but with purpose. As if there was something going on that only he could see.
“Jack,” she said softly. “What’s going on? You’re scaring me. You just disappeared the other day. You’re not taking my calls. Taryn’s upset so I know something happened with her. Plus, Percy’s gone.”
He picked up the glass and swallowed the contents. “Damn fool kid.”
He turned to look at her. His eyes were bloodshot and he looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. She wanted to pull him close and let her love heal him. Instead, she stayed where she was and let him tell her whatever it was he had to say.
“Where is he?” Jack asked.
“A halfway house. He got a job with Josh Golden, at the cycling school, and he’s still studying with Kenny and Sam.”
“They’re good men. They won’t screw up.”
“You didn’t screw up.”
One eyebrow rose. “You can’t defend me because you don’t know what happened.” He poured another drink. “Because it’s all my fault, Larissa. I destroyed it all.” He picked up the glass. “You know what? I turned down the job.”
Was he drunk? He sure wasn’t making any sense.
“What job?”
“For the football program. Like I know anything about how to do it.”
She clasped her hands together. “Jack, you would have been so good with the players.”
“Would I?” His dark gaze settled on her face. “Yeah, I don’t think so. Because I’m the reason Percy left. At the tournament Jonny Blaze asked if he was my kid. He said we had the same eyes.”
“You’re pretty young to be his father,” she said.
“That’s not the point.” Jack’s voice was angry. “I don’t want that kid. Any kid. I would be a lousy father.”
“No, you wouldn’t. You would do a great job.”
“You’re blind. I told him that Percy wasn’t mine. That he was a problem that wouldn’t go away.”
Larissa felt her eyes widen. “Jack,” she began.
He cut her off with a shake of his head. “I didn’t mean it, or maybe I did. Hell if I know anything anymore. Percy heard. That’s why he left. Nobody wants to be charity, Larissa. People don’t want to be saved, they want to believe they can save themselves.”
She considered what he’d just said. “Have you talked to him? If you explain it was an accident and you’re sorry, then he’ll come back.”
“He’s not coming back,” Jack told her. “And I don’t want him to. He needed too much. I’m not getting involved. I write the checks, you do the rest of it.”
“Jack, no.”
“Face it. I’m the sales guy. I’m into flash. I tell the customers what they want and Taryn takes care of the rest. It’s better that way. That’s what I told President Newham and the mayor. Thanks but no thanks. I’m not your guy.”
This was a side of Jack she hadn’t seen before. Coldly cynical and almost mean.
“No,” she said firmly. “You’re wrong. You’re more than a sales guy. You love what you do. As for coaching, you should really think about it. It would fill your soul.”
He laughed and took a drink. “My soul is plenty full.”
“You have to give back,” she persisted. “It’s the law of the jungle. You have more so you have to give more.”
He gave her a withering look. “That’s not the law of the jungle. I believe what you’re searching for is kill or be killed. I’m taking the easy way out, Larissa. I always have. Why can’t you see that?”
What she saw was how much he hated himself right now. He felt pressured by the job offer and he’d reacted badly. She knew all the reasons why. She understood him, she always had. He—
She looked at him and got it. He was pushing them all away because it made it easier for him to deal with what was happening. After years of not getting involved, he was being sucked in. By her, by the town, by Percy and the university. The need to connect overwhelmed him. The lashing out was simply a symptom.
She slid toward him and put her hand on his arm. “Jack, it’s okay. We’ll get through this together.”
“I doubt that.”
“You don’t understand. You can’t scare me away. I love you.” She paused as the truth sank in. “I’m not trying to get over you. I don’t think I ever was. I’m in love with you and I’m going to love you for the rest of my life.”
* * *
JACK HAD ENJOYED his English classes in college. Writing papers had come easy to him, mostly because he knew how to spread about the bullshit with the best of them. He could read a book and then answer essay questions with ease.
He remembered some book about a guy who had no purpose and how that was its own brand of hell. He hadn’t understood it at the time, but he got it now. Because he was that guy. At one time he’d had a goal—to win. And before that, well, no reason to go there. Now, however, there was nothing. He’d already destroyed his relationship with Percy and Taryn, why not go for gold?
He stood up, careful to carry his glass with him. He turned to face Larissa, taking in her blue eyes, the fullness of her mouth. He knew everything about her, so he knew exactly where to slide the knife.
“Don’t love me,” he told her. “I’m not interested in your love. Or you. I can’t save you and if I could, I wouldn’t.”
She stared at him without flinching. “I don’t need saving.”
“Sure you do. Without me, you have no causes. And without your causes, you’re nothing.”
Her shoulders squared and her chin came up. “You’re wrong. I have value. We all do. You’re a whole lot more than just the guy who writes the checks.”