Getting in the Rover Jax got me, the Rover that up until that moment I had not once been truly grateful for, I back out of the driveway, narrowly miss the car parked behind me, and then turn onto the street.
I can’t recall ever feeling like I do right now, like I have just been stabbed in the chest, which makes no sense, because Jax is not mine.
Parking in Ashlyn’s driveway, which is just a couple blocks away, I make my way to her front door and ring the bell, trying to get my breathing to even out, so I don’t sound like I just ran a race.
“Hey!” She smiles, opening the door, then frowns when she sees my face. “What’s wrong?” she asks, grabbing onto my hand.
I want to tell her everything. I want to tell her I like her brother waaay too much and that he was just mauled by a blonde but looked like he was enjoying it before I ran out of the house. I want to ask her if this pain in my chest is normal, if I should feel this way for someone I hardly know. I want to tell her all of this, but instead, I say, “Another girl was taken.”
“Oh, no,” she whispers, covering her mouth.
“Yeah, I’m sorry to do this. I know you guys were going to spend the day together, but do you mind if I take Hope early?”
“Of course.” She nods as her cell phone begins to ring somewhere in the house.
“Mama,” Hope yells excitedly, running toward me. “Wook at my makeup!” she cries happily, showing me a pink kids’ makeup set in her hands that Ashlyn obviously got for her.
“So cool, Angel baby.” I smile, picking her up, seeing Ashlyn frown when her house phone starts to ring.
“Tell Ashlyn thank you, Angel,” I tell Hope, leaning down and grabbing her bag that’s sitting right inside the door.
“I’m weaving?” she pouts.
“Yes, but you can come back again another time,” I assure her softly, really needing to get out of here.
“Thanks, Aunty Ashwyn,” Hope says, blowing her a kiss.
“Bye, Princess Hope.” Ashlyn smiles then looks over her shoulder when the phone that just went silent rings again.
“You get that and we’ll see you soon,” I tell her, but I can see in her eyes that she knows something else is going on.
“Are you sure you don’t want some coffee? I just put a pot on.” Feeling tears choking me, I shake my head.
“Call me if you need to, honey,” she says gently as I step away from the door, and I carry Hope to the backdoor of the Rover, put her in, and make sure she’s buckled before getting in behind the wheel and backing out of Ashlyn’s driveway.
Looking at the house, I see Ashlyn standing in her open front door with the phone to her ear and a worried look in her eyes. Giving a slight wave, I finish backing out and then try to figure out what the hell it is I’m doing.
I live with Jax, so I can’t avoid him forever, even if I wish I could go pick up my stuff from his place and head back to my trailer. My eyes go to the rearview mirror, and I see Hope is watching me and I swallow. No, I don’t wish that. We’re in the best place for us; I just need to get my heart out of the mix.
“What do you say me and you spend the day at the zoo, Angel baby?” I ask.
“Zoo?” she whispers, and then yells, “Yay! Zoo!” making me laugh.
Heading through town, I get on the highway, and it only takes about twenty minutes for us to get to the zoo. Once we park the car, I rent one of the strollers they have available, even though as of right now Hope wants to walk. I know in a couple hours she’s not going to feel the same way, and I can’t carry her like I could when she was a baby.
Walking into the zoo, I stop at one of the shops and grab an apple juice for her and a coffee for myself, along with a map.
“Where to first, Angel?” I ask her, getting down on my haunches so she can look at the map with me.
“What are those?” she asks, pointing at one of the pictures on the map.
“Those are flamingos,” I tell her, watching her face as she studies the image.
“Dey’re pink,” she says, pointing out there color.
“They are. That’s their real color.”
“Can I see them?” she asks hopefully.
“Yes,” I agree, taking her hand in mine, using my other to push the stroller as we walk along the trails, stopping every once in awhile when we pass something that catches her attention.
“Ax!” Hope yells, pulling her hand out of mine where we have stopped to look at some bison that are roaming in a large open field.
My eyes meet Jax’s before he drops to one knee, catching Hope, who throws herself into his arms. Our eyes stay locked and I swallow. He looks pissed…or whatever emotion is worse than pissed.
“Hey, sweetheart.” He smiles, kissing Hope’s cheek before setting her to the ground and taking her hand.
“Uhh…” I breathe as my heartbeat accelerates and he gets closer to me.
“Mama, Ax is here,” Hope points out happily, and I open my mouth then close it again, because nothing comes out.
“Hey, baby.” Jax bends his head toward me, touching his mouth to mine. Once again, I notice the way his lips feel—the way they are so warm, the way the top feels softer than the bottom, the way even his lips taste like cinnamon and mint, and the way I want to lean in and get closer.
“Uhh…” I stutter, opening my eyes and looking up at him.
“We’re gonna see fwamingos,” Hope tells Jax, tugging on his hand, not mentioning he kissed me, like it’s completely normal for him to do it.