I pressed send and went to find the library. I would just start reading during lunchtime. Making myself as invisible as possible.
The pep rally was after lunch on Friday. Cheerleaders had spent the day in their uniforms and doing cheers in the hallways to drum up school spirit. The football players’ lockers were easy to recognize, since they had been decorated with balloons, hearts, and posters.
Today Brady walked through the halls as if he owned the place. More so than he usually did. His name was chanted often, and he beamed whenever a chant started up. Between classes the cheerleaders even had the entire hallway doing cheers for him. I couldn’t imagine that after all this, we even needed a pep rally. I’d been a cheerleader once, but I didn’t recall ever having this much spirit on game day. Seemed like overkill.
After Tuesday no one had really spoken to me the rest of the week. I managed to fade into the walls. Nash was no longer texting me or seeking me out. When I passed him in the halls, he didn’t even glance my way. It was what Brady wanted, and it was best for me. Still, being invisible only added to my loneliness. Finding friends was hard when you didn’t speak. People didn’t know what to do with you. I could see the way they watched me and could hear them whisper about me. Reaching out and making friends wasn’t something I was brave enough to do.
Then there was West. I’d expected him to say something to me about that one spoken word, but he never did. He also ignored me. If I didn’t know that I was in fact visible to the human eye, I would’ve assumed I truly had disappeared. The only interaction I had with West was when I dropped a book while walking down the crowded hallway. Out of nowhere he bent down, stopping traffic to pick it up for me. He hadn’t made eye contact with me, though. He’d just walked away.
Facing an entire gym full of loud, excited students as they hooted for the cheerleaders and football team wasn’t appealing, but I had to go. My aunt wouldn’t be picking me up until it was over. She’d want to know if I enjoyed the pep rally, and I would have to lie.
I tucked my book bag under my legs after getting a seat on the far end of the bleachers near the door. When it was time to leave, I would have an easy exit out of the gym.
Scanning the team’s faces, I found Brady immediately. He seemed more focused and less exuberant than the other guys, who were interacting with the crowd. People were chanting different names, and the guys were enjoying it. I continued looking through the team, not admitting to myself that I was looking for West. His dark head was nowhere to be found. I had just started scanning the whole team again when I heard giggles around me.
“God, I want to be her,” said a girl sitting in front of me. I wasn’t sure who “her” was. But as the girl’s friend turned her head to look toward the doors, I followed her gaze and saw West in the doorway with Raleigh wrapped around him.
“He always takes her back. It’s so frustrating. She’s not that hot,” the first girl added.
“I disagree,” a guy broke in. “She’s smoking,”
West tore his mouth off Raleigh’s and grinned. Then he put her down and entered the gym like he was the king and we were all his royal subjects.
“I want him.” The first girl sighed, and her friend laughed as they made more remarks about West’s body and the other things they loved about him.
When he got to the center of the gym, he turned and smiled at the screaming crowd. Sure, his smile was beautiful, but it wasn’t real. It was lifeless and fake. Did no one see that? Was I the only one?
An argument started up beside me, and I noticed a guy with short blond hair and glasses trying to get the girl on my left to move over. She was rolling her eyes at him, but she eventually scooted away from me. The blond guy slid in beside me then tucked his book bag to his left, causing the girl to complain some more.
Finally he turned his gaze to me and smiled sheepishly. “Hey, I’m Charlie. We have second and fourth period together. Lunch, too, but you always seem to disappear during lunch,” he said. “I also know you don’t talk. I just wanted to introduce myself. And if you need anything or want to see a movie sometime, I’m available.”
“Seriously? That’s your pickup line?” asked the girl he had moved over. She rolled her eyes again before looking away from us and back at the football team.
“I’m not good at this kind of thing. I actually suck at it. But I . . . I was just wondering if maybe you’d like . . .” He trailed off as his cheeks turned pink. He was really cute. And nice. His eyes weren’t haunted, and I would bet he had a happy home life. With two parents who loved him. And no demons to carry around like I did.
He also wasn’t a football player. Something I liked a lot.
I reached for my note pad, which was tucked in the pocket of my book bag.
It’s nice to meet you, Charlie. I’m Maggie.
His grin grew. “Yeah, I know your name. I asked already. Not stalkerish or anything. Just curious. You’re new and all. We’ve all gone to school together most of our lives, so when someone new comes along . . .”
He trailed off as his cheeks went pink again. I didn’t have a response for that.
He chuckled and dropped his gaze to his hands. “So, what about that movie? You up for a movie?”
A movie . . . as in a date. I’d never been on a date. Did I want to? Was I ready for this?
I had said one word this week. West had brought it out of me without meaning to. I hadn’t fallen apart or ended up in a corner because of it. I was stronger now. But was I ready to date?
What if it was just West? What if I spoke to someone else, and hearing my voice sent me into a darkness I couldn’t find my way out of?
I looked back at the notebook in my lap then wrote.
Maybe.
That was all I could promise right now.
Let’s Own This Season
CHAPTER 8
WEST
It was the first time in my life I’d played a game without my dad there. Our win was the only thing the others were thinking about when it was over, so luckily, no one noticed except Brady. I’d shrugged it off and told him Dad wasn’t feeling well.
I ran in two touchdowns, but my dad wasn’t there to see them. He hadn’t been in his spot cheering me on. He hadn’t been at the fence with his big grin when I came running to the sidelines. He hadn’t been there because he’d had a fever and was on so much pain medicine, he wasn’t even lucid.
He hated taking the pain meds—he liked being there mentally with us —but he’d been in so much pain last night, Mom had forced him to take them. Then, when he finally went to sleep, she’d fallen into my arms and sobbed. I had never seen her like that before, had never seen her break down.
Facing today’s game had been the last thing I wanted to do. Knowing I would get to go home and tell my dad about it had been the only way I’d been able to play. I wanted to tell him something that would make him smile. I wanted him to believe in me. He and I had shared my dreams for so long. I didn’t want him to know I was losing those dreams. Because without him, I wouldn’t care anymore.
Not to mention Mom would need me when he was gone.
I hadn’t looked for Raleigh after the game. I’d gone straight to my truck, determined to get the hell away from all of them. All their joy over our win. I couldn’t be happy. My dad hadn’t been there. Winning didn’t mean as much anymore.
Facing my dad while my emotions were so raw wasn’t a good idea. But going to the field party where the team would be celebrating seemed fucking pointless. I couldn’t celebrate. I just wanted to forget. I wanted my old life back. I wanted my dad healthy.
After driving around for almost an hour, lost in the pain that had become part of me, my truck drove down the familiar dirt road to the field party. It was here or home, and I couldn’t go home just yet. I needed a few beers, and I needed to forget.
Everyone was already here. The loud shouts and laughter had once been welcome sounds. Now I hated them. None of my friends had worries except winning a football game. They didn’t know what fear was. None of them. These were the best fucking years of their lives. Once, they’d been mine, too.
I closed my truck door and stared at the bonfire through the trees. I would have to walk in there and put on a smile I didn’t feel. I would have to talk about a game I played with everything I had but only because I wanted to be able to tell my dad about it. Not because my heart was in it.
I didn’t fit in anymore. With any of them.
But where else would I go?
Drinking would ease the pain some. Nothing would take it all away.
I would pretend. It was what I did best lately.
Heading into the open field, I found a beer and made my way over to my friends. Raleigh was here already. I could see her over with the soccer boys. I knew she was mad, and that was her way of getting back at me. I just didn’t care.
“Where you been, man? We’ve been replaying the awesomeness that was Ashby tonight, and you weren’t even here to glory in it!” Ryker yelled out to me as I walked toward them.
“Had some things to do first,” I replied with a grin that hinted I’d been doing someone rather than somethings. I’d let them think what they wanted. Anything but the truth.
Laughter followed my comment.