I heard her words, but my mind was screaming for her to stop. She couldn’t be saying what it sounded like. But before I could say anything, she turned and walked away. Leaving me alone. Again.
Then she turned and ran. She didn’t look back.
I stood, helpless and unable to react. The emptiness that haunted me before was clawing at my chest to get back in and suck the life from me. But more than that . . . I was lost and broken.
The one person I thought I could trust had just let me down.
He Wasn’t Alone. I Was.
CHAPTER 43
MAGGIE
Sitting in my room alone was all I wanted to do. Facing how unhealthy my relationship with West had become wasn’t easy. It was even harder to push him away. Which didn’t say much for me. The fact was, I still wanted him. He wasn’t the only one guilty here. I was too. I’d created this. I had let him become dependent on me.
This wasn’t what I’d intended to happen in the beginning. I had imagined finding a way for me to heal too while I helped him. It was a way for me to find peace. But we had become something more. Something I never imagined. Falling in love with West Ashby had not been part of my plan.
Having to face the truth and let him go was a result of that stupid emotion I’d fallen victim to. Love. But West didn’t love me in return. He needed me only to get through. One day he wouldn’t need me anymore, and that would be it. There would be no foundation there for us except a shared pain from losing a parent.
A swift knock on the door was followed by Brady’s entrance before I could invite even him inside. The frown etched on his forehead told me he knew. West had said something to him. I wished he hadn’t. I didn’t want to talk about it yet.
“Are you okay?” he asked, studying me closely.
I wanted to tell him yes so he would leave, his duties as caring cousin fulfilled. But the words wouldn’t come. I shrugged instead.
Brady nodded as if that made complete sense. “He’s not okay either. Don’t guess you want to tell me about it?”
No, I didn’t. Verbalizing it made it real. Just thinking about it in my head was easier.
“He’s attached to you. I’ve never seen him act about anyone the way he does about you. Honestly, it concerned me. You’ve been through too much to be expected to take on his baggage too. He needs to realize he can survive this without you holding him up.”
That made it sound like I’d abandoned West. I didn’t like thinking about it that way. I’d never do that. “He got furious because another guy talked to me today,” I replied. “It’s not . . . healthy. He looks at me like I am his possession to protect so no one can snatch me away. We’re only in high school. That’s not normal.”
Brady walked over and sat on the edge of my bed. “I agree. It’s not. But West has always had a temper. Even when we were kids. I think a bit of that is coming through now. Not that it makes it okay. It doesn’t. You’re a person. Not his personal belonging.”
“Exactly,” I muttered, feeling guilty for talking about him like this. He wasn’t here to defend himself, and I was telling his best friend things I shouldn’t.
“He wanted to come over. I told him no. That he needs to give you time to work through whatever you’re dealing with,” Brady explained. “You did the right thing.”
But West was alone. He had no one there with him. “He’s all by himself,” I said, feeling the guilt weigh heavily on my already aching heart.
Brady stood up. “I’m headed over there now. I called Nash already, and he should be there any minute. We got him. You take care of you. This past month you’ve made breakthroughs no one thought you could. You’re talking, Maggie. That means you’re healing. Focus on you. I’ll take care of West.”
My eyes stung from unshed tears as I nodded. He was right. West had someone. In fact he had a whole group of friends who would stand with him through anything. He wasn’t alone.
I was.
When I finally fell asleep last night, Brady still hadn’t returned. I was relieved. Knowing he was staying with West had helped me calm down enough to sleep. Today I’d have to face school. I’d have to face West. I’d have to face my choice.
Getting up was harder than going to sleep had been. I wanted to stay hidden away in my room for weeks. Until my chest didn’t hurt anymore. I had known from the start that West Ashby could hurt me if I let him in. I just hadn’t expected it to feel like this. I had imagined him breaking it off with me because he wanted someone else. Or he was bored.
This was so much harder. I had been the one to hurt him. Me. The look on his face wouldn’t stop taunting me. Reminding me of how much it had crushed me to say those words to him.
“Hungry? I made waffles,” Aunt Coralee said as I walked into the kitchen. Eating made me feel nauseous, but she’d made a stack of waffles, and I knew Brady wasn’t here to eat them.
“Brady isn’t here,” I said, hoping she knew that already. I didn’t want to get him in trouble.
She gave me a sad smile and nodded. “I know. I’m about to take these over to West’s. There’s a houseful of boys who need food. I spoke with Brady thirty minutes ago.” She walked over to me, put her arm around my shoulders, and then kissed the top of my head. “Are you okay?” she asked softly.
I nodded simply because I didn’t want to talk about it.
She squeezed me to her. “In life we often have to make decisions that aren’t easy. But it doesn’t mean they aren’t right.”