I leaned back down and kissed her again, gentle kisses as she breathed under me, her pulse speeding up, matching mine. All the problems of the day, all the heartache and gut-wrenching hurt I’d felt over the past few hours melting into a puddle between us, both of us absorbing the pain into each other. Her kisses and touches seemed to be just as needful as mine; needy but not urgent.
I reluctantly broke the kiss once again and pulled her pants off. Before I could come back down to capture her mouth again, she reached for my belt buckle and pulled to release it, along with the snap on my jeans. I helped her get them off.
At this point, we were sitting, face to face, looking at each other. Her eyes were a mixture of longing, lust, and something close to desperation. That desperation wasn’t one of sadness, though, more like she was searching my brown eyes for acceptance. A grin twitched on the side of my mouth and I reached for her hands. She looked down as my strong, calloused fingers gently clung to her soft, pale, untouched ones.
“I’ve fallen for you, Mina. If this is love, then I love you, too.”
Another tear slid down her face, and this time it didn’t break my heart. I knew it was out of happiness at my words and not at the horrid pain she’d had to relive by telling me her story.
I was still in disbelief over the treatment she’d received by her mother. And that creep of a boyfriend her mother had. If I ever met him, I’d fold his teeth back with my fist. What a spineless loser. How could anyone treat another person that way, especially the fatherless child of someone you claimed to love?
I could only imagine how much she must have missed her father during those hard times. The same way I missed my mother, my soft place to fall when I needed a sympathetic ear or a home-cooked meal. And now we were both essentially adult orphans, and all we had was each other. We would have to be each other’s friend, lover, and everything in between. The thought of that both excited and terrified me. This girl was something else, and if I put everything I had into her, would we both come out of this unscathed?
I wasn’t going to think about that right now. I wanted her heart and needed her body and I was going to have both.
I pushed her back on the soft rug and crushed my body down on hers, the skin on skin feeling amazing. I kissed her again, hearing her soft sighs and moans as they vibrated through our kisses. I ran my hand down the warm skin of her stomach and sides and stopped when I got to her lacy panties. I tickled her stomach with my fingers and she sucked in a breath.
“Take them off, Jax, I need you. Now,” she said in that sexy-as-hell accent.
I didn’t need to be told twice. I slid them down her creamy thighs and let my fingers explore the area between them.
She groaned when I found the soft core of her body and I felt the fingers of one of her hands digging into my back, the other tugging on my briefs. I helped her with those too, and as soon as I lay back down on her, she opened up for me. I quickly found myself submerged in her soft, willing body.
Clasping her hands in mine above her head as I had done before, I felt her move in perfect time with me, her hips meeting mine in an erotic dance that was so new and exciting, yet so familiar and sensual.
It wasn’t long before she broke the kiss and arched her head back, moaning softly. “Oh, God…”
That put a smile on my face and I kept up the pace, hoping to hear it again soon.
I removed one hand from hers and slid it up her stomach and cupped one of her gorgeous breasts, easing the palm of my hand over her beaded tip. She moaned again, so I didn’t stop.
She peaked twice after that, until I could hold out no more. I finally lost myself in her with a series of pleasurable sensations that made me see stars. This sexy English girl truly had me unraveled, and I knew from here on out, I would be nothing more than soft, pliable minion at her complete and utter mercy.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Mina
I lay in Jax's arms. My head floated with the soft rise and fall of his chest as he drew in breath. His body felt hot and slick with sweat pressed next to mine. The sex had been different this time. It had been more than just that. I'd wanted him just as much as before, but it felt different. More real is the word I'm searching for. Everything seemed more real now. Not only mine and Jax's feelings for one another, but the smudges, too. Jax had told me he loved me instead of cursing me – shoving me away like had happened so many times before in my life. But now someone believed me, those smudges had been brought into sharper focus somehow. It wasn't just me who believed anymore. But I had only ever seen the smudges through my camera lens. I had never taken it any further – I had always been too scared – that's why I had often hidden my phone – the reason why I had pushed the laptop away from me and across the kitchen table tonight. It wasn't the shadow of Jax's father I had seen, but another. This smudge had been smaller – fainter somehow. It had been a child, a little girl. And I suspected it was my uncle’s daughter. But what good was being believed if I didn't truly understand why I saw these dead people? Why was I seeing Jax’s father? He had meant nothing to me. Why was I seeing my tiny cousin who had been knocked down and killed in a hit-and-run? Why were they haunting me? I shivered in Jax's arms at the thought of the wispy grey smudge of my uncle’s daughter as she crept up behind Jax in that video.
"Are you okay?" Jax asked, pulling me closer.
"I was just thinking," I whispered.
"About what?" he whispered back, his breath warm against my cheek.
"I need to know..." I trailed off in search of the right words.
"Need to know what?" he asked, propping himself up onto one elbow so he could look into my face.
"I need to know why I see these people..." I said, looking up at him. "Why are they haunting me? Why am I seeing your dad, Jax? I didn't even know him."
"How should I know?" Jax said, looking away so I couldn't see the flash of pain reignite in his eyes.
"I think I see him because he wants to be found," I said, reaching out and taking one of his hands in mine. "Just like that other girl."
"What girl?" He asked.
"The sister of my mother’s boyfriend... John," I started to explain. "I didn't know his sister. And just like your dad, I'd never met her. But I know it was her I was seeing in those pictures, and she was later found dead on a derelict building site. I think she wanted to be found so she could be laid to rest."
Jax looked at me and said nothing, but I knew what he was thinking – what we were both thinking.
"I think your dad wants to be found... I think your dad wants us to find his body," I said, my eyes never leaving his. "But I don't know where to start looking."
Jax was silent again. Then, lowering his head and drawing a deep breath, he said, "The only place I can think of I've already searched."
"Where was that?" I pushed.
"By the lake where my dad used to go fishing," Jax said. "I think he drank more than he fished, but he would disappear up by the lake for days at a time. But like I've said, that was the first place I looked for him when he went missing."
"But it might be different this time," I said.
"How?" Jax asked.
"Because you'll have me with you this time," I said, squeezing his hand in mine again. "I could film you... watch you through my camera."
Jax was quiet again, as if contemplating what I had suggested.
"You want to know where your dad is, don't you?" I gently urged him. "And I think he wants you to find him. Perhaps then you can both have the peace you've been searching for."
Then, gripping my hand, Jax pulled me to my feet and said, "Get dressed, Mina and I'll take you up to the lake."
We dressed in silence. I guess both of us were lost to our own thoughts as I wondered what I might see through my camera phone and whether we really would find Jax's dad. We stepped from my uncle’s house and Jax led me across the drive to his truck. He opened the door for me and I climbed inside. Jax got in behind the wheel and glanced at me in the gloom of the cab. I couldn't help but notice how pale and gaunt his face now suddenly looked. He started up the engine and it rumbled into life.
"Ready?" he whispered, looking straight ahead and into the dark.
"Ready," I whispered back, sliding my phone from my pocket and pointing it at Jax.
I drew my thumb over the screen and switched on the video camera. I pressed the record button. Jax swung the truck off the drive and out onto the road. For two miles or more as Jax drove us out of town, all I could see was Jax. There was no smudge – not even a blur. But as we reached the narrow and winding roads which led us out towards the lakes, a shadowy image began to appear on the seat between me and Jax.
I drew a deep breath.
"You can see him, can't you?" Jax asked, his eyes never leaving the road ahead.
"Yes," I whispered, fearing that if I spoke too loud I might scare the shadow away.
With my skin growing stiff with gooseflesh, I watched as that dark smudge became clearer and take on the indisputable shape of a man. And as we drew closer to the lake, the shadow sitting between us became clearer and clearer. He was now so clear that I could see the white whiskers on his chin and the flecks of grey in the tufts of hair that stuck out from beneath his cap. I peeked over the edge of the phone only to find that he had disappeared. I glanced back at the phone and there he was again, sipping from a bottle of beer as he sat between me and Jax in the cab of the truck.
"I think you were right about the lake, Jax," I whispered, again careful not to scare the apparition away.
"How come?" Jax whispered back, again not once taking his eyes off the winding roads ahead.
"Because the nearer we get to the lake," I said, "the clearer your father becomes."
Chapter Thirty-Five
Jax
I glanced at Mina out of the corner of my eye, shivers dancing down my spine. I felt nauseous as she described the apparition sitting between us. I wasn’t ready yet to refer to it as my father, as I still had a small amount of denial seated in my brain. I was a hard evidence man; I never much believed people had feelings or intuitions about things. I didn’t believe in fate, destiny, soul-mates, and sometimes I wondered if there was even a God. I needed hard evidence and tangible things I could touch, see, and feel.