I appreciated that he didn't offer any advice. Just understanding.
We sat in silence for a few minutes. Despite the lack of conversation, I was enjoying the company. He might not have been Sebastian, but his presence seemed to hold back the darkness a little nonetheless.
Eventually though, he spoke. "He told you." It wasn't a question.
Fear seized my belly. I turned my gaze to him slowly. He didn't look angry, in fact a ghost of a smile touched his lips, but I knew what he meant nonetheless. It hadn't occurred to me that Joe might be an Alpha member. He just seemed like hired help. But clearly there was more to him than that.
I debated denying it, but the certainty in his eyes said there was no point. He knew. The question was, what would he do with that knowledge?
I let out a long sigh. "He did."
Joe chewed his lip thoughtfully. "Well then."
"You don't sound surprised."
He shrugged. "Everyone likes to think they can keep their mouth shut when necessary, but the truth is, every man has his breaking point. The way he talks about you, the only thing that surprises me is that it took this long."
The way he talks about you. My mind instantly went back to Sebastian's letter, to all those heartbreakingly sweet things he'd said. And then to that look he'd worn when he first pushed his way inside my prison, the rapture that had lit his face when his eyes found mine. I wasn't the only one struggling to switch off my feelings.
You always hear stories about the purity of love, about the way it swells inside you until nothing else even matters. I never cared much for that perspective before — that kind of love typically isn't compatible with the sort of future I saw for myself — but now I found myself longing for it to be that simple. Every decision had turned into a conflict, a titanic battle between heart and brain, between logic and emotion. I couldn't deny my feelings for him, but whenever they rose inside me, they brought with them anger and betrayal. I knew it wasn't intentional, but he'd exposed me to this world, a world that was currently trying to chew me up and spit me out again. It was hard to forgive that, with the terror of my kidnapping still blanketing everything like a thick fog.
And even if I could get past it, there were other elements to the equation. Was he still the same man I'd fallen for? In light of everything he'd told me this morning, I didn't know. It was almost easier to just write him and his friends off as corrupt, power hungry monsters; but, try as I might, I couldn't see him being a part of something like that. Not to mention guys like Thomas, or apparently Joe. If Sebastian said their intentions were noble, then I believed him.
"This is a mess," I said, after a pause, not sure if I was referring to my relationship with Sebastian or the forbidden knowledge he'd shared.
Joe let out a laugh. "That it is, girl. That it is."
"So you're a member too then?" I asked, stalling for time. I wasn't sure where the conversation was going exactly, but he'd obviously brought it up for a reason. Something in my gut told me I could trust him, but Sebastian's warning loomed large in my mind nonetheless.
"Indeed."
"Well, I don't mean any disrespect, but isn't it a little demeaning having you drive another member around?"
He shrugged. "It's not so bad. I give him hell, but Sebastian's a better sort than most. Besides, it's not like I always did this."
"Oh?"
He grinned. "Alpha's not exactly in the business of recruiting chauffeurs. Not much to be gained by that. No, before this I served thirty years in the British Army."
I nodded. That explained the war wound he'd mentioned the first day we met. "In what capacity?"
"Infantry first, but they quickly shuffled me to the officers' path instead." He leaned in conspiratorially. "Didn't seem to care for all the questions I asked." He let out a short laugh. "Nope, there's not a lot of space for curiosity on the battlefield. I think they figured that if I was going to be doing all that thinking, I might as well be the one answering the questions instead of asking."
"I think that's fair enough," I replied.
"That's actually where I met Sebastian."
"Sebastian was in the army?" That revelation reminded me exactly how little I knew about the man who had stolen my heart.
"Briefly." He gave a rueful shake of his head. "He was a terrible soldier, just like me. Too headstrong, too stubborn. I was his commanding officer, and it got to the point where I was forced to discharge him, but it seemed like such a waste. There was something special about him. I knew he was capable of doing great things, and the characteristics that made him unfit for duty made him perfect for Alpha. So I released him from service and nominated him for consideration to join the group. He was accepted, and now here we are."
"I see," I replied, trying to picture Sebastian in mud spattered combat fatigues. It was difficult. The suit and tie seemed almost like his second skin.
"What about you? Why'd you quit?" I continued.
"Well, obviously I had more important things to do here," he deadpanned, nodding in the direction of the bedrooms.
I laughed. "Obviously."
"Honestly though, I just kind of got tired. You'd think gaining rank would be a good thing, but by the last decade of my career, I dreaded it. Every promotion meant a little more time spent behind a desk, a little more paperwork. There was nothing to look forward to, anymore."
"And so your solution was to drive your protégée around, day in and day out?" I asked.
He shrugged. "It may not seem particularly exciting, but the truth is, there's rarely a dull moment around here."
Thinking back on everything that had happened in the last few days, I could see his point. If this sort of stuff was a regular occurrence, I wasn't sure my heart could keep up. Another point against Sebastian and I ever having a real relationship. Thinking about it gave me a newfound respect for military wives. The prospect of my partner constantly venturing into indescribable danger was daunting, to say the least. I didn't know how they coped.
"Is it always like this?" I asked. "Kidnappings and secret lairs?"
He smiled. "Sometimes, but not as often as you'd think. These are pretty dire circumstances. Most of the time it's more like being a politician; lots of paperwork and meetings."
"So Sebastian just has impeccable timing then."
Joe stared at me for several seconds. "Don't be too hard on him, Sophia. He didn't mean for any of this to happen."