“Later,” he murmurs, and I feel his voice everywhere.
It’s a promise.
11.
DEX
I don’t speak much on the drive back; my head is too full of bad memories and guilt. Girls on the road, girls in LA. I’m ashamed now just how much I took it for granted. The things they’d do just to get close to fame, like my stardom would rub off on them with a kiss, or a touch.
A dirty, meaningless fuck.
Sure, it was great starting out. Never mind getting the keys to the candy store, hell, me and the boys ran around like we just inherited the whole freaking factory. We were young, red-blooded men with money to burn, and hot chicks at every turn. We partied hard. Vegas. LA. London. We got a reputation fast, and we earned every minute of it, pushing things to the limit. Me, I was just the same. I’m not proud of the things I did, the girls I screwed, and now, it makes me feel sick to think of them.
Someone’s daughter. Someone’s sister. On their knees in the back of the tour bus; bent over an amp; stripped naked backstage sucking us off in front of the whole fucking room, just because we could.
They were willing, don’t get me wrong, but that doesn’t make it any better. Whether it was a world-famous supermodel or some small-town girl sneaking backstage, they all wanted the same thing. Fame. Status. A moment in the spotlight on my arm. But soon, I realized, they didn’t give a fuck about me; I was just a name to them, a badge of honor.
And I couldn’t care less about them either.
It eats you up inside if you’re not careful. Someone acts like they’re not worth a damn, then sooner or later, you start thinking the same thing. But it’s not right, to use people and then just throw them away. I got jaded and bitter real fast, until I couldn’t take that shit anymore. I’d look at the girl begging to suck my cock, and wonder what the hell happened to her to make her feel so cheap, like she can sell herself for a couple of VIP passes and a moment in the spotlight.
And if I couldn’t respect her, then I sure as hell look at myself in the mirror the morning after, and see the guilty look in my eyes.
Alicia shifts in her seat beside me, and the movement under my hand drags me back to real life, the moment right now.
Her.
I inhale, the drift of her honeysuckle scent forcing the dark shadows from my mind. I haven’t told her anything that happened last year, but somehow, she understands. The way she kissed me back in the parking lot, just reached up and chased the demons away…
It’s a salve, an escape, the sweetest salvation I could imagine.
And I sure as hell won’t screw this up.
I drive us back through Beachwood Bay and pull into the crowded lot outside Jimmy’s. It’s the local dive, a cool, laid-back kind of place where they play Dylan on the jukebox and the locals don’t give me a second glance.
“Garrett makes the best burgers in town,” I tell Alicia, holding the door open for her.
“Garrett?” she repeats slowly, then her face changes, seeing the bartender across the room. “Hey!” she calls out, a delighted note in her voice. “I didn’t know this was your place!”My buddy Garrett laughs, coming to pull Alicia into a hug. “This is it, the pride and glory,” Garrett grins.
I feel an unfamiliar stab in my gut, seeing his hands on her. Jealousy, hard and hot.
What the hell?
Garrett steps back, looking back and forth between us. “Hold up, you guys know each other? Small world.”
“Sure is.” I drape an arm around Alicia’s shoulder, drawing her against me. I meet Garrett’s eyes with an even stare, but the message better be crystal clear.
Hands off, buddy. She’s mine.
“Is this the friend you were talking about in town?” I ask Alicia, trying to stay cool.
“I know his fiancée. Sorority sisterhood,” she explains, smiling.
Right, I forgot Garrett was getting hitched. I relax a little, but still keep a wary eye on him as Alicia chats.
“How is Carina?” she asks. “I haven’t seen her since the baby shower.”
“She’s good,” Garrett replies. “I sent her packing to the city to spend some time with her sister. All the summer tourists mean we’ve been rushed off our feet, and you know Carina, she can’t resist planning five million special events to draw the crowds.”
“Well, tell her I said hi,” Alicia beams. I tug on her arm, wanting to get her to myself again.
“Sure. I’ll get you guys some drinks,” Garrett says, giving me an amused look. “Beer?”
“Thanks,” I reply shortly, steering Alicia over to a corner table away from the crowds.
I sit us down, trying to pull myself together. I’ve never been the jealous type, I never gave a damn about a girl enough to try, but seeing Garrett wrap his arms around Alicia in that friendly hug…It was primitive, instinctive the way my body reacted, sending my hackles straight up, my whole body wired for trouble.
I want to be the only man who touches her, the only hands she wants on her body.
I take a breath, reminding myself to chill. Garrett’s not a threat, he’s with somebody else.
Wait.
“Is that him?” I demand in a low voice, my blood pounding with rage.
“Who?” Alicia crinkles her forehead in a frown.
“The guy. Your guy.” I glare across the room at Garrett. It’s bad enough to know her heart belongs to someone else, but if he was here, right now, in this very room…I don’t know what I’ll do.